Are you married but have a crush on someone else?

Question

How do you deal with it?

Ignore them?

Flirt?

Go for it?

How far is too far?

Answer 1

Wow girl... Isn't your husband the lucky one? How about standing by the vows that you took in front of God?

If you aren't happy with your hubby at least be woman enough to end that relationship first. Oh wait... you'd never do that. Sorry to insult, but weak, stupid people like you make me ill.

Answer 2

This happened to me. I tried to ignore him, but he was such an aggressive flirt. Silent but aggressive if that makes any sense. I ended up having a huge crush on him. Thought about him alot and wondered what it would be like to be with him just once. We finally started to speak to each other and thats when the feeling got stronger. We were both married so we only flirted and backed off we knew the danger of our attraction. I never went for it, still won't, I have way too much to lose, I really have a good husband who cares for me deeply. I went through the ups and downs. Wondered about him, wanted to know him and hated him for it. Finally I decided to change my daily routine so I would not see him for a while and that worked, I soon forgot about him for the most part, and at the present time I see him and he flirts like mad with me, he is still a cutey but I definately made the right choice. His flirting doesn't affect me in the least, I feel like I made a friend. But I could never get too close cuz the attraction will always be there. The other day he told me if his wife wasn't going on a trip with him he would love to take me. A part of me got butterflies and a part of me thought wow am I glad your not my husband. How far is too far? I would have to say making plans to meet away from your safe place (which is the place you see him). If you meet him alone you could be in trouble. Flirting is fun and it makes us feel good. Just be in control of it.

Answer 3

Once a year, the company I work for pays for an activity that we all get to go to for free. Two years ago, it paid for us all to go to the aquarium downtown, but this was in December, so it was kind of cold outside while we were waiting for the person getting our tickets. The woman to whom I was attracted was cold, so I took off my jacket and put it on her. There was something kind of intimate about that. After we got inside, we talked a lot and spent a lot of time together that day, just the two of us.

So that weekend, I kept thinking, S. is so fun to be around, S. is so easy to talk to, S. makes me laugh, and of course, S. is so pretty. I couldn't get her out of my mind. By the next Monday, it hit me: I have a major crush on her!

I did flirt with her a little. I even thought about telling her about my feelings. However, the voice of reason spoke up within me. Not only am I married, I have kids. I didn't want to risk putting that in jeopardy. Feelings are one thing, but acting on those feelings is another thing entirely.

Once I came to that decision, the crush waned until now it's back to merely "she's attractive" and I like her, nothing more. I don't have that unable to stay away from her & intense desire to talk to her feeling anymore. And that's good.

A crush can feel strong nearly to the point of being overwhelming. However, crushes are deceptive because they're not really about what's important in life: love, commitment, responsibility, dedication, honesty, and all that good stuff.

Answer 4

I think if everyone is totally honest, everyone has had a crush, or lets say "infatuation" over someone else. The grass always looks greener on the other side, and since you don't know everything about this "new" person, your inquiring mind keeps you stirred up about them. To flirt is natural also, as long as it doesn't go too far. Since everyone is different, a little "flirt" to one person may give signals to the other person that "hey, they are REALLY interested in me".. So, you have to be really careful how you handle things. If you totally "go for it" you're asking for trouble. If you are married, and have it good, or relatively good, leave everything else alone. If you flirt, get bit by the "love" bug, or do something stupid that you'll regret, you, ultimately will wind up the loser....

Answer 5

Find out which fantasy of yours he is triggering, then try and make that fantasy real in your own marriage. It's so darned easy to get divorced these days, and married for that matter.

If all else fails, think of the nightmare fights you're going to have with your husband when you divorce, especially over money and materialistic stuff, and how divorces are hardly ever final.

I know someone who did that thing you are thinking about, then walked out of the marriage to leave everything behind, seeing as she knew she was guilty. Three years on, she's regretting not getting her fair share, and she's struggling to make ends meet - still. The lover? He's loooooong gone. See?

So, in a nutshell, what you would be able to do with this crush, and live with afterwards, depends on what kind of person you are. It's really up to you.

Answer 6

DO NOT ACT ON IT. Crushes are normal. Early in my marriage I had the same thing, but I told my husband. I made sure that I told him that nothing would ever happen with this other guy and that he was the only one I wanted to be with. I dont think any one who has a "crush" on someone else other than your partner is "STUPID" or "WEAK". If your relationship is strong enough and you and your husband love each other and have a bond together tell him. I have been with my husband for 10 years and we have been very happy.
Good luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 7

don't go any further than you would want your husband to go with his crush. that's a pretty good yardstick to judge the situation by. how would you expect your husband to behave? would you be pissed if he flirted with his crush? if he "went" for it? how far would be too far for him to go?

now, what i will say is that you have had crushes on men all your life. remember little timmy from 5th grade, or whatever? crushes come and go. so, the crush you have on this man isn't unique or amazing and you will have more crushes in the future. sexual attraction is a part of life, but you don't have to sleep with everyone you have a crush on. imagine how many women your husband probably finds attractive...should he "go for it" with each of them? you have had crushes and moved on from them before. this isn't a new experience for you, it will fade, and you'll be left dealing with the aftermath.

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Answer 8

Ignore the person and don't spend time around him/her. Do not flirt cause that can lead to problems. Plus your spouse wouldn't want you flirting with someone. Do not go for it. Too far is having any contact with him/her. You are putting your marriage at risk. Respect your spouse.

Answer 9

Having a crush on someone other than your husband is perfectly natural. You're married....not dead, after all. You just have to be conscious enough of it to not become emotionally or romantically involved with the crush. Flirtation is harmless, as long as it does not trigger any kind of emotional or romantic connection. Just enjoy the fantasy, and the butterflies in your stomach, and leave it at that. Anything more is too far.

Answer 10

One thing will always lead to another.

Your seemingly "innocent" crush will never satisfy you. To be honest, it is truly a sign of dissatisfaction with your current status. You are comparing your current husband to a notion of something you don't have.

This is dangerous, and if you allow your crush to continue, you will eventually lose out with what you have.

My ex-wife had a "heart-wrenching" crush on a minister in church in California, and her emotions led her to rip apart our family.

You can't let it continue one day longer. Grow up. Get over your emotionally driven crush and step up to the mature plate of responsibility. Your feelings are pulling you in a path of irresponsiblity of what is or is not happening in your marriage.

Both of you need to seek some assistance in your marriage before it's too late.

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Answer 11

I am not married, but I have a crush on someone who is. I would imagine, you would have to ignore, those feelings, and try to keep your distance away, from him. Someone, could end up getting hurt, and I don't want it to be me.

Have a good day.