My husband and I were recently married and found out upon our return from the honeymoon that I was pregnant. He immediately wanted me to get an abortion. I have always been pro choice, but I would only get one myself if I were raped or was a single mother in a crummy place with no food, money or support. Being as how we're financially comfortable and married, I didn't want to think of abortion as an option. I suffer from endometriosis and have have dormant cists on my ovaries so my doctors never thought I would even be able to conceive.
His parents went through a similar situation and I think he may feel they regretted having their children early, which they don't, and refuses to talk to anyone about his feelings. Any advice?
2007-08-21 02:02:19 · 25 answers · asked by lilblueys 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I did not mention that we both agreed that we wanted children before we were married. We were together as a couple for three years, two of which we were engaged for and had been friends since high school. He explained that he had wanted to ewait and "do things togetehr as a couple before we had a family". I did tell him he was sounding extremely selfish and what is the major difference between now and two years from now. We can still travel and have time alone as our parents are BEGGING to have weekends with the baby once born. They also do not agree with the abortion.
He said he may talk with a counsler but has not liked any i have propsoed so far in our area.
2007-08-21 02:17:33 · update #1
HI
I totally understand what the problem is. My husband was afraid to have a child early in the marriage, lake that terrified... I was careful not to conceive because he told me that it would be best to abort if there was an accident... It always bothered me.
I am pregnant with baby no 2 and after baby no one he wanted to know why we waited so long. When I reminded him how he terrified me with abortion he felt very bad but claimed it was due to immaturity, fear, not understanding how foolish that was. He actually cried when he heard the heartbeat so early on because he told me he was so brainwashed that it was not really a baby or life until far into the pregnancy..Sometimes it is just being naive but if I would have had an abortion we both would not be married today or very happy ppl. It is one hell of a naive mistake to make.... That being said the only real issue I see for you as a couple, and a big one actually, is that you should have both talked about family planning before the honeymoon. Men resent not feeling a part of the plan and you can't blame them...
I hope it works out but please go for counselling before terminating your pregnancy...You will regret it all your life.
2007-08-21 02:18:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 7 weeks pregnant and have only been married for less than a year. It was quite unexpected and I wanted to wait for a while longer before we started a family. I was pretty distraught and upset and even contemplated abortion. (pro-choice as well) But it passed and after a couple weeks, I got used to the idea. He's probably really freaked out and needs time to think it over. But if he can't come to terms with it eventually, you may have to re think your marriage. Either way, good luck. Everything happens for a reason.
2007-08-21 02:24:59 · answer #2 · answered by emmy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to seriously have a talk with your husband. Abortion is not there as a means of birth control number one. Number two, if you're in a position where caring for the child is not an issue, what is his problem? Whether he wants to or not, he has to talk about this. If you can't talk to him about something like this now, your marriage is not going to do very well in the future as it will simply create more tension than you know what to do with. Aborting a child because you think you are too young in this case is extremely unacceptable. He was man enough to get you pregnant, tell him to man-up and take care of his responsibilities now. You are married. You are adults. It's time for him to stop hiding and running from fears and act like a man.
2007-08-21 02:11:55 · answer #3 · answered by Love my Family <3 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Geez,I'm sorry your having to deal with this...but congrats on being able to have a baby- I know how traumatic it can be when you think you cant.
My boyfriend wanted me to have an abortion years ago- I was so young and scared that I did. However, In hindsight I would have left him cold and run off to have the baby because he was being a bit of a prick,scared & such.
I know for a fact that if I had left him, he would have come around,as I married this same guy years later, once he was not such an ******.
I think your hubby is being an a*s- sorry, but I know mine was back in the day! It sounds like your strong enough to deal with it-so good for you.
Maybe have someone else talk to him, why is he so scared? Its natural to be scared,but he needs to realize this is both of your choice to make,mainly yours.
Ask him, what the point of being married was then? I'm not a guy hater or anything, but I have 4 brothers & a husband,all of whom can be the biggest morons on earth-dont let them- we gals are far more level headed that these silly ,scared fellas.
Good Luck to you-even a guy having a super-jerk moment can change,especially if you demand it of them :o)
2007-08-21 02:18:36 · answer #4 · answered by Mono 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to him about it? He may have just had a VERY bad reaction to being scared. I was terrified when I found out and we are in a similar situation. Bottom line, if you don't want to abort, don't. He will fall in love with this child at the very least when he sees him/her for the first time. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me either, but guys get scared too. I would just talk to him about it calmly. Don't attack him with things like "Why do you want this???" Just approach him with can I talk to you for a minute or something. Explain how important this is and that it could be your only chance.
2007-08-21 02:14:11 · answer #5 · answered by Cash, Gage and Jax's Mom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is something that definitely should have been discussed and resolved BEFORE you got married. Now you are in a pickle. Ultimately, it is YOUR choice whether or not to have the baby, but that choice will put your marriage behind the eight ball from the start, no matter what you decide. If you get the abortion, you will regret it and be bitter about it. If you don't, your husband will be bitter. That is how divorces get started. You need to drag him into a marriage counselor right away. Don't take no for an answer! Good luck!
2007-08-21 02:12:39 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Listening to the situation! I predict extreme regret if you do go through with it. It's not like a car, it's a baby! I would NOT get an abortion for these reasons, it would be horrible. You will always think about that baby, always.
2007-08-21 03:08:18 · answer #7 · answered by Roz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he just wants proof and guarantees that there wont be any defects. Yes, birth changes a marriage but it bonds you and makes you closer. This might be your only chance and you will regret aborting it if you want kids but cant have any. Think carefully about this, I think he is being selfish and he knew the risks of unprotected sex and if he is dead set on aborting then maybe you must consider a divorce.
2007-08-21 02:15:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree. "abort the marriage". What an awful way to wind up a honyemoon! Is he crazy?!? If you've got endometriosis and cysts on your ovaries then this is definitely a miracle baby!
2007-08-21 02:16:44 · answer #9 · answered by uhura 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd make him talk to you. There has to be a reason he would want this. It can be scary for anyone to have a child. Maybe there is some counsiling that would help. The most important thing is to talk to him. I wouldn't get an abortion if YOU don't want to. Take your time and think about what is best and TALK about it!
2007-08-21 02:12:30 · answer #10 · answered by Jamie R 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋