Why doesn't he want to get engaged?

Question

My boyfriend swares up and down that we are going to get married. We shopped for rings, made a decision on where, when and the honeymoon. But when we talk about when this wil happen, he just says someday. This is frustrating cuz I don't understand why we'd do all these things and then he's not even certain on when. I'm fine with waiting to get married, but I want to be engaged and i've told him this. He just says it's not the right time yet. Help me understand and how can i be more patient?

I have not been forcing this issue, it was his idea to go ring shopping, not mine. I have never nagged him about this, he is the one stating marriage all the time

Answer 1

Well all guys are different..But i know my man has asked me to marry him also and i never got a ring yet,Maybe hes saving up??Or there is some other reason.Ya never know but i wouldnt push it.I have brought it up in the passed and it didnt get anywhere,although im not in no hurry to be married i would still like the promise ring or something but i have noticed it dont pay to push it..Good luck

Answer 2

I went through the same thing with my husband. We dated for 4 and a half years before we officially got engaged. What I found out was his problem was that #1 he was saving up to get me a ring and #2 he didn't want to propose until he felt financially prepared to actually be married.(Both good reasons) Once I told him that I didn't want to get married as soon as he proposed and that I could wait longer to get married but that I wanted to feel like I wasn't wasting my time on someone who was never going to commit he was ok with being engaged. It did still take a couple of months and I gave him a deadline for how much longer I was willing to wait but he finally understood how serious I was about it. A year later we got married and everything is great.(And we've been married for over 4 years now) Sometimes you have to let them know what you want and when you want it by. If I hadn't spoken up we'd still probably just be dating! (My husband even says that!)
So overall my advice to you is to tell him what you want, when you want it and if you aren't happy with the outcome then be prepared to leave. You shouldn't stay in a relationship where you aren't getting your needs met. Just don't go on and on about it. State your case and then drop it. If you bug him about it you'll just make him mad but if you drop it after giving him a deadline he'll know you are serious.

Answer 3

If you were smart, you would now completely drop the subject. He already knows how you feel, because you have already mentioned it. Now let's see how he handles it.

Don't ever let a man feel like you are forcing him into marriage, even if your not. If you bring up the subject, that's how he might be feeling. If he gets married, because you wanted to, not really him, then anytime you have a fight or argument in your marriage, he will blame it on you. He might say "see I was right, I wasn't ready to marry you and you forced me into it!" He will feel like he made the stupidest decision and that's when you're marriage will end.

When he starts to notice that you're not really caring, or mentioning marriage anymore, then he will begin to wonder what you're thinking or feeling. He might even start to worry that you're beginning to change your mind. That's when he will confront you and all you should say is, "hey, you know I still love you and you know what I would love, but that's entirely up to you and maybe you're just not ready". That's when you'll know how much he loves you.

In this subject, always leave the ball in his court.

Answer 4

Are you sleeping with him?
Cause if you are then it's clear he doesn't feel like he needs to commit when he is getting the benefits without the committment

It's a growing trend and really he will push it off as much as he can because he is afraid to commit. Since he is getting what he wants anyhow he doesn't see the need to get married.

Plus if you make it legal and worst comes to worst and you divorce you can legally take possession off the guy. He has less reasons to consider marriage.

If you are not sleeping together and he doesn't want to get married I suggest you try an old ancient custom. Take three months aside and do not contact each other or meet up at all for three whole months. If you can do without each other than you are not ready to marry. If your love grows then you are ready to marry

Addition***
If he is constantly taking about marriage, it could be his way of keeping you interested without going anywhere. It's what parent's do to young children, we're going to disneyland, come next year, we're definitely going next year and when the children grow up they go by themselves. Yet all this time the parents used disneyland as a tool to manipulate their children into having things done their way. I am not saying your bf is doing this but it is something to look out for.

No one can give you a definite answer because we don't know you and the situation that well. You have all the details but hopefully we were able to give you some ideas and light into the situation.

All the best

Whatever happens don't get burned, having to go through the dating game again and finding the right person all over again isn't the most exciting thing to do when you have already invested so much into someone and they weren't ready to commit.

Answer 5

Sounds like you are pushy on the marriage topic and he just goes along with whatever like looking at rings to get you to be quiet. If he doesn't want to get engaged, it could be because you are already sleeping with him so he's getting "the milk for free, why buy the cow?" He has the best of both worlds, when he needs a date/comforting he has you and when he wants to do guy things, he can. He has no intention of marrying you. Either continue to be his gf or find someone who is looking for marriage. And don't sleep with the guy.

Answer 6

You both have a mutual feeling that you one to be married to each other one day, so you are engaged. He just hasn't gave you a ring. A ring is really not that important to me anyway the feelings and understanding are what really matters most. Maybe he is just waiting for you to stop pressuring him then he will surprise you with a ring.. Just relax!!

Answer 7

you may not like what I am about to say. first of all, if you are having sex with him. this has to stop. second, point out that you are not going to keep things up the way they are. unless you know for sure where your future is going.

I have seen couples such as this, that say they are going to get married, but never do. a male will get cold feet. if he can put things off he will. as long as he See's there is no rush why do it. but as I said, I have seen couples in this situation. and are now in their 40's and still not married. they met when they were 20. and they continue to say they are going to get married. but it will never happen.

So, you are going to have to, so they say' "put your foot down" as long as he does not see any reason to get married he will not do it. sure' he wants too, but will not. unless he has no choice.

Good Luck,

Answer 8

It may be a good thing, don't rush it, You may learn something about him that you can't deal with. If it's not meant to be it won't. If you feel like your waiting to long for him to feel the same as you do then you have some decision making to do. Don't give ultimatum's either. Then it will be as if you forced him into it. He may also want to be financially stable to support you two. He may have some goals he wants to achieve. I would consider his feelings and remember it's not all about you what you want and when you want it.

Answer 9

It means he doesnt want to get engaged to you ever. He's just humouring you so you'll stop going on about it. I'm sorry to say this but you have more chance of breaking up than getting engaged.

Men dont like to be pushed so do him a favour and stop with the nagging

Answer 10

Just pay attention on his behaviours. Does he seem sincere when he talks about arrangements? If you feel that he "really means" to arrange something while he is talking then it means he wants to do something but has got some other problems which keeps him away. You should talk to him and ask him what he is worrying about. But pushing him will do no good.