My partner has recently lost his job and while he is very qualified and experienced is becoming increasingly de-motivated. He has applied for jobs and had interviews but always seems to just miss out. He is only 26 and in the beginning of his career. He blames himself for losing his job (wasn't his fault at all - he got completely screwed over, but that's another story) and his confidence is plumetting. How can I keep him motivated and focussed? I am running out of ideas - money is also getting tight.
2007-08-21 01:38:38 · 9 answers · asked by Nicola 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He has been out of work since may, so nearly 4 months now. We decided that it was best he spent all his time looking for something new so he has not had any other work in the meantime, in order to fully apply himself to finding something new.
Orla C, you have pretty much got his situation spot on. He is so stubborn in blaming himself for what's happened and that's what I'm finding difficult. How to I get him to think differently about it? And I have tried to say about signing on too but he's so proud he won't do it, even when I say things like he has paid his taxes and national insurance and he is entitled to it if he needs it!! He has become more open to this idea recently which is why I am beginning to wonder if he is losing faith.
Thanks for everyone's supportive comments and suggestions, its really appreciated.
2007-08-21 03:11:15 · update #1
How long has he been out of a job? If it's just a few weeks, that's nothing ... but yes, if money is an issue, then he should be claiming the dole, it's there for people who need a little help like this. Helps relieve the pressure for a while.
It sounds like he was working for the wrong people, and that he didn't see it. Now that he does, he's blaming himself ...? It's a learning curve, this kind of thing. I'm guessing that he needs to change how he thinks about the previous job and how he lost it - this is the key. The fact that he blames himself is somehow getting across to potential employers in interviews, he may need to examine how he deals with questions regarding this job, and the relationship with those past employers. Clearly that didn't work out.
People get screwed over and lose their jobs - this is a fact of life and he isn't the only one this has happened to. Suggest to him to apply his mind to how he can turn this around into a good thing to present to potential employers at interviews. Try to turn brooding into strategic thinking.
2007-08-21 02:53:31 · answer #1 · answered by Orla C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he did not create this problem and that if he continues to go to interviews, something will pop. It's a numbers game. Rejection is very hard, but it can't be taken personally, or you lose. You have to keep fighting and let him no that you are in this together, only if he keeps trying. If he gives up, it's the end for both of you, because you love him and know that he can succeed if he keeps trying.
2007-08-21 08:50:06 · answer #2 · answered by Funny Girl 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I recently went through a situation like that (lost my job and out of work). Anyway, he needs to get back into the swing of things. Have him read books on interviewing, counseling, work related topics, etc. That helped me get off my butt and start doing something. It's easy to sit there, but very hard to get motivated. He has to do it himself, no one else can do it for him. It's hard being on the sidelines.
2007-08-21 12:00:22 · answer #3 · answered by Weezilmom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him loads of love and encouragement, read through the employment pages with him, discuss thoughts,ideas and possible courses of action with him, could he become self - employed? does he need to broaden his horizons a bit by looking further afield?, are you both happy where you are currently living or could you move to another area or even abroad? There are opportunities out there just waiting for him, so make a project out of finding the right one, and above all remain confident yourself, and pass on your positive vibes.
2007-08-21 09:41:41 · answer #4 · answered by sparkleybumple 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whats he qualifed as?
it normal for a man to feel useless and demotivated when losing a job. its kinda bred into them that they are the bread winners
is it possible for him to self employed? he can set up a website cheaply for about £6 with www.123-reg.com
and hosting it with them is like a couple of quid a month. they also provide the stuff to put the webpages together.
starting a business would provide lots of excitement and goal for him to aim for. even if its little money, he can still do it whilst looking for a more full time job.
2007-08-21 08:46:52 · answer #5 · answered by Paul S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in my relationship I'm the bread winner and my BF has no prob with that. He recieves some money but I've been by his side through everything and been with him so as long as the bills are met and I have food in the house who cares.
2007-08-21 09:18:40 · answer #6 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try and help as much as you can and stick by his side, just a little bit longer and show him that you are there for him.
2007-08-21 08:43:41 · answer #7 · answered by xxsummerxx232 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him not to give up he is young.. who knows maybe tomorrow he will get a better job? you must support him in everything and to be kind with him and help him . bye
2007-08-21 09:34:20 · answer #8 · answered by Poly M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sum good sex iz always a great motivation
2007-08-21 08:42:26 · answer #9 · answered by jasmin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋