Is cheating on a spouse always an absolute "no"?

Question

Religious beliefs aside---I've been married/together with the same person for almost 20 years. I am still young (36) and attractive, and find myself very attracted to someone and almost obsessing. I do not want a "relationship" with this person, other than the friendship we already have. I would just like to have sex/make-out sessions with him. I have only ever had 2 sexual partners in my whole life. I kind of feel like I missed out on a few things in my younger years, and so want to sow a few wild oats. Obviously, I don't want to hurt my husband, and don't want to completely end that relationship just so I can have-a-go with some other guy. Would appreciate feedback from people who've gone through/are going through similar feelings---not just people who will tell me I'm evil and wrong. Let's just assume that 5000 people already told me that I'm evil and wrong, and that all the religious platitudes (which I don't agree with) have already been flung at me. Other opinions?

Answer 1

Been there, done that. Afterwards you find you weren't missing out on anything and that you feel guilty for what you have done. But, you won't accept that from anyone until you live the mistake yourself. Go ahead, but be prepared for the consequences.

Answer 2

It always amazes me the excuses people come up with to make cheating sound ok. IT IS NEVER OK! Period. Maybe 5000 people have told you that you're wrong. I'll be 5001 because you have NO IDEA how much you will hurt your husband.
From your question you are just wanting answers that will justify you cheating and ruining your family. If you do get justification from anyone, it will be someone who has the morals of an alley cat anyway.
I was cheated on. My husband hadn't had many life experiences either and thought he'd "sow a few wild oats" as you say. I can't even describe the pain in words. My marriage is destroyed. My heart is dead. All because he felt like he missed out on something earlier in life. (he was 36 too and we'd been together for 20 years)
Think a little bit harder about your marriage before you make the biggest mistake of your life.
If you put the time that you are spending thinking of cheating, into your husband and marriage...you likely wouldn't feel the need to do such a deplorable thing.

Answer 3

You are 36 , married I'm assuming kids?

I am not a religious person I believe in a higher power just not 1 man doing it all especially after finding out christians dont believe the many bones found and dug up of dinosaurs are all FAKE!!!!! And that they never existed because they werent mentioned in some man written book .

So from a non - religious point of view , your asking if every form of wanting to have sexual intercourse with someone who isnt your husband who your married to is bad? and if cheating is always an absolute no?

Chicky if you wanted some oats to sow ya shoulda got it done before putting the dress on maken your parents spend all that money and sayen "I Do".

Your not going to get the answer you want out of me do the right thing dont go near this man EVER again and put all your sexual energy into your husband like you know you should be doing .

YES its always absolutely without a doubt or second guessing a NO!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Cheating in a marriage should be an absolute no. I think it's only cheating if he doesn't know about it. So why not go ask your husband?

Maybe you two can come to an agreement whereby you'll BOTH go sow some wild oats and then settle back down with each other.

You'll either find out that one or the other or both of you:

1. have it pretty good together
2. don't have it good

From there you can decide whether to stay together, get divorced, stay married and continue to be extramaritally involved. Wow..you have the whole world of opportunity on your doorstep.

Maybe you CAN have your cake and eat it too.

Best.

Answer 5

The only thing to be said here is that you have to talk to your husband about this. I know you probably don't want to. But see the thing is when people rush off and jump into a marriage without fully experience life and single times and exploring and such, they have these epiphanies that you are having right now. And so you are caught between wanting to do your exploring now and holding on to your husband. Only thing I can tell you is explain to your husband how you feel and such, not saying this is going to gurantee a positive outcome or anything, but you need his feed back more than ours here to determine what you should do. And the bigger question should be why did you get married so young in the first place? Was it for love? Was it because you were tired of being alone? Was it the great idea at the time ? Questions like that need to be answered and determined as well. Best of luck.

Answer 6

This is what happens when you were married too young and for all the wrong reasons. You are not in love with the man you married if you want to have sex with other guys. So just get a divorce..

In addition to evil and wrong, I can also add that you are so stupid. So many woman are today, because they think like you and they are destroying the meaning of marriage.

At 36 years old, you would think you would be alot more mature, but you obviously have alot of growing up to do. Go ahead, try growing up having sex with different guys when you're married. You will learn from your mistake.

I hope for their sake, some idiot like you doesn't have children.

Answer 7

All religion aside. as I'm not very religious myself.

Doesn't make it right. just b/c you take god/christianity out of it. Would you like your husband to tell you "oh honey, I need to sow some wild oats with this so and so?"

I mean you plegde your life to this man now b/c someone more attractive comes along you want to cheat, I'm sorry but I take my vows seriously .

You are not an evil person and I think it is normal to think about other people from time to time, but to act on them makes it wrong.

Answer 8

i do no longer think cheating is the worst or maximum hurtful element a extra robust half can do. i will say that I comprehend some cheating situations. i do no longer comprehend if which skill i could forgive and stay w/ the guy or no longer. I actual have constantly left a cheater whilst they cheated interior the previous, yet those have been boyfriends and the courting grew to become into undesirable besides, so i grew to become into already on my way out. i do no longer think as quickly as a cheater constantly a cheater. i comprehend there are some situations related to cheating that are absolute deal breakers alongside with cheating on an identical time as i'm pregnant, with a chum, with a relatives member, and so on...

Answer 9

The term for a person who wants to stay in a relationship AND fool around, is SELFISH. All that matters is YOU and what YOU want. If you can't take the title, don't enter the ring.

BE NICE - let your husband go BEFORE you try someone else - - it is not at all cool to sneak behind his back and lie just so you can get more "experience" - - he does not deserve to be disrespected like that - would you like it if he did that to you??

I don't understand why you can't just accept being WRONG - it happens to the best of us - if you are looking for people to back you up on being a fool, I'm afraid you have come to the wrong place!

Answer 10

I am not a judge, but do not do it!!! You both need a vacation together with the Man who loves you! Take a vacation together and leave the kids with a relative or best friend. Put some spice in your marriage! Go act like singles and get a hotel room and you both agree to go together =ALONE WITH EACH OTHER!!! If you are on a budget take a picnic alone with a bottle of wine and a picnic with take out food in a nice area and skinny dip together. Or go to a movie and make out like old times. Sow the oats with your Man who loves you!

Answer 11

Seems to me that you need to have a heart to heart talk with your husband.

Speak about your feelings to him and see what comes of it.

As far as sewing wild oats is concerned, to be honest, it is not worth it.

What you will discover is that sex without emotional ties is empty. and if there are emotional ties outside of your marriage then it is COMPLICATED.

Getting married at sixteen is not an ideal situation, but to be honest, if you have lasted this long, you have done well.

Look for the passion you crave with your husband by getting more adventurous with him. There is A LOT you can do right in your own bedroom that can have a profound effect on what you desire. (without cheating)

To be honest, if you are asking this question here, then you are in NO WAY ready to do what you think you want to do.