My friend is in trouble.what should i advise her ?

Question

my friend got married six years ago.they have a son (6 yrs) within the first year of her life she suspected her husband flirting with girls.but could not prove it because of no solid evidence.they had serious fight on it.. it went to the extent of my friend trying to commit suicide.later he was alright for few years .he always says that he is not guilty.
But now again she found her husband having another girlfriend in a different city.she now has got solid evidence of their frequent sms & emails with her.he goes to visit her during weekends saying that he has some bussiness purpose for his visit.
but she is afraid to talk to him about it becos she feels that he might go away from her once for all.
she loves hom a lot & doesnt want lose him.at the same time she wants her husband to be faithful to her.she crying ...she is in a very bad shape what should i advise her .
what is idea behind that man's brain.will he ditch my friend.or he will stay with her.why is he playing a double game

wat sort of treatment such men need to change ?

Answer 1

First, let me say that you seem like a very good caring friend. But let me add that NO RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH ATTEMPTING SUICIDE OVER. In fact, nothing in life is worth attempting suicide over.

It depends on what your friend defines as "love" for staying in her marriage so long. Whether or not she's doing it because she's so in love with her husband or for the sake of her 6yr. old son's life, if she has considered suicide then, she's not thinking of her son who would remain motherless and in the hands of a cheating father and womanizer. What kind of example would that be for her child? The fact your friend has considered suicide as an option means that SHE'S NOT HAPPY WITH HER LIFE. Therefore, she needs to think really good, plan, and execute her decision.

I say she should divorce her husband with the proof that she has. If the home where she lives is hers then she should stay there and make sure he leaves. If he's the breadwinner and she doesn't work, that could be another factor in her remaining so long in her situation. Perhaps she has family members who are supportive and love her enough to take her in until she gets her life together. If she's not educated or she doesn't have a career to provide for herself and child she's in trouble. Hopefully, if she files for a divorce, her husband can give her some alimony to care for herself and child. Otherwise, she should have thought of getting a college education or gaining the skills to have a decent job and be able to provide for herself without the aid of a husband. I don't have all the details of your friend's situation but, unfortunately, if this is the case, this is the situation many women get themselves into where they don't have a college education or a career that equips them to provide for themselves so they are dependent on a man. Before a woman gets into any relationship they should have gotten an education and have had ample time to develope a career and have accumulated savings especially when you bring a child into the picture otherwise, the child and the woman is in big trouble when things go awry.

I feel bad for your friend but right now she should be thankful she has a strong friend like you to reach out and try to find answers for her. Your friend is obviously weak right now. She needs a strong people like you around her to get out of that situation because in the meantime, she's missing out on truly living a satisfying and rewarding life that's out there waiting for her!

I'm not sure whether I answered your question or gave you good advice but I hope I did even if at some small level.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

If she puts up with it she only has herself to blame. I hate to say it, but if she's afraid to face him, then she shouldn't be looking for things and stay in the "ignorance is bliss" phase for the rest of her life. Anyone who would commit suicide for a "man" who flirts or messes around with other women when he's already made a commitment to someone else, tells me that she doesn't think very highly of herself. And guess what, he's figured that out a LONG time ago. She better get a grip because he's thinking he's all fine and has got her wrapped around his pinkie so he's thinking he's got it like that.

When she wakes up and values herself, that's when she will have the strength to face him, tell him to cut the s---t, or walk out and sue him for child support and get a divorce without hesitation. Sometimes a man straightens up when he sees that the woman he's with is no longer playing his doormat.

Forget about advising her. She thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread and her self-esteem is in the toilet. All you will get is frustrated at her wanting to continue perpetrate the drama. Move on and find some new friends who are less pathetic. I say this rough because your friend is NOT going to leave him and will put up with his b.s. She did the last times why not now?

Nothing you say will change her mind and she grown so move on.

Answer 3

I can see that your friend takes her marriage so seriously that she is willing to try to commit suicide. That's not good.
She needs counseling. He's cheating. He's unlikely to want to go to counseling but they could try it together. However, he is the stronger of the two in the relationship. She would probably end up threatening suicide just to coerce him into being faithful (it seems that is what she was trying to do before and already she should know that it doesn't work....)
She may love him but it is over if what she expects is for him to be faithful. Now she's afraid to talk to him about it because he would leave her? She's probably right about that.
She could just try to live with the deceptions. There are women who do that. It's not easy. That is why SHE needs to be seeing a counselor.

Answer 4

Well I can see several things in what you are saying.

Your friend has put an unreasonable "load" on her husband by attempting suicide...because she has made him responsible for her well being....it is like holding a weapon over his head. He probably doesn't want to be the cause of her doing something stupid.

She is too dependent on him...sounds very neurotic....why does she need any one person for her own well being...no one should be married unless they are first an independent person in their own right, which your friend is not.

No...he isn't right to cheat on her...but she may be very difficult to live with...he might have already ended this marriage if it weren't for her unstability....and her very dependence is probably pushing him away further, and further. People can' live with that kind of pressure.

So don't put all the "blame" on him...she is a good deal part of the problem. You need to encourage her to get a life...improve her own self esteem by getting a job and learning she can cope with or without him.

She also is suspicious and this relationship is already going way downhill...so as her friend, you can help her to see she can't make people do what she wants....needs to have her own life for her own good.

I think her husband would probably own up, but he can't because of what she might do. Not a good scene. She should go get counseling for help to know what to do.

Answer 5

The best advice you can give your girlfriend is to seek counseling. She has self esteem issues. Not just because she is willing to accept her husband's unfaithfullness, but because she has tried to commit suicide for his attention. Although it worked a few years, he was back to his old games and at a more serious level if he is having a relationship with another woman. Women cannot change men. Women can change their perceptions of their man, and themselves. Your friend has her husband on a pedestal that she should have herself on. With a son, shifting her focus should be easy to do, but she also needs to shift some focus on herself. By building her own self esteem he may find it sexy (men find high self esteem to be one of the sexiest things about a woman) and stop his cheating. And if he dont with a new outlook on herself and her life, maybe your friend will decide half a man is not good enough and move on with her life.

Answer 6

No one can change another. No matter what. It does not work. The question really is what does she want to do about it? She is being abused. Is she willing to be a sitting duck, or do something to make her life better. If she doesn't want to change, she will keep getting what she's been getting. If she changes what she is doing, it will change what she gets. It's hard to change. It's much easier to stay in the uncomfortably of familiar pain than to change. I wish you both luck. It's a hard position to get out of, but a very empowering one when it's said and done.

Blessed Be

Answer 7

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Answer 8

she needs to confront him about it chances are he knows that she knows but by not saying anything and looking the other way he will keep doing it to her i went 28 years putting up a front and making believe my husband wasnt doing it and convinces myself it was okay because he always came home to me my whole life is gone-i was afraid to be alone and do stuff on my own i did it i left him i used to tell him i could catch you actually in bed with a woman having sex with her and you would still talk your way out of it so stop allowing him to do this to you if nothing else think how this affects your son and it will i know because my kids now are in their early 20's and they tell me stuff they remember that i never thought they knew its affected both their lifes and their relationships good luck hope this helps your friend

Answer 9

The only thing she can do at this point is confront him. And be prepared to leave her situation. He is cheating, you cannot make a man be faithful. She has to decide if she wants to share him with his other girlfriend, or if she is going to stand up for herself and her child. Life is hard and sometimes we have to do the things we don't want to.

Answer 10

She needs to move on. If her hubby is cheating he does not love her and it is just a matter of time before he leaves her. She needs to get a back bone and leave him. She needs to stand on her own to feet and take care of herself. Why would she want to stay with a man if he cheats on her. Once a cheat always a cheat.