How can i regain trust in myself, and the trust of my partner, after i cheated on her. Its hard to come over.

Question

Its hard to approach her, regain her trust, sometimes we fight,specially when we talk about what happened. But we understand each other, she knows that i do her wrong, and know want to be trust worthy each other, but the problem remains that the girl with whom i cheated for, work in the same firm as mine. Sometimes she phoned me, not usual. But now there's nothing between us, i want to stabilise my life and family, what must i do.

Its hard to approach her, regain her trust, sometimes we fight,specially when we talk about what happened. But we understand each other, she knows that i do her wrong, and know want to be trust worthy each other, but the problem remains that the girl with whom i cheated for, work in the same firm as mine. Sometimes she phoned me, not usual. But now there's nothing between us, i want to stabilise my life and family, what must i do.

Answer 1

If there is any hope you must find another place to work. Get a new phone number, make sure the other woman understands you don't want any contact. In fact you should avoid spending any time alone with any woman friend ever again. Yea, Your going to have to make a lot of changes..
Ask yourself can you do this? Or will you just hurt her again?
If you can't. Do her a favour. LET HER GO!

Answer 2

To re-establish trust is a very difficult thing. You are going to have to do a lot of re-enforcing how you feel to make her feel she can trust you again.

But having the girl involved always in your vicinity is never going to work...even though you say it's over. I don't think there's a woman alive who would trust that ever.

So start looking for another job, the sooner the better....you caused this...now you have to fix it for the sake of those you love. It is the only way....and that doesn't mean it will totally solve everything, but it will help.

Answer 3

First of all, I want you to know that you and your girl are in my prayers. I know this is hard because my husband and I are going through the same thing right now.
First of all, from a woman's perspective, I must tell you that this will take a long time to heal...for both of you. You must find patience you never knew you had because, no matter how much your girl loves you, and wants to forgive, its going to take time. Right now, for her, the wounds are SO raw. She asks you questions because she is trying to understand why you felt the need to be with another woman, she is thinking about what might be wrong with her, what the other woman did that was better, all kinds of things. It torments her.
When she asks these questions, be honest, but calm and, after answering each question, tell her how much you regret it, wish you could take it back, that it will never happen again and, most importantly, how much you love her. Reassure her constantly, even when you get weary. Let her vent...she's earned the right, and if she doesn't get it out of her system now, it will go on and on.
Then, do everything you can to show her that it will never happen again. Do not talk to the other woman ever again. Refuse her calls and, if possible, let your girl hear and see you refuse her calls. Make sure you politely tell this woman that you cannot and will not sacrifice your life with your girl for anymore contact with her. Tell her how mych you love your girl and that what happened was a mistake that will not be repeated. I agree with the poster who said that you may have to actually change jobs. It may be that your girl will never get over it if she knows that you may still have opportunity to see this woman, even briefly.
Then, try going back in time, and do all of the things that you did to win your girl in the beginning. Woo her. Bring her flowers. Take her out. Show her that she's special. Leave little notes, text her, email her, call her. The time that you spend doing this will 1.) show her how much you love her, and, 2.) show her that you couldn't possibly have time to cheat on her again, if you are spending so much time writing.talking to her.
I know this sounds like a lot of work but, believe me, if you love her and want her trust back, its worth it.
For you, the best way to keep from cheating again is to not allow yourself to be in a situation which creates an opportunity to cheat. You can't be alone with another woman. You can't get into personal conversations with other woman. Keep you work life and your private life separate. The hardest thing for your girl, I suspect, is what you might have said to the other woman about your life with your girl when you were with her. My husband shared some very intimate things about me with his mistress and, when she told me what she knew about me, it was worse than the sex itself, because the breach of trust was so bad. To have to think about your husband having sex with another woman is bad enough...for the other woman to know intimate details about MY body, my home, my kids, my LIFE, was even worse.
I also agree with the poster who advised you to imagine your life without your girl in it, when you are tempted to cheat, and realize that if you do, you will lose her. Think of your girl with another man. Because, if you cheat again, and she leaves you, eventually, she WILL find another. Do you want to live the rest of your life knowing that another man is sharing her heart, her soul, her body and her love, with another? I'm sure you don't. Please, think of the consequences. If you do, and if you really love your girl, you can and WILL resist temptation.
I hope I have been some help to you. Again, both of you are in my prayers.

Answer 4

well u seem like a really nice guy and u seem to have a great girl if she is with u even though u did her wrong so i would tell her if u r going out where ur going if u go somewhere she doesnt want u to go dont make a fight out of it just listen to her reasons and do as she says depening on the situation. but i would not have sex until u have gained trust with her.

Answer 5

My husband and I went through a similar situation. I know how your partner feels and it is going to take time. I put my husband through hell!!! I checked his phone , the computer, everything. But the best thing for me was he sat down with me and asked me how did I feel and he wanted honesty and I cut loose on his ***!!!! I yelled called him every name in the book and I felt better. I knew my husband felt bad when he got on his knees and cried. My husband never cries. But i realized that if this marriage is what I wanted then I needed to learn how to forgive not just for him but for us. Argueing about it does nothing but open all wounds again and again. I made the mistake of wanting to know everything and that is a big one. Your partner feels like she wasn't enough for you that you didn't love them enough. Try doing little things to show her that you're sorry. Tell her that . I promise as time goes on it will get easier. As for you trusting yourself ask yourself this How much does your partner mean to you? Can you imagine your life without them? It's up to you. How far are you willing to go to make it right? You're in my prayers.

Answer 6

it would be pretty hard if you really want to and she does then go to a councelor cause if you two talk alot about the past and bring this up and up all the time forever it will get old stuff and slowly it will wear you down and you wont' care but to get out of it. you know once you have done something that wrong its pretty hard to belive somone again. its very hard to listen and belive agian. she will have to be strong and really care to listen to you again. then it will be always on her mind what you are doing when you say you are doing something and that is not her fault but her bringing up the past will be hard also not sure but maybe with talking it out and working things out you call can work it out and be happy again i am not sure.

Answer 7

my ex and i are contemplating over the same issue. well really he is because im the one he's trying to win back. anyways, after all the cheating he has done to me and other unmentionable things he would have to do absolutely every single thing i wished and kept that consistant for some years before i would even think about him again. make sure all the things you know she doesnt like for you to do or stay away from is done. you basically have to do her every command. if your willing to go through Hell and high water to win her back she will eventually take you back. dont pressure her about getting back either or complain about having to do what your doing to get her back cause you didnt consider all that when you was doing what you were to her did you?

Answer 8

Make a big effort to change your job. To be in the same work that can't help at all to try to build something if the reason of the problem is there, even when you try to make it work.

Everything is possible, search for a new job.

Answer 9

After turbulences of life, even if you failed to stand temptation, you come to understand and revalue what you have, your partner, your feeling towards her. So in any case such ups and downs make the relationship stronger. So I'd say, after you cheated it's more probable to add to your relationship, to ripe it, than if you didn't.

Answer 10

Do yourself and your partner a favor and finish the relationship. Time heals all wounds and you need time to rediscover what it is that is truly important to you in this life. If you do love her set her free....