Do you Haiku....opinions please?

Question

I recently started writing haikus for fun. What's your opinion on these? I realize some of these are not true haikus, since they deal with human elements and some words end in ING, but I'm just trying my hand at them.


Sleeping angels stir,
As the dawn begins anew,
A new beginning.

The dragon breathes
The fire of creation,
Then he sleeps once more.

Grace under fire,
A cruel world to bare,
The triumph of you.

Softly spoken echos,
Of the cherished times gone by-
Our hearts remember.

Answer 1

Yeah I do but I seldom bother to write them down. If this is your work it's interesting and shows promise for a beginner. I think anyone who creates should accept early in the personal process that it's seldom that one spits out a Mozart like composition so reworking the the "rough" cut should not be above your efforts. Poems often evolve, save the notes from the conception but never be fearful to seek improvement, there aren't any rules stopping you. My final opinion is this, the poem you creat is yours alone; meant to please you hopefully, and only you know when it's right. Tootle ooo!

Answer 2

Not bad. I'd change the "anew" in the first haiku's second line though...it's too close to "a new" in the next line. Try "the day" or some other two syllable combo.

The next one faulters out of the gate because "the dragon breathes" is only 4 beats, not 5, and the second line only has 6 instead of 7. Then your last line is a continuation of the second...a no-no for haiku's (the third line is supposed to be the turn).

Next one has an "iffy" first line of 5 beats..."fire" is a quasi 2-syllable word. Then you have a malapropism in the next line...I think. You used "bare", as in to be naked, when I think you meant "bear" as in to carry a load. And again, you used line three as a continuation line.

Lastly, the final Haiku is very good. Correct number of beats, good word choice, turn at the end...perfectly done. Nice job. I didn't "bust you" for "echoes" because "echos" is actually an alternate spelling. Just be aware that "echoes" is the "usual" spelling, at least in the US.

keep writing

Answer 3

Human elements and words ending in "ing" have nothing to do with true haikus; it's the number of syllables per line that make a poem a haiku (5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, and 5 in the third). Therefore, of these, only the first is a "true" haiku. However, they all have very lovely imagery contained within them. I especially like the dragon-themed one, and the first line of the third one, "grace under fire."

Answer 4

Well I think Kevin a bit to 575 focused but he did get a lot right

#1> "anew" in the first haiku's second line though...it's too close to "a new" in the next line.

#2 I like this one. You might improve it by reworking line 3. Still, not bad as is.

#3 Second catch by Kevin - misused bare/bear. Also, a resonance awkwardness.

#4 I like this one a lot, though I might strip it down.

Soft spoken echos
Cherished time gone by
Our hearts remember

A Haiku 4 U

Past is memory
The future, anyone's guess
All of time is now

Answer 5

The dragon is very good. And yes, "echoes", is not at all what one would expect from a hiku, too human, but I still like it. The first one is not to my taste (not into angels) and it doesn't really set anything you can visualize. Try something like this:
Angels stir awake
Caressed by dawn's golden light
a new beginning

Answer 6

I Don't Haiku
Tho I See You Do
And Unseen I Go.

Answer 7

The last one is the best.

Answer 8

I use to
but i keep farring
rocks in way

Answer 9

there nice:]
the last one is my favorite

Answer 10

i like them. :]