he has afairs at work
2007-08-20 17:22:22 · 13 answers · asked by KAY KAY 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ditch him unless you have children. If you have children, then go to a counselor.
2007-08-20 17:26:06 · answer #1 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the person who knows their spouse has had an affair and is still trying to understand why, acknowledging the prevalence of affairs in our society can help them put it in a more realistic perspective. Understanding just how many others face the same situation (regardless of who they are or who they're married to) can help break the sense of being so alone, isolated, or "singled out" for this experience. It can help overcome the feeling of "why me?" Couples can't avoid affairs by assuming monogamy or even by promising monogamy without discussing the issue. And they can't avoid affairs by making threats as to what they would do if it happened. Either of these paths creates a cycle of dishonesty. In either case, people don't feel free to admit being attracted to someone else. If they don't admit these attractions, then they won't admit being tempted. If they don't admit being tempted, then they certainly won't admit it if and when they finally act on the attraction. The effect on the relationship is to cause it to be filled with jealousy and suspicion, as well as making it less likely that it will be monogamous.
What will work:
On the other hand, by specifically making a commitment to honesty, both partners realize that attractions to others are likely, indeed inevitable, no matter how much they love each other. So they engage in ongoing honest communication about the reality of the temptations and how to avoid the consequences of acting on those temptations. The effect on the relationship is to create a sense of closeness and a knowledge of each other that replaces suspicion with trust, making it more likely that it will be monogamous.
Why honesty works:
The process of discussing attractions actually decreases the likelihood of acting on them, because it focuses on the potential problems of acting on them; whereas when a person is tempted to have an affair, their private thoughts usually dwell only on the potential pleasures. There's an added fascination and excitement about feelings that are kept secret as compared to those that are acknowledged and discussed. Shedding the cold light of day on secret desires goes a long way toward diminishing their power.
Who can use this process?
This process of acknowledging attractions and discussing how they are to be handled is one that both married and unmarried couples need to address prior to any problem with affairs. Constantly wondering and worrying about this issue creates a strain between partners that may prevent their developing a sense of trust in each other. They need to talk through their feelings about monogamy and attractions to other people on an ongoing basis as their relationship develops.
Bottom Line: There are no guarantees. The issue of monogamy is never settled once and for all. It requires ongoing honest discussion of the issue. This makes it possible for a couple to feel they really know each other, making it more likely they can trust that they won't deceive each other, thus preventing affairs.
2007-08-21 01:00:25 · answer #2 · answered by Nita and Michael 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are happy with this situation then stay with him. If not, tell him about it. If he says he will stop and you can forgive him, then it's good. But, once a cheater, always a cheater. It's all up to you. Only you can decide how much you can put up with. But consider this, there is alot of std's out there. If he gets it, you get it. Is it worth it? And do you want to settle for sloppy seconds? Don't you think you deserve better? When you answer these questions I think you will come up with the answer. Then move on and get the life you deserve. Good Luck.
2007-08-21 00:44:00 · answer #3 · answered by darlene z 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HE NEEDS TO BE SERVED SEPARATE MAINTENCE PAPERS AND GIVEN ULTIMATIUM TO STOP OR GO.
YOUR QUESTION SEEMS TO IMPLY YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHNG FOR HIM. MAKE HIM SEE THE REALITY OF CHOICES.
UNLESS YOU DONT CARE THAT HE IS HAVING THESE AFFAIRS AT WORK AND WHO KNOWS WHERE ELSE. YOU IMPLY MORE THAN ONE AFFAIR.
WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE? Ask what should you do for a wife who is unloved?
2007-08-21 00:38:55 · answer #4 · answered by POORME 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do you know for a fact he has afairs at work? if so how do you feel about that?
2007-08-21 00:32:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Divorce him... After doing a Loraina Bobbit on him!!!
2007-08-21 00:35:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you want to do? Are you sure he is cheating? Find out for sure and tell him to put a stop to it or you are leaving.
2007-08-21 02:46:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can keep his *** at work because I'd make damn sure he didn't have a house to come home to.
2007-08-21 00:36:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he can so he does. he does not think you wil leave no matter what he does so get moving and divorce him its best for you and your peace of mind. be free from this mess.
2007-08-25 00:13:42 · answer #9 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He obviously cares nothing about your feelings. And please stop having sex with him before you get something! Not all things can be avoided with condoms! If he is even using them. Please please run far far away there are better men out there! Life is to short to live it shackled to a man like that
2007-08-21 00:39:20 · answer #10 · answered by jillianszoo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋