what should this say to make you actually read this and help me out?

Question

I am out to everyone at school, and my mom, and brother. My mom asked me not to tell the family for fear they will reject me.
So I respected her wishes. Now, I want to tell my father. I would have a while back, but i was busy mending our relationship. but now I feel like i should tell him, and I want to. I live with him everyother weekend, and will see him this weekend.

So I was wondering, do you think it would be okay/ better for me to come out

via Email,
To give him some time to think about it so that he will have time to gather words for this weekend, if we have a talk.

OR

Face to face, and have him react however, right then and there.


hmmmm.
opinions?

and

if he reacts badly,
then i will have two parents that just
really dont like that part of who I am
how could I cope?

but i looking on the bright side, er trying too :]



oh and if i told him via email, i feel like I could definately express my feelings better writing, than talking.

Answer 1

I'd do it face to face. Sit him down and tell him you have something serious to discuss with him . Your dad is probably looking for ways he can be a dad in this part-time relationship you have with him. Then the first thing I'd say is "I know you may not approve but because I love you I want you to know who I am and what I am looking for from you is acceptance of me for all that I am." Then come out to him and by that time all the terrible things that he can imagine will have run through his head and I'm willing to bet that being Lesbian is not one of them so he may actually be relieved.
If he reacts strongly you may have to explain how happy you are and that you have great plans for your future and that your orientation is only one part of you. The rest is the little girl he has always loved and that part will not change.
You may have to give him time to think about it. I would suggest you do not tell him your mother wanted to keep it from him because that only hooks into whatever animosity there may be between them and takes away from what you are trying to say.

Answer 2

I think there are a couple of things to consider: a) what makes you more comfortable in what is a difficult situation, and b) how will you best be able to communicate what you need to say. Personally, from what you have said, I think an email would be better for you and I am speaking from personal experience. I, too, was mending my relationship with my Dad and I chose email. It gave me the opportunity to say everything I needed to say and reassure him that it was nothing he had 'done.' The next day I got a fantastic email back that opened the entire dialog.
By the way, I think your Mom is worried about you but maybe also a little worried about 'what the neighbors will say', but this is important for you. Best wishes and good luck

Answer 3

There is no one perfect way to do this since everyone reacts differently.

Since you say you write better, tell him in an e-mail. He may need time so he may not want to see you this weekend. At the end of your e-mail, ask him if he still wants to see you this weekend. Give him the time he needs, because what you are telling him is very hard for some people to digest.

If you have two parents who don't approve of your homosexuality, then that's the reality. Sometimes they come around in time.

Look at it this way, when you tell a parent, it is like something died. They have these plans of you marrying and having kids, etc., and when you say you're gay, to them, some hopes have died. It takes time for them to understand that you are the same person and you can still get married and have kids and have a wonderful life as a gay person. But you still need to be respectful and let them "mourn" and give them time if they need it. Keep telling them you love them. Show them by your example that you are a loving, good, moral person.

Good luck to you and God bless you.

Answer 4

I was pretty uncomfortable about the idea of face to face or even by phone (they were 350 miles away), so I wrote a letter. They called me immediately. For me it was the right way to do it, and I have yet to hear of someone who had a better coming out experience. It's like my parents had some PFLAG manual telling them what to say--pretty unexpected, actually.

My advice is to do what you think both of you would be most comfortable with. If you think he might need some time to think and recover from any possible shock, then definitely consider email.

Answer 5

I do hope you receive the answer you want here, ultimately your going to have to make this decision on your own.

I think, I agree with the other answer - in that you would be better off telling your father face to face - this gives him more insight to how much this means to you, how important it is for you to be accepted by him and hopefully help you to feel better about family bonds/ties.

Hope things work out for you.......:-)


Keep writing, if for yourself, it will help you learn more about your inner feelings - writting is a great way to express yourself, especially if you need to think things through first/ or such.

Answer 6

Face to face would be best, but if you are fearful he will kick you out of the house or somethijg that extreme, compromise by writing a letter. It's more personal than e mail. I suspect he will tolerate your news though, or you would not feel ready to come out to him.

Answer 7

I would try and do so face to face. This is a serious thing for you, and for him as well. An email is just too impersonal. Perhaps it would be nice for your mother to be there with you, for emotional support. Best Wishes!