A gifted child?

Question

My child is gifted, she has scored at the upper 99% nation wide for intelligence. Now having explained this, here is my question. She is extremely worried about death and natural disasters. She is so introverted, never really wanting to go outside and play, seeming to be content in her room. I ask her if she is lonely being an only child and she replies "yes", well go outside and play "no" she says "theres no one too play with" but i see lots of kids out side. She is only 10 yrs old this cant be very good socially. I mean she does seem content to be alone most of the time, but is all this really normal?

Answer 1

I would enroll her into Mensa so she can have access to other intelligent people.

I was very intelligent and anti-social as a child, sometimes she needs a boost. A lot of smart people do not feel understood by others, and may be judged. Kids are cruel, but adults can be too.

Get her enrolled into gifted classes in school. Also, make sure she isn't in a school where she will be judged. I was at a school where most kids were of semi-wealthy parents, white, then went to a country school with blacks and mixed black/white (interracial). When I went to the poor school, I was judged only because they felt insulted by how I dressed - I looked like a snob. I was very troubled to even use profanity and I would choose to relate more with adults, especially at 10. I did find friends in junior high but I never let them influence me.

When I was 10, I worried alot about the house catching fire, especially around Christmas. I went to a child psychologist, and she told my mom my IQ was almost genius and never to put me on medication. You have a very creative/intellectual daughter, and forcing her to do something she doesn't feel comfortable doing my further ruin her self-esteem. Still, it can be frustrating. I never rode a bike and refuse to this day. You just have to show her that you love her, and guide - not control. If she says she wants to do something you don't like, ask her why.

I personally hate people and highschool and some college people refreshed this idea. I would limit her interaction with normal children as they may influence her in the wrong direction. This Generation Y isn't cool, and I hear Generation Z (your daughter is at the end of Y) isn't going to be either. Generation X wasn't so great either, but the baby boomers (former hippies) grew up and many work in corporations, or are in prison.

If she doesn't have them already, I would also get her Legos and even a rubik's cube. Maybe even give her sudokus to play with. But like Mensa says, they wish intelligent people wouldn't just do puzzles and also help to solve real world problems.

I do not fall under the theory that most or all smart people go insane. That's a stereotype, and with the psych profession actually in control of who is determined intelligent, abnormal, etc., I would be very careful to let her see an APA-friendly person.

You may want to go to a library and research the genius concept. Though it is used as loosely as the term "mentally ill", your daughter really sounds like she falls in the real genius category. You may be able to find books on how to raise a genius child. You want to be as open-minded as you can be.

A great intellectual of our time, who is very paralyzed (he talks through a machine) is Stephen Hawkings. Do NOT freak out when you see him, especially live. He's not dead, just confined to a wheelchair with an intel-chip, which I think produces his voice. He is really big on black holes and has popularized the theory of multiuniverse, although I do not know if he has actually adopted that terminology. Alot of people nowadays considered to be intelligent are said to be physicists (Albert Einstein). One of the most famous people ever to live is said to pretty much have been Leonardo Da Vinci, who was both intellectual and creative, an odd combo these days.

I hope this gives you an idea in your situation.

Answer 2

She could feel different and she doesn't feel like she could fit in. This can be caused by her being so smart it can be hard to feel "normal" because it can be hard to relate to kids her age. I would not talk so much about how smart she is because to a child it could be taken as she is just abnormal. If she is happy in her room don't worry about her when she is ready for something new she will do that. I wonder how did you find out about the 99% score? If she had to do test or speacial classes that could make her feel different too. Just let her be and don't put pressure on her or make a big deal about her also she would probably find people a little older to be better to relate to.

Let her come to you and ask for what she wants maybe hint at something once in a while to only make sure she knows whats available if she wants it. Don't push her it is making her pull back wait until she wants to do something.She will come around just fine. It only counts if she tells you she is lonely without you asking her first. Don't take her counciling that will definatly make her feel weird especially at her age.

James has got it I only think putting her in a group activity would just be the same random socializing. If she does want to do something she would probably be most comfortable with older people I was a gifted child too and I think you can be pround but even more importatly be supportive the most the security of knowing you will always be there for her will make the fears go away. I do think all kids go through the fear phase it will pass if she has support from you.

Answer 3

Yes, I was a very gifted and intelligent child. I'm afraid of tornado's and earthquakes but I love lightning. I lived in a basement up until after I got a job in high school. She will in time want to discover her own friends. Her curiosity will get the best of her. The thing is keep telling her she's smart and how wonderful she is. That's something I never had. But she's still a kid she might have, as adults call them imaginary friends, so she might not feel a need to have friends outside of her world. She won't talk about them, and don't press to, they might be what keep her out depression. In her mind she probably has a world that will amaze you if she could let you see with a camera, like a movie. And I like being alone, because no one understands how talented I am. Criticism will be the hardest thing she will go through, probably why she's so introverted, but if you teach her now how to handle things like that it will make it easier for her when she older. Don't worry one day you'll back and she will amaze you.

Answer 4

I was a gifted child, upper 99%, same deal. I often found it difficult to relate to a lot of kids my own age. They didn't get me and I hated trying to dumb myself down so they could understand. So I just avoided them. I also got picked on alot. It is very possible that the other kids really are not very nice to her. Enrolling her in activities will give her a chance to build confidence and get to know some new people without the stress of random socialization. It at least gives them a common places to start from and common interests. For an introverted child, just going up to someone and asking to play with them is one of the hardest things in the world to do. I eventually just forced myself to act like I was outgoing, even though it still felt awkward. I just eventually realized that I was not having any fun being shy. As for the fixation on death and disaster, Give her statistics. She's a smart girl, she'll know the the difference between comforting platitudes and hard facts. Most of all just be proud of her.

Answer 5

Well, coming from me I believe you really should encourage her to go outside and play. Encourage, not push. It's quite normal, actually, because she does not know enough to be unhappy about missing anything or not being open enough with others. I personally think that you approach her all wrong; you ever get good results when you come up to any person and tell them that they are lonely. From what I see, she is a child who is waiting for permission or an invitation to play. Just remember to look her in the eye and tell her you're proud of her when she steps out of her comfort zone--but be genuine. The natural disaster thing...she needs and wants your assurance that everything's going to be fine. She might also need reassurance that she can be loved despite her intelligence.

Answer 6

Smart people think way too much sometimes. And this is probably why she worries about natural disasters etc. Its almost like someone over analyzing their relationship. They cause problems for themselves when there was none to start with.
As far as the lonely part of it all. Be careful with her. She needs to play with other kids. But she may feel uncomfortable since they are not on the same level as her. You have to remember most of the really intelligent people throughout history like Einstein were very lonely and it made them crazy.

Answer 7

As a kid that was gifted...and an only child... and socially awkward, this is so familiar to me. She may have self-esteem issues, and may feel that she doesn't fit in with the other kids. Smart kids get set apart a lot in school, and this is not something kids are unaware of. Only children tend to blame themselves for EVERYTHING, so while it may actually be the other kids not being able to relate to her... she may self-blame, and feel that there is something wrong with her. And it's a lot easier to hide from those feelings in her room.

If a team activity doesn't seem to work, or makes her nervous/ anxious, maybe take her to a counselor. A professional can help her rationalize her feelings, and find constructive ways for her to socialize without feeling overwhelmed. Also keep in mind that puberty brings about a bunch of emotional changes...

I don't know what to say about her irrational fears, except that only children (with not a lot to do but entertain themselves) get lost in their own imaginations. Again, a counselor can help, because those fears do begin to interfere with normal life. I have tendencies similar to people with OCD because or irrational fears that were ignored too long.

The best thing would probably be to take care of these things soon. Puberty is when so much of the self-concept is formed, and these things are harder to fix when self-blame and irrationality has been engrained already. I waited until college to seek help. And believe me, there is nothing healthy about a 19 year-old who's a hypochondriac, afraid of the dark, slightly OCD, and with social anxiety. At 22, I'm now much healthier, but wish my family had the insight that you have with your daughter to seek help.

Answer 8

I was a gifted child, but overly social ha ha. I would suggest enrolling her in an art class, dance class, karate etc.. Sometimes libraries have days for kids around that age to come read & play. Anything that would have kids her age there. I would also explain to her how slim the chances are of those things happening. When I was young statistics would have made me felt better than my mom saying, "dont worry about it." If shes not to old maybe enrolling her in a daycare a few hours a day. That always helps kids.

Answer 9

If she says she is lonely, then she is. See if she would like to get involved in some group or team activity where she will socialize with kids more. There's sports, music, girl scouts, dance classes, religious youth groups, art programs, etc. Find something she is interested in and let her be with other kids who share her interests. It's possible she does not feel she has anything in common with the kids outside, or she feels shy and out of place. She needs to find her place to feel comfortable and to shine. Good luck!

Answer 10

Well it's great that shes gifted but she has irrational fears. I would talk to her school teacher maybe putting her in a program like karate, or a sport or creative club that will help her socialize. Try to schedule play dates for her and the child can come to your house. My daughter thought she wasn't as capable as the boys in karate but after she started learning she loved it and found how empowering it was. Good luck to you and your daughter....