Poetry - Alright, I'll try and think of something?

Question

Politician

It's got a slimy disposition
Like an oily transmission

Its promises are steep and deep
The alert see it's just a heap

Rewards -- only others reap.

It runs and runs til dereliction
Is an answered prayer from benediction

And can defeat reverse the heat
from you who burned us common sheep

A loss -- I want to keep.

I sort of decided to do this as an exercise. See if I could go to a poetry thread and write a poem.

Don't be too harsh. I'm not a poet.

If there is a glaring problem though, alert me.

Its promises are steep and deep
The alert see it's just a heap

I think the first of the above line is kind of corny but I'm not sure how to replace it as the next line refers directly to it.

Very commonly, the word heap precedes the word S H I _ T. So that's that stanzas sole purpose.

I love reading and have read a million novels. But I've never been a big fan of poetry because I feel it's tough to actually be good and extremely easy to just do it. After all, anybody can.

Plus, I don't usually find myself immersed in a poem that way I am in a book.

But it looks like I may possibly become an English teacher myself. This year, I'm shaping up to be a T.A. while I apply to some companies. If that doesn't work out and I enjoy teaching, I may pursue it and teach English. I graduated college in 06' so I like to think I can take a little more time to decide.

Wow, the last review was very long and thought out. I appreciate it but I really only goof around with poetry because I always try too hard to sound poetic and the result, like you say, is pretentious. And yes, I'm familiar with those terms, as I am with one more - trochaic (the opposite of iambic, I think, if I remember correctly). I've taken poetry classes before because I always find poetry teachers to be very interesting. I just don't happen to currently have the ability or desire to really learn the art. Anytime I focus on creative writing, I usually write short stories or screenplays. And when I squeeze out a poem, it's usually a nonserious piece of nonsense that is neither personal or important to me. I just thought I had a neat idea with a rhyming scheme and concept before. I actually came on the boards to ask if anybody knew if Paul McCartney wrote the bassline to Old Brown Shoe, somehow stumbled across these boards, read a few poems, and took a stab at this for fun.

Answer 1

First of all, the good news...you ARE a poet...you became one the minute you started writing a poem...that's what makes a poet, writing. Now the bad news...well, it's not really "bad", it's just that you're a beginning poet, so you make beginner poet mistakes.

Understanding that you may become an English teacher, you should be aware of malapropisms, syntax, etc. Here's the thing: rhymed couplets are very difficult to do well...in fact, unless you're very good at poetry, you should probably stay away from them. Almost every beginning poet (even me) starts out with them, and almost every one of those who do, step on their poetic feet...pun intended. Why are they difficult to do? because unless the lines are long and the phrases well formed and natural, they sound too "rhymy"...for example:

twinkle twinkle little star
how I wonder what you are

see what I mean? Unless you're going to drop a deep thought bombshell at the end of your rhyme, it will sound childish. The great poets make it seem like the words they used were inescapable...but that takes practice and a seasoned ear. Not for the faint hearted, to be sure.

So, if not rhymed couplets, then what? Well, if you feel you "must" rhyme, then try something with an abab pattern, or abba, or abac or abcb, or ababb, or ababcc, the permutations are nearly endless...and there's a name for just about every one of them. The next thing to consider in rhymed poety is the meter...how many beats will you have per line, will you use iambic, dactyl, anapastic...or what? If you're going to be an English teacher, go out and buy a book on poetry if you're not already familiar with the words I just used...they form the basis in setting a tone for your piece.
If you're just starting out, your best choice is probably free or open verse. What's the difference? Open verse still maintains the meter and form, but it doesn't rhyme, whereas free verse is truly "free" in both meter, form and style...and it doesn't necessarily rhyme either...but you can always stick a rhyme in there somewhere if you need to make emphasis...especially towards the end.

Finally, don't get cute. It's okay to make a funny, or to poke fun, but sometimes you might try to come off funny and it just comes off pretentious. For example, the couplet "it run and runs...from benediction"...do those lines really belong together? This is why it might be better for you to stick with free verse until you start to "hear" the words. You already have the concept of images, but you still tend towards "telling" more than "showing"...another common mistake. Still, it's not that your poem was bad...it's just that it wasn't really very good...and I'm sure you want it to be good, right? Well, just like painting, you need to work at it, you need to start reading it and writing it. If you try to read the "great ones" you'll probably just put yourself to sleep. I'd recommend getting a copy of "the best loved poems of the american people". It was compiled by a very talented women who was a newspaper editor and it contains literally some of the best poems you'll ever read, and they are all very easily understood. They even have a section under "poems that tell a story" that I'm sure you'll be able to use in your classroom as well as your home. Maybe this will get your creative juices flowing. If it isn't available in your bookstore, it is easily ordered online.

meanwhile...keep writing

Answer 2

No bad at all considering you say you are not a poet. It has a good rhyming scheme, and interesting subject matter. Keep up the good work. The only thing you might want to watch out for is in the stanza that says
"Its promises are steep and deep"; it's a little rocky. You might also want to reconsider your wording in the part that says "the alert see it's just a heap". It really does not make sense. Otherwise, kudos!