If you don't know the format of an 'I Am" poem, here it is:
http://ettcweb.lr.k12.nj.us/forms/iampoem.htm
I know that I suck @ poetry...it's not my stron point...just want to know if it's worth a good grade? thnx =]
I am young and aware.
I wonder what goes on there.
I hear the shots and the bombs.
I see the troops fighting to stay calm.
I want the battle to disappear.
I am young and aware.
I pretend that it's already done.
I feel that it really has just begun.
I touch the button to change the channel.
I worry that it's going to get worst.
I cry because it's still not over.
I am young and aware.
I understand that it will not suddenly end.
I say , "Stop the fighting; peace is what I recommend."
I dream that there's something someone will do.
I try to turn the bad news into good news.
I hope that possibly that dream will come true.
I am young and aware.
2007-08-20 15:03:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I'm going to change a few things around, so I'll possibly post this again.
kthnx
2007-08-20 15:04:00 · update #1
This poem is phenomenal. You are young and aware and this poem definitely shows that. Not only is this unique, but truly creative. I would love to read more because it's very good. This is what poetry is all about. Keep your head up and keep writing. This is one of the many great poems on Yahoo Answers. Great job. I believe you can do great things.
2007-08-20 15:24:47 · answer #1 · answered by djb32067433_1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You get points for a consistant form, but lose some for the repetitive "I"s at the beginning of each line...they're unnecessary and distracting. Be careful of word misuse...like "worst"...you mean "worse", right? Your beats get carried away in the last stanza, but otherwise they are okay. I think the fact that you're young explains the naivete of the poem: both sides must want peace before the fighting can stop...or all you'll get is 911 and slaughter of those who stopped shooting. Sometimes there really are bad guys and good guys and the bad guys won't stop just because the good guys go home. It's a tough lesson that many adults don't yet comprehend, so I don't blame you for not understanding this about human nature at your age. So, you are aware, but also uninformed...and not yet jaded by life. Treasure your innocence while it lasts...and keep writing.
2007-08-20 20:01:56 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Second stanza, line 4 needs to be spelled "worse", not "worst". It's grammatically incorrect the way you currently have it. Other than that small detail, I would say this: I Am poems are DEEPLY and profoundly about the self. Yours really seems to be more about the war. Because I am hugely AGAINST the war, just as you are, I hesitate to criticize this poem much, but I would be very interested in hearing or reading a poem that is much more about you and your details, visions, aspirations, dreams, self. So I guess I'm saying, "Right sentiments and opinions, wrong forum...?" I hope you can hear this criticism without becoming angry. I am trying to say that I believe you are SO MUCH MORE than your opinions about the Iraq war. I do very much like the "I am young and aware." line tho'.
2007-08-21 02:38:18 · answer #3 · answered by calyx156 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really like your poems. Stop putting your poetry down!!! I really like the repetition of the line "I am young and aware" in this poem.
2007-08-20 16:11:33 · answer #4 · answered by anautumnrayne 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say you are not good at poetry? Whoever told you that? Keep on :)
Great poem!
Thanks for sharing!
2007-08-20 17:06:12 · answer #5 · answered by Poetry 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am an old grump
I am over the hill
I am a degenerate pervert
I am full of it
I am Sam, Sam I am
I kinda like it
I don't know why
I may never know why
I may find out why tomorrow
I may never see tomorrow
I think I should quit now
2007-08-20 15:25:43 · answer #6 · answered by Dondi 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I really like it. This poem is so true for many people. You are a great poet
2007-08-20 15:28:11 · answer #7 · answered by SnowWhite92 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
thats extremely touching but some parts you try to ryme but others you dont
good luck
2007-08-20 16:23:36 · answer #8 · answered by help me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋