Why am i so attracted to men who don't treat me so nice?

Question

And how do I stop this?

Answer 1

Everyone's different, of course. But, I've had problems with low self-esteem for most of my life. As far as men go, I've always chosen men that were never "real" possibilities - they were either married, gay, not interested in commitment or abusive in some way. After counseling, I realized that I was setting myself up - I was always choosing people with whom I couldn't possibly have a decent relationship. I didn't want to risk getting hurt (it was doomed from the start because he wasn't available so I didn't let myself get too emotionally involved) or I didn't think I deserved someone nice.

I don't know if there's a real cure for this - but I find being aware of what I was doing has helped me. When I meet someone now, I ask myself if there's any chance of it ever being something long-term - is he available? is he interested in a relationship? is he a good person? does he need "fixing" of some sort? (I definitely avoid the last group!) I still make mistakes sometimes, but I've been dating a much nicer group of men since I realized my bad patterns of the past.

Answer 2

I have no idea but when you figure it out let me know because im the same way. I NEED to find a real nice man thats going to treat me nice and like it. Im so tired of the sorry men ive had I think im going to stay single for a while. good luck

Answer 3

Only you can answer it. Are you Mother Theresa who is there to love the underdog - kind of rescue the unlovable?
Do you like the make up loving - need that roller coaster love hate thing to keep your drama going? Do you act like such a dish rag that only abusers are attracted to you because you are an easy mark? Do you like being a victim - enjoy the pity your friends show because "he is so bad" to you? Once you figure out what you get out of this, then you can change it, but you may need professional help to see what and why you do the same things over with each man.

Answer 4

of course the answer is not so simple, as we do not know your personality and looks and so forth.

Working blind, I can assume (and no offence intended) that you are below average in looks department, not an exceptional personality. etc and hence will only attract non-quality men.

Perhaps you have some doubts that you cannot attract good men that you get 'attached' to man who do not treat you well.


perhaps it is just the social circle you are in.

Answer 5

It's the influence of TV and movies where they show men with totally opposite and incompatible character traits. For example: a macho guy kills several people, then turns around and tenderly kisses his girl. In real life such character trait are incompatible: if you kill in cold blood, you can not feel any tenderness. So you are probably attracted to macho guys and expect them to be nice to you. They are never nice.

Answer 6

When there is something in your life you want to share, you will find the right man. Until that happens, you will continue to find men who take what they want.
Don't be in a hurry to be in a relationship for it's own sake. Being alone is not the worst thing that can happen.

Answer 7

There's a great deal of security in not having faith in anyone. By picking idiots, you'll never risk being dissappointed or emotionally hurt.

Set higher standards, and know that with your higher standards, you're going to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince. But you'll appreciate the prince that much more for it.

Answer 8

because women think they need to fix things and a brooding bad boy, seems like he needs to be fixed, but in all reality he is just an a hole... Find someone you aren't normally attracted to and give it a shot, u might find you haven't been giving the nice guy a shot.

Answer 9

Because you are a woman...


Haven't you ever heard that nice guys finish last?

Women have a tendancy to find a man who is a "project" and try to fix him, and they never do.

Men seek out a woman they like and hope she never changes, and she does.

It is as predictable as the tides.

Answer 10

Stop punishing yourself by stop blaming yourself.

We are conditioned to assign blame. When we blame ourselves for whatever, we also punish ourselves accordingly. Stop judging yourself and your actions and the pattern will end.