I feel stuck in a relationship where we fight and he controls me and the money. I have no family or friends?

Question

I have been completely isolated for the opportunity to make friends. It's been 7 years and he's been involved with some questionable activities lately. He's full of double standards, he has no conscience and blames all our problems on me. I moved with him 9 states in 7 years for his job and have tried to be supportive. But he won't let me work or leave the house without permission. And now I want out and that would mean going to the streets in a strange city. I sometimes think I'd be happier there. But the prospect scares me. Has anyone or is anyone in the same situation? What do you do? I feel trapped.

Answer 1

Call your friends or family from the past. Get out and run. You are not a puppy, you are not his 'thing'. And if the violence has not started yet, it will and it will increase. Get permission to go shopping and park the car at a store. Get on a city bus and get to a airport. Take cash and fly away. Alone is not what you should fear. You are alone. He sounds like a sociopath and will destroy you. He does not love you, and it is not your fault he is a failure. To him everything is someone Else's fault. A woman's shelter could help. If you have kids take them and go. Otherwise this will end badly.

Answer 2

Sounds like you're a prisoner in your own life. Here's how to gain confidence and courage, and to get out before you make
yourself sick by remaining: 1. Begin telling your story to the local domestic violence center in your town so that when you are ready you will have knowledgeable support. 2. Leave nothing out when talking to counselors at the hotline, they truly understand and have heard worse. 3. Decrease something you are purshasing so you wil have a little money when you have to leave. 4. Begin looking for times you can escape. 5.
Know that if you tell your plan to others, he is likely to find out whether you think so or not. 6. Know that you are not the only person this is happening to; and there is a very large community in the US that addresses issues just like yours. 7. Remain consistent with your behavior so that he will not suspect that you have HOPE. 8. Research shows that when you leave he will contact his and your friends and family to see where you are. 9. Domestic violence center do not give out information about you. 10. Once you leave, if you go back, it will be worse. 11. Begin reciting daily before a mirror, "I have every reason and right to take care of myself," 10 times, rapidly. Also, I recommend that you get, hide, and read a copy of "The Emotionally Abuse Woman," by Beverly Engel so that you can begin to gain insight into how and why this is occuring in your life. All the best to you!!

Answer 3

If you have been reading this site very long, you have seen your question before. You are married to a CONTROLLING man. This is ABUSE, honey. He cuts you off from family and friends so that he can be in complete control of you. You are NOT trapped. If you want out (don't tell him, just leave) you can go to any shelter for abused women. Tell them your situation and ask how to get a bus ticket "home" to where you have family and friends. From there you can find a job and get yourself your own place. You will be SO much better off. Please do this before he starts to hit you physically. That comes next in most cases like this.

Answer 4

My advice to you would be to first sit back ask yourself a couple of questions.
1: Do you think you were put on earth to be controlled and locked up?
2: Do you like having to sit in the house and watch your life pass you by everyday while he's out there being able to live his life to the fullest?
3: Do you like being treated like you're back living in you're moms house when you were like 16 and 17 being told what to do when to do how to do it and where to do it?
4: Do you enjoy being treated like a mindless dependent slave?

Now once you sit back and answer these questions to yourself I know for a fact it's going to piss you the **** off and make you think like damn I wasn't put on earth for this **** to not be free and live life to the fullest with no regrets no rules and no regulations. So my best advice to you would be at least if you're out there on the streets you're out there on you're own not being dependent on no man or not be pushed around like some child. And all you're worried about is the fact that you won't have any place to live I advise you to get either on the internet or in the yellow pages find you a shelter of some sort who provides some type of job program where you take some classes and they'll help you get a job or you need to be contact some family member and let them know what's going on so you're *** can get back home to getsome help so you can become independent and get your own money you're own life and start living.

Answer 5

Sometimes when we are in such a situation like yours we can't see what is really happening to us. We tend to act with our emotions only, and because of that our partner knows this and takes great pleasure controlling our emotions. We become isolated within ourselves and trapped in our environment because of years of not socializing with other people. However for whatever the reason, sanity gets a strong grip of our reality and calls on us to flee the situation; but our emotions response is, "maybe this is what love is, and I need to be a loving and obedient wife and do what he tells me to do." The problem with that is there is no reciprocation from him, showing you gently and tenderly that he loves you. There is fear inside of him because of "whatever" the reason, and he is afraid of losing his control over you. No one has the right to control you, no one has the right to isolate you, and no one has the right to intimidate you. So find yourself a way out. There are many options.(getting in contact with the local police, they can steer you in the right direction, hospital, shelter, counsellors etc.) And if he really loves you he will get help and find his way back to you without control, intimidation or isolation.
Be well with yourself and take confidence that you are making the first step in the right direction.

Answer 6

That is such a terrible thing and love should not hurt or be controlling. Unfortunately, he has very low self esteem and feels by controlling you he is a man. Honey life is too short and for him to cut you off from your family and friends is horrible. He does not love you because if he did he would not feel the need to control you! He has some issues and he needs to seek help but for you honey I would pack my **** and head for the nearest exit A/S/A/P.....because it will only get worse and the next thing you know he will be going up side your head when you tell him how you really feel about his controlling ways! Good luck honey!

Answer 7

Hi there, I would say that we are in the situation wherein me and my husband has to go to a lot of places because of his work. However, your husband is different from mine because my husband is very loving and affectionate towards me. And he would also be fine if I work.

I suggest that you talk to your husband and tell him how you feel trapped and isolated. Tell him that you mean no offense to him rather you needed him to understand that you need to do something for yourself. If you want to work, tell him the reason why you want to. Say you want to have your own money so you could help with the bills. If he doesn't even bother to understand you then I think it's time for you to leave him. You deserve to be happy with your life and you deserve a man who will take care of you and treat you as his equal.

Answer 8

He's an abusive husband. I'm guessing that if you pushed him by going out without permission or by getting your own job, he would probably hit you. Run, don't walk, to the nearest battered women's shelter. Just look in the phone book under social services. Call the information number and ask to speak to someone who can help you. They will help you get on your feet on your own or get you back to your hometown where you have friends and/or family.

Answer 9

you are. and he knows it. you are in trouble. u have to look into womens progarams in your area and erase the history in coumputer after you do this search online.. its not going to be an overnight thing, you have to plan it, dont tell a soul about it. if you wait to save enough money , you end up never leaving and he will find the money. find out about womens programs and womens shelters in your area, some of them will even pick u up. dont loose hope . you can do this.i doubh he has been faithful. he is insecure. and he knows you can do better than him , thats why he is trying so hard to hold on to you.you deserve better, you should not live like a prisoner when you have sooo much to give.
ps. if you go to a religious place like a church,,etc,, speak to the priest or something in private, he will be able to help you,, and dont be scared of what future holds withouth this man,,, be scared of what it holds WITH this man!!!! take care love!!

Answer 10

I agree with the few answers that have come so far. When you say he "won't let you" leave, does that mean you fear physical violence or emotional turmoil? Either way, it's still abuse. It's scary, and I agree that if you can sneek this post (please erase your internet history, by the way) you can sneek the call. Do you have access to a car? If not, walk. Just like another person said, don't tell him, just leave. You don't even need to leave him a written note.