Have you ever regreted not visiting a love one before they died?

Question

i'll try to make my story short--one of my grandparents is not doing well. she's taken a huge step backwards. she has trouble doing the basic things and can barely make full sentences. right now, she's in a nursing home. whenever i go there i become depressed and resort to unhealthy habits to deal. i have limited the number of my visits but feel guilty about it. it's a topic that always come up throughout the day. overall, i find the whole situation to be sad.

so, i guess i'm asking if anyone else experienced the same thing. did you regret not visiting your love one more often?

thank you for sharing your stories.

Answer 1

Well, I can definitely relate. When I was younger, my grandmother pretty much raised me, and was more than just a grandmother to me. Then she came down with brain and breast cancer, and she mentally digressed so much that it hurt me so much to see her. I got scared, and started self mutilating and such after I saw her, so I eventually ended up avoiding her just so that I didn't have to put myself through the trouble of seeing her and making myself more miserable. Then she unexpectedly died a few months later. I never got to say anything to her... to tell her how much I loved her (even though I'm not sure she would have understood) and I'm so ashamed of myself now. I know, with all my heart, that If I had been in her position, and she was in mine, that she would have spent every second at my bedside making sure that I was okay, and felt loved and cared for, no matter what. I guess that's the thing that hurts the most; that she would have been there for me, when I wasn't there for her when she needed me. She was probably in so much pain and so sad and alone... and I wasn't there. It's haunted me for the past 5 years, and it will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. I hope that helped you out some. I know its sad, but please, don't make the same mistake I did. It's a lot harder to live with the guilt, believe me.

Answer 2

Last November my great-grandma suffered a heart attack which landed her in the hospital and she ended up having a triple bypass. It was my decision to see her or not. I chose not to. I thought of it this way: The great-grandma I'd grown to love was fun, always happy and doing what she loved. I didn't want the last time I saw her to be sick in a hospital bed. It sounds selfish, and to an extent, yeah I regret it. However, you've got to decide what's best for you sometimes, you know? I would find other ways to cope with this, because I'm sure the last thing your grandma would want is for you to be unhappy. Once my great-grandma was out of the hospital, I visited her every weekend at her recovery home, even if it was just for 10 minutes. If it's that hard on you, maybe you should stay away for a while. I hope everything works out for you both.

Answer 3

Yeah I have been there a few times. I had a grandmother who lived about 12-13 hours away and when she died I couldn't go to her funeral because I didn't have the money to get there. I have also had more relatives that lived in the same place as my grandmother pass on, and I couldn't go for the same reason. I will always regret not being closer to them and picking up the phone to call them when I had the chance.
I wasn't exactly close to them because they lived so far away my whole life, but I will always wonder "what-if?" You know what I mean?

Answer 4

I remember when my nan said that she felt ill and stayed at my uncles for a while. I had been up a few times to see her and no one knew how serious it was but on this particular day my dad had asked if i wanted to go up, i said no and my nan had died the day after. I still feel guilty to this day and wished i had gone up to see her more.

I know the situation might upset you, especially seeing your nan so fragile and even though she can barely make sentences, she still knows your there.

I am not gonna say go more often because that's your choice but i think you may regret it later on in life if you don't.

Answer 5

Go to the home now if you were sick would they come see you every chance they get. when they are gone you will be able to miss a visit because they won't be there to visit you have a chose now. they don't. Do you think they want to be there. you could make a big difference in the rest of the time they have even if they can't talk. You can Read or just sit there and let them feel your presents.

LOVE THOSE WHO LOVE YOU!

Answer 6

It was the same for me my grandmother went into a nursing home and I went a few times but couldn't take it because towards the end she didn't even know who I was and that was so hard for me because most of my entire life we were very close. I just couldn't take it any more I wanted to remember her like she use to be not what she had become. For me I was happy when she died so she hopefully would be with my grandfather and didn't have to live like that anymore. I miss her so much but I know she's in a better place.....Also she was 86

Answer 7

let me tell you what happened to my mother, and i hope that this story helps you open up your eyes and realize that you are making a big mistake by not visiting as much as you should. My grandma lived in mexico, she would come once in a while to visit here in ca. I wasnt very close to her because of the distance. my mom begged her to move out here with us but she refused. One day my mom gets a phone call from my uncle saying that my grandma had been hit by a car and she was in a hospital in mexico, he was gonna drive her here to LA to a hospital because the hopitals out there are very bad. so to make a long story short my grandma was driven to martin luther king hospital, where she was for a total of 6 days, my mom would go visit her every day if she could, but she didnt have a car, so she would always hitch a ride with one of us, I remember this day very clearly, it was a sunday, and it was very rainy, she asked me for a ride to see her, i told her that i did not like driving on the freeway in the rain. she did not find a ride so she gave up and i promised to take her the next day. at bout 12 pm we received the phone call that my grandma had passed, until this day i regret not taking my mom, my mom still grieves , and blaimes herself for not being there, im not saying that this will happen to u, nor i wish it happening to anyone else, but im saying just be there, because when she she is gone you will not forgive yourself, trust me, i never will!

Answer 8

WELL, ITS HARD TO COPE WITH THE CHANGES PEOPLE HAVE AS THEY GET OLDER. I HAVE SEEN BOTH MY GRANDPARENTS DIE. A FEW YEARS AGO. BUT THE HARDEST WAS LOSING MY MAM WHO I LOOKED AFTER THEN JUST OVER TWELVE MONTH AGO MY DAD. WHO I ALSO LOOKED AFTER, BUT THROUGH IT ALL I NEVER STOPPED SEEING ANY OF THEM. I DONT REGRET A THING ONLY THEM NOT BEING HERE NOW, BUT AT LEAST I WAS THERE TILL THE END. SO DO WHAT YOU FEEL YOU CAN LOVE WHY THERE IS STILL A TIME TO VISIT. BECAUSE ONCE THEY HAVE GONE ITS TOO LATE TO WISH YOU HAD.

Answer 9

i know what you're dealing with, i am going through a nearly identical situation...


my view:
i don't think you should feel guilty depending on your reasons.
your grandmother probably doesn't want you to see her this way.




my story (not to bring it to me, but it's relevant.):
my great grandma has alzheimer's. a week ago she was speaking and getting into the car and stuff and then she suddenly stopped doing all of these things, she was speaking yesterday and now... not so much. and now she refuses to eat/ swallow.



i don't want to visit her because i want to remember her the way i last saw her, when she looked healthy and could speak and still cracked jokes.

Answer 10

I lost my grandfather and before his death he requested me to return 2,000 miles from my home to see him. I did and I've never regretted it although it meant I could not afford to fly in for his funeral when he died the next week. Seeing him alive meant alot more to me than waiting for him to die. Try to rise above how it makes you feel and concentrate on her. If she recognizes you yet, it's important to see her. You will have regrets if you don't so even though it's painful to see her like that, you are smart to go now as often as you can.Too soon it will be too late and then you think you feel guilty now, it will intensify your guilt. So, be brave for her sake. o.k.