Insensitive comment?

Question

My husband and I had sex on the first date, and here we are 7 years later and married. I know this is an unusual situation and I do regret it. No lecture needed. I have since turned my life around and am on the right pathway. Today, we were talking on the phone and joking with one another. I was asking him to do me a favor and I teased him and I said I'd put out if he did this favor for me. He then replied that any girl who would sleep with a guy after the first day, especially when dinner was at Applebee's, would certainly put out for this favor. He had always teased me about sleeping with him on the first date, but this time he personalized it even more by mentioning where we went on the first date and that it wasn't even a nice restaurant and I put out anyway. He said he was joking (of course) but my feelings are still hurt. What do I do now? I feel like he subconsciously doesn't respect me at all because of that, but we have been married almost 6 years.

My husband is NOT an insensitive guy. However, I don't believe he was joking. Maybe he doesn't realize that he has feelings about us having sex on the first date. It could be subconscious.

Answer 1

Sweet Pea I don't think he knows this hurts you when he says this. I think he is just joking around and if you are so bothered about it maybe you should let him know. I think he is just having some fun with you. Please don't take it personal you are bothe happily married. Good luck!

Answer 2

It's obvious that he thinks that putting out on the first date wasn't exactly a class act, but this doesn't mean that he loves you any less. Yes, the fact that he personalized it with details means that he has put some thought into it, and even though he said it in a joking way, you know that there was some truth behind it. But there's nothing you can do about that now. It happened. Now, you need to tell him that his comment bothered you, and you might consider telling him that the fact that you DID put out bothers you, too. Tell him that you don't want him to think less of you because you did that. Maybe that will give you some "class points" in his books and he'll start to change his perception of you, even if that perception is subconscious.

Answer 3

Well, you could always have a talk with him and tell him that it was the FIRST time you did that and you really loved him from the first minute you layed your eyes on him and you should not regret anything in your past. Everything happens for a reason and i believe that there was a reason behind it. You are happy now, so why stress over such a small thing? It does not make you a bad person or a girl with low morals... everybody has different standards. Tell him that he has to be proud of you because you are not afraid to take risks!

Answer 4

Please listen to me. Some of the answers to your question are stupid and insensitive!

Anyway, The first problem I see with his comments are the double standard he has expressed. Let me explain, If he believes its wrong for you to sleep with a guy on the first date then, its wrong for him to sleep with a girl on a first date. The sex of the person dosen't make it right or wrong! Right is right, wrong is wrong!
Maybe its easier for a woman to to find a man to have sex with but if your husband is saying its wrong or you were easy for doing it, what does that say about him? That means he is a dog that would have sex with any woman that offered to have sex with him on the first date or maybe just any girl that he met at Applebees or McDonalds. His logic is ridiculous!

When he jokes about it, he is not only putting both of you down but he is being very offensive. It's kinda like him telling you that you look fat, then saying oh honey you know I'm just joking. Dude, just dont say it and you wont hurt her feelings...jerk!

The other important thing to remember is that maybe this was your destiny, like love at first sight, maybe you knew this guy was the one, you fell madly in love with him and knew you would end up together. Maybe that super strong, intense feeling you had that day in Applebees translated in you both giving your all to each other, maybe a bit quickly, but maybe thats what cemented you togeather like super glue and helped you both know even more that you are soul mates.

The most important thing you can do right now is explain some of your feelings and tell him "No more joking about things that put me down and make me feel like less than a sweet loving wife.

Please dont be silent, the pain and anger will build and will effect your marriage. Please tell him No negative insulting comments even if you are joking. If your husband has a button, that if pushed, he feels insulted, like thinning hair, small penis, or large beer gut or whatever, ask him how he would feel, if after sex, you told him his manhood was too small to satisfy you...then you said "Oh honey I'm just joking." Ha Ha Ha! He certainly will get the picture. GOOD LUCK! -Swequin

Answer 5

He married you, there's your proof that he is ok with you sleeping with him after the first date. Maybe you are the one who has feelings about this, you said earlier on your question you regret it, and although maybe this is not what you meant, you said it and it could be your subconscious feeling to you not respecting yourself, OR you thinking he's not respecting you.

Let it go, if he has never been mean to you about it, he shouldn't have a reason to start now.

Answer 6

Subconscious,conscious, with intension, misunderstanding what difference does it make.
I think he is ok with it (he's a guy) men are really very simple if he's been married to you for the past 7 years and has not said anything in anger or in public to humiliate you then he really is OK with it.
You on the other hand seem to have a lot of shame attached to it. I think you don't think much of yourself for what happened.
And that is too bad because you are all alone in that ugly depressing place.
So if it helps confess your sin to yourself write it down, do your penace then burn the note and let it blow in the wind never to haunt you again.
You are really a sweet person don't beat yourself up so much.
Good luck God speed

Answer 7

IF he has teased this way before, he probably thought it was a safe subject. If you laughed about it before, kind of your own private joke, then he probably thought it was not insensitive. If it bothers you, then tell him that maybe at one time it was kind of funny, but now it really bothers you that he keeps joking about it. Sometimes what sounds like a joke to him, in his head, comes out as something different and it's too late to take it back.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, as much as guys love to get sex on the first date they will never let you forget it if you do. It's the nature of the beast, sadly.

However, you're further ahead then most girls who have slept with guys on the first date. Most guys don't marry girls who do that (sorry to say). So obviously he thinks you're pretty special.

So I wouldn't take it as an insult but maybe come up with a snappy comment next time he mentions it like "ya but you married me anyway". I'm sure you could think of something better.

Answer 9

you're beating yourself up, meanwhile, he's just sharing a joke with you. You need to get over it in your own mind, and realize that you are not the only person in the world who slept with a guy after the first date. Besides, what does it matter? Look how it ended up!

Answer 10

I think you are the one who has the problem with it, not him. He married you didn't he? Get over it. BTW, who says it's wrong to sleep with someone on the first date? He slept with YOU on your first date - why is it okay for him to do it but not you. What's with that double standard. We've come a long way baby - you have some catchin' up to do.