A poem I wrote tell me what you think[im 13]?

Question

I cannot take it anymore these
thoughts make no sense if I told
you I dont think you would understand
Because no one understands all the pain
Im feeling inside everything you want me to be
is falling right in front of you I fear I may fall from
grace I fear that this will never end I pretend to be
ok but when Im alone no one hears me cry I need
you to know that Im not ok I need you to lisen but you
dont want to see the pain Im suffering,I can feel you
all around me your every where please help me through
this I need you so much right now you tell me it will all
be okay but your wrong it will never be okay Im getting
closer to edge Im about to break my heart is breaking
my arms are bleeding please come I need you
you told me the three speacil words

I have written better poems than this

Answer 1

That was the BEST poem i have read in a REALLY long time.
Sounds emo.
But emo is cool...but sad.
That was an awesome poem & your a great poet.
Your the only person i think can make it big as a poet.

Answer 2

I've written poems like this when I was your age. I found it great therapy at that time.

Your poem is good, it has a lot of potential. Some of the line breaks are a bit awkward and make it hard to read. Fixing some of these awkward breaks would help it flow better. Maybe also had some concrete details, some of the lines are pretty vague.

I'm not trying to be a smart *** here, but I think you should talk to someone. When I wrote poems like this, I was really depressed. Eleven years later I was finally diagnosed with clinical depression (it took me that long to decided to do something about it). I hope this helped.

Answer 3

1. Forget the idiots who make obscene remarks

A few years ago my daughter shut one of my fingers in the hinge side of the car door (!). Not unnaturally it didn't shut properly so she quickly opened it and slammed it shut again (yes!).

The point is that for a about 5 minutes no one could talk to me. I was in pain and quite unable to tell anyone what had happened.

When you are in trouble you CAN'T always say what you mean. Oh it isn't unnoticed, people know your hurt, but as you say, at the time, your thoughts make no sense.

Keep the poem and come back to it later. Try to cut it down to so it is only half the length (you won't manage it but the trying is worth it).

For example 'I cannot take it anymore' is the sort of line which is somewhere in every soap, domestic drama etc. ever written. So be careful about using it because it doesn't tell the reader anything (except that you hurt - we get that anyway). If you realy feel it's important keep it till later in the poem when people know what you are talking about.

The big problem with writing that sort of poem is that to be special it must be controlled and clinically accurate and of course when you need to write it you don;t feel controlled or accurate. . . .

but don't give up

Really!

Answer 4

I like this, it held my attention. It brought emotion to the surface and made me think. I have a friend, a single parent, she has now died at a young age and left behind 2 lovely children. When I read your poem I thought of them. When she died, after 3 years of fighting cancer, her kids went on a rebellion, understandably. They had been so good while she had treatment after treatment. They believed she would get better, she couldn't tell them she wasn't. They were so angry and felt so many different emotions. But the desperation they felt was the hardest thing to deal with. Hopefully they are almost there now. I tell you this for 2 reasons, 1. If you feel like the words in your poem, then you have to find someone to share those feelings with. Your can go to your favourite teacher at school, they will help you to find the way forward. 2. If this poem is not from you personal life then you must carry on writing because you have the ability to become a very good poet and writer.

Answer 5

You conveyed your feelings very well with the poem. At 13 that is a hard thing to do. You can feel all these strong emotions, but don't know what to do with them or how to put them into words. It would help if you used some punctuation. Periods between sentences are needed. It seems more like a pleading letter than a poem and if you are really hurting this much you should confront the person causing you pain, I feel. They may understand more than you think.

Answer 6

To tell the truth, this is hardly a poem. There is no rhyming, and pretty much no rhythm. However, I can syparthize with your feelings. I've been in places like those you are in now, from the sound of what you wrote, and I know it's hard. It's really, really hard. :-(

Best wishes and take care.

Answer 7

First of all, take a deep breath...now exhale. Secondly, everyone, yes, everyone understands the pain encountered by someone your age. Abuse, peer pressure, self-doubt, betrayal, you name it, we've all been there, to varying degrees. If you want to use poetry to help you vent your angst, no problem, it is a good way to do so.

About your poem, it's called a "rant", which means that you go on and on with run-on sentences saying how bad it is, or how bad you feel, or how unfair life is, etc. That's what 'rant' is, okay? Now, there are "good" rants, "bad" rants, and "so-so" rants...yours is somewhere between "so-so" and "bad"...why? because you have spelling errors, grammatical errors, etc. Also, you repeat yourself over and over again. If you want to write a good rant piece, you need to be focused, say what you have to say in a sharp, clear, concise way, and be careful about repeating yourself. If I were standing next to you and you were to rattle off verbally what you wrote above, I'd probably give you a slap across the face and say "snap out of it!". What you're written is typical of someone who is getting carried away and stirring themselves up to a frenzy...never a healthy thing to do. It is one thing to write a focused rant, it's quite another to let yourself get worked up to a foaming-at-the-mouth hysteria. You hurt, we get it. Breathe deeply, exhale slowly and know that the world is not fair, pain is part of life, and the things that cause you the most frustration, anger and pain are those things beyond your control...once you realize they're beyond your control, you should be able to tell yourself "get over it", because nothing, I repeat, NOTHING you do will change it...it's beyond your control, remember?

Take your poem, pick out the parts that you feel describe how you feel and try to create images that represent those feelings...you don't have to form complete sentences, just paint with images...try it.

...and just breathe

Answer 8

Wow, umm, this is a very unique poem, but it definitely sends a red flag up. Obviously something is going on in your head and perhaps you should look at some counseling or discussing your problems with parents. School councilors are great.... Good Luck

Answer 9

Not bad, considering you're only 13. I'd suggest you read some poetry. It will help your poetry and might also help you. Read some poetry books by William Stafford, or Sharon Olds. You can find them in the library.

Answer 10

Good expression of your feelings, but not good poetry, I'm afraid. Have you read much classic poetry? - It would help. Good examples are Wordsworth's "Daffodils" and Gray's "Elegy written in a Country Churchyard". Look them up on the web.