Am I wrong for accusing him of cheating if he did it once already?

Question

Like that saying" If you're accusing me of cheating', u must be doing it. Well, I'm not cheating on him. I never did him wrong or plan to hurt him in any way. I love him enough I stayed w/ him and married him after all that I found out and went through. I feel like this cuz he did it to me, & damn did it hurt me soooooooooo much! He says that he might as well cheat since I'm thinkin' & accusin' him of doin' it. I don't wanna get hurt again. I don't wanna go through that pain anymore. I'm tired & I wanna trust him, but how can I if he takes off everytime he decides to drink & goes to places he should be??? I love him, he's the father of my daughter and I just wanna trust him w/ everything'......in the Bible it says "do not put ur trust on man, put ur trust on God." The Lord knows my heart & knows I haven't done my husband wrong or plan to do so. He thinks I'm doing him wrong, but God knows I've been real. I accuse him cuz he did me wrong and I'm scared of being there again.

Answer 1

been there done that. he cheated, i often question his fidelity now, and he says the same things: you must be cheating, or i might as well do it since you already have me guilty. i dont know what to make out of all that. i know, girl, we want to trust in them again, but its hard to do that given the history and they dont get it. you need to tell him that if you are ever gonna trust him again, he has got to earn it and to start living a trustworthy life, or trust is never gonna happen. and then tell him that you will not live the rest of your life like that, that either he start to do what is necessary to regain your trust, or you have got to go. but ya know what, you have to mean what you say, cuz if you dont, he will quickly figure that out and continue to play you for the rest of your life. stand on your own two feet and start making your demands; normally i am not into wives being demanding of their husbands, but i make exceptions when there is cheating invovled. if the man dont like it, too freaking bad, he should have thought about that before he stuck his d*ck in someone else; cuz when he decided to do that, he lost all say in alot of aspects of your lives as a couple. the ball is in your court now, play it.

Answer 2

That is the problem with staying with a husband that cheated on you. You never gain the trust back. It is always an issue. You just can't help it. You can forgive him all you want but you NEVER forget. And instead of him trying to make you feel more secure he says he might as well cheat because you accuse him of it - that's his next excuse. You may love him but if he loved you back, he would have never cheated on you. You deserve a good, honest man - not a man that cheats and takes off when he wants to. I hope you re -evaluate your relationship. Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm a 38 yr old hubby of a 16 yr marriage and 2 kids...so I know what I'm talking about...Your husband's place is by your side..not out drinking and running around..it's time he act's his age and be home for you and his child.
Everyone makes mistakes and in Mattew your supposed to forgive a person's mistakes so you heavenly father can for give you..Plus I know he hurt you. I know and understand the way you feel. He need's to earn your trust and again...it won't come in a day...a week or a month or year...it takes time.. But the old saying you said, I have heared the same and found it to be true in about 90% of all case's
A real man will take care of his wife and child..not be running around like some young kid..

Answer 4

Hi there! Here's my story....I used to accuse my ex of cheating (because he did cheat on me). And after i found out about that first incident, I've always had doubts in my mind so I ended up accusing him. And he always gave the same answers your husband is giving you that if I'm accusing him then he might as well cheat since that is what I am thinking of him.

The real deal is that he was really cheating. I am not saying that your husband is cheating on you again. It's just that it's really hard to trust someone who cheated on you no matter how much you love him. And sad to say, but I believe that once he cheated on you, that just shows that he really CAN cheat on you.

Answer 5

If he's done it once then most likely he may do it again. Don't trust your heart with him..if he loved you enough in the first place to respect you as his wife and soul mate, he wouldn't of gone and cheated on you. I think that you accusing him of cheating isn't wrong, after all, he already did do it once. Why would it be different this time? I think the two of you should see a marriage counselor, just to lay out your problmes onto the table. It isn't healty for your daughter to witness negative behavior. I don't like the fact that your husband says that he might as well cheat since you're accusing him of it. He needs to respect you as his wife. He sounds like a low class person and you don't need to expose yourself, or your daughter for that matter, to someone who treats you so badly! My advice...divorce him..once a cheater, always a cheater. You're only allowing yourself to be emotionally abused.

Answer 6

Well, there is a saying that goes, once a cheat always a cheat. But that isn't always the case.
It sounds like he is not doing his part to put your mind at ease. If he is going out and drinking and partying when he knows how yo feel and why you feel that way that is the last thing he needs to be doing.
You need to sit him down and REALLY talk to him. Why did the 2 of you get back together? Was it him or you that initiated the getting back together?

MArriage counseling will probably help a lot. And individual counseling too!!

Good luck

Answer 7

I went through what you went through but it was my decision to stay with him and nobody talk me into it. I trust my husband now but with a certain limitation. We got separated before because of some individual differences and not infidelity. He had a one night stand with this girl during our separation but I still consider it as cheating on me because we were never divorce. It's gonna take time to heal the pain. He is trying to do everything right this time. And we had a heart to heart talk about it. I told him I took him back even after all and if in case he is not happy with me anymore to just tell me instead of sleeping around. It's painful enough of being cheated on and I sure don't want any sexually transmitted diease.

Answer 8

First you have to stop accusing him. You knew what you were getting into before you married him, yet you married him. You can't make him change because only God can do that. If you really want to be with your husband then pray for him. If he still cheats on you then divorce him. According to the bible it's acceptable to divorce if adultery has taken place. Accusing him is like whipping a rock over and over again. You can't change him, but God can.

Answer 9

Your insecurities are justified. He now needs to prove to you that he is trustworthy. For him to say he might as well cheat only proves that he did it once he will do it again.

You have every right to not trust him, you need to get counseling with him if you feel that this relationship is worth saving. Why stay with someone that you cant trust and only hurts you more.

After he hurt you the first time, and then to continue to hurt you by saying he will do it again only shows that he wont change.

Time to move on.

Answer 10

No your not wrong - Most of the time when women think that they are being cheated on; they usually are. That thought usually comes from fact; however since if he has cheated before; you have to ask yourself did you really forgive him in the first place b/c it sounds like you are still hurting from that experience. My advice; 1) make sure you forgave him for the past and make sure your "new" accusations are valid and not just stemming from the hurt of what he did before. 2) If you have completely forgiven him and let go of the past hurt and still feel like hes cheating; he most likely is playing you like he did before and what your feeling is the familiar signs of being the cheat victum..................3) The final and most important thing is; if he is cheating what are you going to do about it?