So my older brother (He's 17, I'm 15) always has his friends over. They are always grabbing my waist, hugging me, etc. (Nothing over the edge, because if it did go over the edge I would've done something about it) And it really bothers me. I don't like any of them, but I just feel like they are being mean (I'm gay, so another guy touching me is kind of unbearable, they do it so...sexually [if you know what I mean]) My brother lately has constantly been calling me a f** and I don't really care at all, since I'm better than that. I don't know if his friends are just teasing me, because I haven't openly told anyone that I was gay. I'm really not sure if my brother knows that I'm gay or if he's just being a jerk and has no idea I am. Oh-- and my brother never touches me at all, it's only his friends. Can anyone relate or understand how I'm feeling at all? Thanks.
2007-08-20 10:32:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Oh how ironic... I can hear them downstairs right now... they just must have got here. I'll also throw in here that I know it won't get worse, I'm fairly sure that they're just messing around. It bothers me because I want to so bad show some affection, but that would totally cross the line, so I would never do it.
2007-08-20 10:47:49 · update #1
are you SURE that they dont know? i agree with NH Baritone^ above. guys love to exploit a perceived "weakness" in other guys to inflate their own -power- over you. not intentionally, probably subconsciously.
everyone else here seems to be making this into bigger issue that it seems to be. i think you should tell your brother flat out. tell him it is difficult to have his friends touching you because it seems like they are doing it in a way that is intentionally working you up.
on the other hand his friends could just simply be naturally affectionate and trying to be friendly with you and you could work it up to more than it is in your head because the second they touch you, your hormones surge through the roof and make everything seem sexual.
at any rate... tell him and then your brother can explain to his friends the situation.
on the other hand if they have already guessed you are gay just MAYBE they are touching you like that to try and coax you out to make you comfortable... which seems really nice if they are in fact doing this. ask your brother and find out what the situation is before you decide what to tell them. would it be so bad if your brother's straight friends are all comfortable with you already?
i think you need more info so talk to your brother about it~
2007-08-20 11:38:57 · answer #1 · answered by ambientdiscord 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow... I can so relate to that! I'm 24 and my brother is 29 now. When I was your age I had the exact same problem. He was the biggest womanizer in the World and I wasn't - so he found it wierd and kept calling me gay and his friends would make fun of me as well. The thing is I always knew they were making fun of me - I didn't care about the touching as I knew it was just teasing. When I told my brother of my tendencies (I was 23 when I did so), he was shocked in a way but accepted it in the end.
So, give it some time and find a way to be above it. You're all kids - it's normal for them to tease and it's normal for you to be pissed off with it, even if you weren't gay. Older brothers always tease us - it's not about being gay or not. As for his friends, just push them away when they touch you. When I was growing up, I hated being touched by other guys. So, everytime a guy hold me, I'd push them away and say "I don't like being touched. Don't do it." - My face must've been pretty convincing because everyone would respect me when I said it!
Hope this helped!
2007-08-20 12:13:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you are giving them a signal that it bothers you, and they're doing it just to get under your skin. A lot of guys will do that, just to prove some power over another guy.
You have not said whether anyone else knows that you're gay. If there is someone that you know nearby (gay-straight alliance, etc) who can offer you support, seek them out. If you must work on this alone, then see if your brother will get them to leave you alone. If he won't, then you'll have to make yourself absent whenever his friends come over. School in the US is starting soon, so you can get involved in an after-school activity and probably avoid them most of the time.
You are perfectly within your rights not to have someone else touch you if you do not. Perhaps you can see a counselor for a couple of sessions to get some practice using words to help you escape from unwanted groping.
Good luck.
- {♂♂} - {♂♀} - {♀♀} -
2007-08-20 10:46:24 · answer #3 · answered by NHBaritone 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just guys being guys. Your brother probably has no clue or something would have been said already. Thing is, if you say something, the puzzle might start to fall into place for them and the name calling might get worse. I mean its totally understandable, str8 guys don't get what that kind of playing does to gay guys. They also don't think that there's anything wrong with it. Even grabbing and kissing. The guys I knew in high school used to play at that all the time. They never thought it was gay.
2007-08-20 10:42:23 · answer #4 · answered by realangst 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Totally dude. My brother always used to call me a ****** even before I knew I was gay. although he's much better now, or maybe just afraid, who knows. I'm also familiar with the whole straight guys feeling you up as a joke thing. I can't tell you how many times a straight friend has felt my *** or hugged me for like 20 seconds. Sometimes I feel like grabbing their crotch back or something just to freak em out. :)
Look on the bright side. Maybe one of them is actually gay and you'll get some action out of it?
2007-08-20 10:42:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You could tell your parents that it bothers you and ask them not to let your brother have his friends over. You could avoid them like the plague by staying in your room when they are around. OR you could snuggle up to one of them the next time they do that and make kissy noises at them. THAT would scare them off. Other than that, I'm not sure what to tell you because 17 year old boys do NOT listen when someone tells them that what they're doing is pissing you off.
2007-08-20 10:43:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
well what you need to do it tell them stright up, "stop grabing me!" you can put however much sware words you want into that. the point is that if they are touching you, and you really don't like it, you need to make it stop. Don't be afraid of if they are going to do anything to you, like hit you or anything else, because chances are they are just trying to tease you by turning you on. IF they do do anything to you that is harmful, i don't think you will have to worry about them being around anymore because i'm sure your parents will not take well to it. You have to take a stand, if its truley bothering you, then put an end to it, just tell them to knock it off, and if they don't go from there. chances are they will if you tell them how it bothers you. If it doesn't work standing up to them, them talk to your brother one on one, tell him about how uncomfortable you are with it, and he will make them stop. He's your brother after all, he loves you.
2007-08-20 10:43:23 · answer #7 · answered by Eddy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are trying to get a rise out of you (no sexual pun intended), and they probably sense that you may be gay - even if your brother never suggested that to him.
Sam is right though - you may wind up getting a roll in the hay out of it because probably one of them is a closet case ;)
2007-08-21 04:22:06 · answer #8 · answered by Clint 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whatever goes on dont tell ur mom if ur not out of the closet coz she'll tell ur dad and its gonna be a big deal...i had the same exact problem and when i told my mom she told dad and my dad had was so homophobic he even called me f.***** .....btw im bi and not out of the closet ....do u know what i did to them i just ignored them and whenever they r at some place i dont go to that place and never had anycontact with any of them that would be my advice to u
2007-08-20 11:05:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that you don't want to be hugged or touched at all. Or get away from them.
2007-08-20 10:40:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋