my bf of 6 months says i dont give him enough affection. Which i dont! Im not a huggy kissy touchy feely type of person at all. We fight about this every day, and he always tells me to change. I cant! its just the type of person i am. What can i do to help him understand this? Should i make him understand this? does he deserve someone who will give him the affection he needs?
2007-08-20 10:02:00 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I really do love him, Im just like my DAD. hes in a loving relationship, but he is totally not huggy kissy touch feely smoochie person. Just like me.
2007-08-20 10:06:53 · update #1
IT REALLY BOTHERS ME. i dont LIKE to give affection so much!! with all of my ex's!!!
2007-08-20 10:07:59 · update #2
i even explained all of this to him. And he still just wants "PRODUCTION"
2007-08-20 10:09:46 · update #3
Why dont you try a lil to please him by holding his hand or a lil kiss in public. You dont have to completely change. Plus, when people say love someone for who they are and dont try to change them I think this is stupid. If your partner requests something out of you there is nothing wrong with trying to meet him in the middle with doing a lil but not a lot. If he keeps asking tell him you've tried. It sounds like you're just a bit stubborn and you think he's trying to "change" you so you're being resistant. Give in a lil...it'll all work out
2007-08-20 10:06:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like any behavior , affectionate behavior is learned.
Your admission that " I'm just not affectionate" is a cop out.
This has less to do with basic personality and more to do with your basic unwillingness to try to change your behaivior toward him.
That would be his issue but he may not be able to verbalize it.
It seems this has become more of a control issue for you than a real affection issue. "You just don't give affection" is not a very effective method of maintaining a relationship. Keep this attitude up and your life will become a series of guys who you just don't feel good enough about to show some desire for.
What's up with that? How do you expect to ever have a deep relationship that way? Do you really know love?
We all know that you cannot change personality, BUT you can
change your behavior. If you do not want to, so be it. At that point just tell him he is not important enough to you for you to make an attempt and leave it at that. Then he will probably go find his affection elsewhere with your having to release him.
2007-08-20 10:12:05 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a book out called the "Five Languages of Love" (It's got a purple cover)
THis book is great b/c it really helps to figure out how you express love and how others want it.
If you really care about your bf you will try a little harder to give him what he needs, and hopefully he will do the same for you.
If you are not willing or don't want to change (not everything) just a little (it's called compromise) then maybe it's time to move on.
And yes, communicate with him. That is such an important part of any relationship. explain to him how you feel and hopefully he will understand and compromise a little with you as well. It's a whole game of meeting in the middle on these kinds of things.
Good lUck
2007-08-20 10:09:09 · answer #3 · answered by Lindsay G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It starts with accidents, then it'll get worse. Next time it won't be an accident or a reflex, he'll hurt you. He seems like the abusive type. When a man loves a woman, he adores her. No matter how embarrassing it is, he does everything for her. From flowers to kisses, he does everything. But that's only if her loves you. But if he doesn't treat you good, and only tells you he loves you when you say it means that he doesn't care. It all probably seems like a routine. There's someone better out there for you. Don't put yourself through this. You deserve better. Hope this helps!
2016-05-18 02:09:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, I am just like you. My family was never the touchy, feely kind, so I am not. My hubby, on the other hand is. He has learned to live with it and relishes the affection I give him. But I let him know in other ways how I feel.
Maybe you can explain that to your bf and he might understand. Granted, we are both older, so it may not work with him. But you can at least try. Good luck hon.
2007-08-20 10:07:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't really take this serous he is just a bf. Sad to say, but you might need to look for someone else - for it seems to be that he doesn't love you for who you are and if this problem can't change than you will have problems all the time.
here is my advice to you:
you already talked to him and it seems that he doesn't want to except it so the only thing you can do is try to be affectionate - look for something you don't like about him and something you know it would be real hard for him to change and challenge him to make a change (if you change I change sort of deal). This sometimes helps out a lot for you know you are not the only one giving something up and are both doing something to strengthen your re relationship.
if this doesn't work you guys need some time off (like that he will think about things more than usual)
2007-08-20 10:45:28 · answer #6 · answered by El Compadre 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he wants more of the touchy-feely stuff and you don't like that then you obviously aren't right for each other. You both need to find someone that is of a similar mind to you with that kind of stuff.
2007-08-20 10:06:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a time and place for everything. Do you show your affection "when it counts"? Do you do other things, thoughful things, to show you care? I find that subdued expressions of love show more maturity and can be more meaningful. People who are all over each other have something to prove to the public...what?
2007-08-20 10:12:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he really want a girl who would give out a lot affections and you're not one of them.. maybe you guys should be friends and be happy.. instead of fighting all the time.
2007-08-20 10:09:32 · answer #9 · answered by chrissy. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess its a difficult situation.
Yes he deserves someone who will show him the affection he desires.
If you want to make it work, u have to make an effort to do so.
On the other hand maybe he doesnt excite you enough to make u respond to him? It works both ways u know.
2007-08-20 10:08:13 · answer #10 · answered by saltnsaffron 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋