What do you think of this poem? I wrote it a while ago but still!?

Question

Sometimes…Love…My Love!

Sometimes love isn’t real,
Sometimes it’s just an emotion that you think you feel.
Sometimes love can hurt,
Sometimes it can make you feel filthy as dirt.
Sometimes it can make you feel like your life is over, suicidal even; maybe.
But sometimes your love is strong for your significant other; you baby.
But sometimes love can be meant for a mother, a brother, someone close to you, don’t gotta be family.

No one knows the real definition of love,
But mine is it’s an emotion that you feel for the people you care about.
But sometimes it can make you wanna pull out your hair; and be out.
Sometimes people are bound; to find that one for them…
And when I think about it sometimes;
I think I found him!
Sometimes…I think I found love…My love!


By: Minny

Answer 1

Your poem is "okay"...not real good, but okay. Here's some editing suggestions.

Once you say "sometimes", the rest is assumed to be sometimes until you say something else. Your poem's opening 5 lines could be reduced to the following:

Sometimes love isn’t real, just an emotion
you think you feel.
Sometimes love can hurt, make you feel filthy,
dirt, like your life is over, suicidal...maybe.

Then you commit the capital sin of poetry...you use a PC word where you need real feeling..."significant other"...what the heck is that? Say what you mean...if this person is a boyfriend or girlfriend, say so; if they're a lover, say so; if they're your spouse, say so; if they're your love, then say so...but significant other is bogus. Don't fall into the la-la-left crowd, say what you mean... don't let your words get watered down with SP PC BS :)
With this in mind, just cut it out and say,

But sometimes your love is strong; you baby.

the rest of your poem goes downhill with a grocery list of others you might love...don't do that, okay? you could have said all that by saying,

"Sometimes a love is strong; you baby
Or deeply connected like friends and family."

the bottom line, however, is your poem falls apart after the opening lines. This is common when you discover that you've wandered off into the weeds with the direction you were going and instead of going back and redirecting the poem, you simply bring it back to where you wanted it to go...losing the audience in the process. If this is a recurring problem, use this simple device: write your first line down, then write your ending line down at the bottom of the page. Then write your turn (where you want the poem to shift from its original direction into the direction you wanted to end) in the middle...then write all the lines in between. If there isn't a turn, then just write the first and last lines, then all the ones in between. If you see a line that takes you off the track, dump it. Stay focused...there are other poems you can write that will talk about other things, but concentrate on the one you're writing at the time.

If you think this is weird...consider that Edgar Allen Poe wrote The Raven backwards...he wrote the last stanza, then the second to last, then the third to last, etc. He said he did this because he knew where he wanted to end, but wasn't sure how he'd get there, so he worked it backwards. So try what I said...

...and keep writing

Answer 2

There must be talent to sit and put words together to make poetry. You have it,but sometimes when U write the words/lines as they come can do with some rearranging.

Answer 3

I think it is a very nice poem. Sounds like you have a real talent to write poetry.

Answer 4

What is the point to jack-hammering "Sometimes"? If you don't have one, then think about it or revise it.

If your answer to this question has something to do with a gimmick, then you've come to the wrong place.


Write well.

Answer 5

Rewrite it without all the "sometimes". They don't add anything. And try to have at least some kind of structure.

Answer 6

Nice poem. I too write poetry, keep it up it's a good talent.

Answer 7

I enjoyed it some parts were descriptive enough to feel it. T4

Answer 8

Gosh.. your like really talented.
That is like way better than like any poem or quote
you have to search for... you should like put it on the internet or somethin.. write more. (: your good.

Answer 9

it's good because it's real and comes from the heart.

Answer 10

It's great and direct