A song I wrote tell me what you think[im 13 its based on how the media tell us to live called terriable lie ]?

Question

Im feeling all alone in this
sick twisted place everything
has fallen apart we are all falling
into it.

Chrous
We're all falling into this terriable lie
We all believe the horriable lies
All we know is falling down


We don't live by our own rules
We do whatever they say
We can't be happy with
ourselfs unless we have
the right look

We need to break out this
Because if we don't we
will leave in depresstion

Chrous
We're all falling into this terriable lie
We all believe the horriable lies
All we know is falling

I cannot take anymore all the words
make no sense we need to end this
now

i hate chickflicks

Answer 1

Teenage angst at its finest

Answer 2

The title is good. Theme is good and it is based on facts. Can you make something like this:

We don't live by our own rules
We do whatever they say

We can't be happy with
ourselfs unless we have
the right ways(I changed here look in to ways)

And here at the last line check please:

We need to break out this
Because if we don't we
will leave in depresstion(do you want to say will live in depression)

Basically I can say you did a nice work. You are born talented writer as compare to your age. Just do some spelling correction and try to use sentences like, shine-wine, say-way
Or see this is you have written;
Im feeling all alone in this
sick twisted place everything
has fallen apart we are all falling
into it.

I will prefer to change like this:

Im feeling all alone in this
sick twisted place everything
has fallen apart we all are falling
into nothing.

Why I did this because of Everything-Nothing

Please do as you want. I just gave you some advise.

Nice work keep it up.

[e-mail]

Answer 3

the 1st ingredient GWB did suitable replaced into Beating the international warming rip-off artist Al the Bore Gore. 2d ingredient he did suitable, replaced into retaining us secure from extra attack for 7 years. 0.33 ingredient he did suitable, replaced into enable our intelligence agencys to interrogate terrorist they way they ought to be. Fourth ingredient he did suitable, replaced into Beat John Kerry, From there Bush grew to become a tax and spend maniac. I haven't any concept why the left have not erected a monument to him. in spite of the shown fact that this jerk we've got's making Bush appear like a susceptible hitter contained in the spending branch. Bush did particularly some no longer so sturdy issues yet he did an undesirable lot of sturdy. 31 of 32 quarters have been useful and robust. until eventually the final era whilst the Media and the left synthetic the so observed as issues we are having right this moment. this could instruct to be a masterminded coup on the rustic of the US.

Answer 4

This is a good poem. I would love to hear it sung, with music. You say it's a song, so that means you have put music to it, right?

Keep it up. In-between your ears and behind your eyes, you have the material to become a songwriter, so go for it.

And yes, the media will show everyone that we live in a most gloomy, dangerous world that is falling apart. However, all that gloom is heavily speckled with beauty, with goodness, with hope, with joy. Find those speckles and write also about them.

Answer 5

I love it....
U have a talent that will only grow... The fact u are 13 and writing songs that deal with something other than boys and love is fabulous...

Please go to http://www.myspace.com/ejology and listen to my song called 'histories' (it will play automatically)
It is also about how we have been systematically lied to since being in school....

Stay Creative & Continue writing - It can only get better....

One Luv
Lady EJ x

Answer 6

you're thirteen, you've written a depressing song (bet it has an emo tune) and you have called yourself 'heartbroken'. honey, you've just written a song which deplores everything you are. i would suggest that at the grand age of thirteen, you know little about heartbreak, and even less about how the world works. i would think that anything you do think you know about heart break has come from watching american 'chick flicks'. and that's not age-ist darling, i have merely chosen not to patronise you.

Answer 7

Psalms 23.

Answer 8

It is very good for your age. I can't really imagine this being accompanied by music. I think it is a cathartic poem, and it is good to get your feelings expressed.

Answer 9

The fact that its deep does not make it meaningful just harder to get at.
I frankly do not understand it and I have read it several times.
Maybe its too profound for me.

Answer 10

You are talented. Keep it up.

Kiddy,
Don't be so pessimistic. You and your generation will, Go willing, make the world better.

Answer 11

go outside and play
put away your sad thoughts for another day
when you are old you will miss when you could be gay
so go have fun whilst you may
and remember to smile big, OK?

That's my song for you.