My husband and I have been together almost eight years, married for almost three and we have a two year old son, we got together when we were very young, I was 15 and he was 18, hes the only man Ive ever been with in every way, I love him so much, he is really a good husband and father in that he has a good job and pays his share of the bills, but as far as emotionally he just always seems so cold, we work different shifts so we dont see eachother very much but when we do have time together he never will pay attention to me as far as just talking and doing things together in general, I guess I should say we have a pretty good sex life, but it seems like thats the only thing we actually do together that we both enjoy! I try to talk to him about how I feel but he just blows me off, says nothings wrong, Im crazy, etc. I am just wondering what I can say or do to help better our relationship, especially when Im the only one who thinks theres a problem, any thoughts?
2007-08-20 08:42:05 · 10 answers · asked by domsmom701 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Guys are not in tune to emotional things. He doesnt need hand holding and talking (most likely) to feel complete. He is swamped at work and is trying to provide. Emotional issues are far from his mind. When he says that "you are crazy", he means that he still loves you and doesn't feel any different. No the highschool, puppy love feelings arent there. He is hearing you say (not verbatim, mind you) that you dont think he loves you or cares, and he is responding the only way he knows how in order to relieve your anxieties.
Couple of things:
1) Set up DateNights! Give the kid to a babysitter or grandparents and have a date. Do something together, even if it is just a movie and dinner. Talk about anything but work. Talk about something the kid did that made you laugh or something you have noticed with him.
2) Sex is always good, but usually women want to hear I love you before sex and guys want to hear it afterwards. Look online for "intimacy buliding" games. There are plenty out there and some are card games and some are board games. Unless he is tired, he probably wont mind playing a sex game. Check the book stores for intimacy buliding books. I know of "52 Romantic Dates" and "101 Erotic Nights" or something like that.
Good luck and dont give up. If all else fails, go see a counselor. There is no shame in that.
2007-08-20 09:16:42 · answer #1 · answered by MrMyers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is comfortable this way you are not. You have to change it but carefully. You know, if trying to change you'll lose it... you'll regret. Stop complaining. Nobody likes to be critisized. Say everything nicely. You know, there is an old saying that the man is the head of the family and the woman is it's neck - the head rules everything but turns where the neck wants the head to turn. You have to be a little bit less straight. he doesn't see you as a friend - no problem, change it step by step. Men are often like that - too lazy to change anything. Sex, food... staisfied. He can talk to his friends. Do you have yours by the way? You should have some of your own life - that'll make him interested in you. In general - it's not really bad but not perfect, exceeds expectations.
2007-08-20 08:59:42 · answer #2 · answered by ania361 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex shouldn't be the reason to stay together even if that's the best of the relationship right now. You need more than sex right now. He's not being the friend that you need.
I'm sorry but since you two married so young, he might be feeling that he missed out on a lot. You might want to talk to him about this, or perhaps go see a marriage counsler. No one here is going to give you the right answer, you need to be open with him.
Good Luck my dear.
2007-08-20 08:53:03 · answer #3 · answered by Wanna-be-Dear-Abby 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know what, leave your "friend" out of it. This is really between you and your husband. So what if they knew each other before. You two are the ones that made a commentment to each other. I would tell him what you found again, and if he is serious about your marriage he should willingly agree not speak privately with her again. I would ask him to tell your friend this as well with all three of you in the same room. This will let her know you are not naive and she will not be so sneaky in taking your husband. It will also be a dose of reality for your husband. There is definatly something going on if they can not be forthcoming about their conversations with each other. Even if they have not be intimate, they are being sneaky. My grandmother told my mom, my mom told me, now I'm telling you. Woman are crafty and underhanded, do not be so trusting with them when it comes to your man. History is filled with husbands running off with wive's best friends. As a matter of fact, forget about the advise of leaving your friend out, tell her not to come around anymore.
2016-05-18 01:18:14 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that you are telling him that there is a problem rather than asking specifically for what you want. Instead of saying, "We don't spend enough time together," come up with an idea for something you'd like him to do with you, and then politely, encouragingly, optimistically ask him to join you. Additionally, you know what he likes. Take an interest, and join him in doing something he enjoys. Unfortunately, we men can sometimes misinterpret a woman voicing her concerns as "nagging". We do much better when asked straight out to do something specific.
2007-08-20 08:49:44 · answer #5 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love spending time with my wife. I love doing things for her and we DON'T have sex as often as I would like! BUT that doesn't keep me from wanting to be with her or do other things with her!
SO don't listen to the other answer.
As for suggestions, find something you like to do together! OR just so you can spend some time with him you could take up something he likes to do and go with him. Like fishing, bowling, car races, baseball or sporting events etc......
Also plan vacations and get aways together, get a babysitter to spend the night at your house and go to a local hotel. HE WILL GO because he will want the sex BUT you get the entire time with him after the sex is over!
GOOD LUCK
2007-08-20 08:56:40 · answer #6 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your husband that sex and seeing each other every once in a while is not satisfying you and that you desire more alone time with him. Try getting out of the house and doing some activity that you both enjoy.
2007-08-20 08:48:39 · answer #7 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No matter how good the sex is, eventually you want someone you can talk to. You're both still very young, and as harsh as it may seem, maybe you're just growing apart.
2007-08-20 08:46:59 · answer #8 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dunno about the previous answer (ronidl76's), but maybe you're just whining... I've noticed in the sucessful relationships I've seen, they usually are emotionally distant... Don't F up 2 other people's lives cause you can't make friends. Get the job done.
2007-08-20 08:49:14 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. Cool 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
go on vacation
2007-08-20 08:52:34 · answer #10 · answered by Irvin A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋