He won't let me wear makeup, have a TV, listen to music when the kids are with me, wear ANY jewelry besides my wedding ring, wear nail polish, go to movies...etc. The thing is, I know he loves me, but he honestly believes each of those things is sin-it's how he was raised. I made sure and asked him about each of those before we were married, and he said he didn't have a problem with ANY of them...we've been married almost 3 years now, and I've noticed that one after the other has gone out the door...WHY?! He actually said something the other day about taking out the internet:S If it wasn't for my kids, I'd leave...but I seriously believe divorce is worse for the kids then me dealing with this. Anybody else been in the same situation? Any advice?!!
2007-08-20 06:17:57 · 28 answers · asked by 2littleboys 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Actually, in biblical terms wearing makeup is sinful. Wearing jewelry is not, however. Watching television is a matter of choice, as to what you are watching. You are a grown woman and you need to stand up for yourself and for the children. No, you don't need to wear a mask (which is what makeup is), and you don't need to paint your nails blood red; but you do need to supervise what the kids watch on television and what they have access to on the internet. If your husband will not work with you, you may need to consider leaving. However, before you make that decision, you need to start acting like a woman, rather than like another one of his children. Understand that the kids will look to you, to help them in appealing to their father. With his firm stand, they will expect you to work interference--to soften the way for them. You can't afford to whine like a little girl. You've got to deal with the man you married. Otherwise, the children will have no one to speak on their behalf.
2007-08-20 06:42:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Honey - I can't believe that you think that a divorce is worse for the children than them seeing the way this man is treating you. You are a slave - he is beating you down and taking your life away. What right does he have to tell you what you can or can't do? That is not a marriage. If he didn't have a problem with these things before then why now??? Have you spoken to him? Now is the time to speak up. How much more will you let him control you? This is not a healthy situation for you or the children - I really think that you have to tell him that he must go to counseling with you or you are thinking of separating. I am just afraid that he may become even more abusive. Good luck and if he won't go for counseling - you should go alone.
2007-08-20 06:37:44 · answer #2 · answered by Babycat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is treating you like that, because YOUR LETTING HIM! How the hell could you let anybody change your personality.
Get your self respect, pride and dignity and threaten your husband that this will stop right now. He should not be able to get away with betraying you like this, because he told you he didn't have any problem with this nonsence, before you were married. Tell him if you knew he was going to treat you like this, you would have never married him.
This is a problem that can be solved. He has to do what you want too! Why are you letting him act like your father, not your husband? Why are you acting like a little girl? Your children are watching this and you are teaching them that this is the way men treat woman. That's how they'll treat their spouse someday.
You have the control of what you want in life. Your not in prison. Don't ask for anything, just TELL your husband that if he thinks he's going to take everything you want, just so he could get everything he wants, then you feel he's gone over the limit and he's begin way too selfish. Now you have decided that if he loves you and wants to stay married to you, then this will stop today. If he chooses to stay selfish then he will have to leave today, because selfish people should be alone.
2007-08-20 06:43:21 · answer #3 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce should be the final option. Have you talked with him about how you feel? If he won't listen to your side, then you both need to get counseling. He is the head of your household, or should be, but that does not mean that you are a slave or that your opinions, wants and needs are not relevant. Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. The things that are disappearing can't disappear unless you let them. If he is not willing to listen to you and won't go for counseling, then you have two choices: One - you can live with it and teach your children that you do not matter, that you do not have a voice. You will be showing your children that you are staying with him because of them and that will pile guilt on them. Or two - try a seperation first before divorce. Maybe he will open his eyes and recognize that you have rights within the marriage too.
2007-08-20 06:40:26 · answer #4 · answered by Maggie May 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, I am not in the same situation, nor would I ever allow myself to be. Stand up for yourself woman! Do you want your children to think this is normal behaviour and end up doing the same thing? You are a human being. You have rights and feelings. Just because he is your husband it doesn't give him the right to control you like that. Sometime, unfortunately, divorce IS the answer.
2007-08-20 06:26:09 · answer #5 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's time to get some counseling so you don't feel like you are to blame ending the relationship. This is not healthy for you or the children. What kind of messages is he sending to the kids. You don't want your kids to grow up in that atmosphere. He is mentally abusing you. You have rights too and deserve to be happy . The things you want to do are fine. They're normal, He's NOT!!
2007-08-20 06:56:15 · answer #6 · answered by analisha2201 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, staying for the sake of the kids is worse, you are in a controling relationship and you need to get out or seek help before it degenerates to the next level. Is he as much of a tyrant with the children? Your children deserve to see a happy normal relationship, not one skewed to one side, how do you think they will grow up? Do you want them to see and accept this is normal for the man to be a domineering jerk? By keeping them around this home environement you are allowing this to be "the normal life" for them. If your husband is not open to communication about his selfish ways then you must consider leaving him.
2007-08-20 06:27:34 · answer #7 · answered by Diamond Dogs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dang.....i have a cousin who lived like this with her huband for 13 years.he did the same and worse things to her.they have 3 kids and i dont know why she put up with it for so long,but she eventually gave up. he wouldnt let her talk to anyone while he wasnt home.he would take the home phone with him to work. she wasnt allowed to watch tv at all......she couldnt listen to the radio even if she wanted to.they had no wash machine,so she had to wash clothes by hand in the bathtub because he wouldnt even allow her to go out and do the laundry.she would line dry the clothes indoors.when groceries were needed ,he would drive her to the supermarket and she had a time limit in the store.damn that was awful.she was only allowed to walk to the kids school if her sister wasnt able to bring them home for her.she aslo wasnt allowed to wear any make up,polish or anything that she wanted to wear.he would choose her clothes for her,and let me tell you........it was the uglyest clothes ever.he would beat her on top of all this because his food wasnt at the right temp for him to eat.she eventually left him one day while he was at work.she had to leave thru a window because he would lock her in and take the key with him.while he did all this to her,he would dress really nice and have friends come over,but shed have to stay in a room until they left.she is doing ALOT better without him.she moved aout of state and continued her schooling and even has a job now.she has slowly but surely accomplished lots,although she still has fear that he will find her and hurt her for leaving him.dont let this be done to you.find your way out.never stay ina relationship for the kids.its not good nor safe for them.find a way out asap.im sure my cousins abuse atarted off with little thing and gradually increased with years.i can only warn you that if you dont leave or stop him now.........you will be very simailar to this cousin of mine.
2007-08-20 06:43:28 · answer #8 · answered by fishin for answer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be to sure that divorce is worse for you or the kids, I can't believe there is a good enough reason he can for his behavior, other than wanting you to be a prisoner in your own home. Get out now
2007-08-20 06:26:20 · answer #9 · answered by wild_orchid_tx36 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't expect to live the rest of your life like this, you need to leave him, my parents divorced when I was a child and as long as they know that you still love them they will be fine although it may take time to adjust. He will always be a part of your life though even if you leave him and it is important to remain friendly and occasionally spend time togeather with him when around the children like days out which makes it easier for them
2007-08-20 06:32:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋