How do I eliminate the anger in my life?

Question

I don't know where to start, but every day, I feel angry. I truly WANT to be happy so badly, but I don't know how. My entire life, I've lived in an environment where anger was a normal part of life. My parents were very bitter and unloving, so I don't know how to "love myself." I have been with my girlfriend for about one year, and I'm good to her, but sometimes, I act mean for no reason. I take things too seriously (i.e. myself, my looks, my work, school). I find it hard to see the lighter side of life, and I hate myself for it. Sometimes, I feel like I need to just run away and start over, but I've tried that before, and it did nothing for me. All in all, I'm just not a resilient person. How can I teach myself to become resilient to life's circumstances? There are so many other people on this earth that have it much worse than me, but I fail to recognize that. I just want happiness. Is that too much to ask? Advice?

Answer 1

A good therapist can help you out a lot. They can teach you tecnniques to lower stress and how to remain calm in stressful situations. It sounds like most of your problem psychological and brought on by your parents. A therapist can help you recognize the triggers that set you off.

Answer 2

You can't eliminate anger, it is a natural human emotion. What you can do is learn to put it in its proper place and not let it take over your life. Let the fire of anger burn just long enough to cleanse then put it out.

Obviously you are trying to make some positive changes in your life, but you can't find all the answers and make huge sweeping changes. You need to focus on one thing at a time, and then set small goals leading to the larger goal.

For instance, Problem--I don't like being angry
Break down to---I need to be nicer to my girlfriend
Large goal---being nice to girlfriend all the time
Small goal one--say one nice thing to her every day for a week.
small goal two--give her a back rub twice a week for a month.

See how it works?

Also may I suggest that you start a journal that you can use to exorcise some of those demons that your parents implanted. And there is a book that I use to guide my thinking, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. I think you might find it helpful.

Answer 3

I too grew up in unhappy circumstances and had the same feelings. But not anymore. I started looking outside of myself and opened my eyes to what else is going on in the world. I quit thinking about my misery and started helping others with theirs.
I also saw the movie"Conversations with God". I don't go to church so I am trying to preach to you, but I just felt such peace and understanding after watching it, then I read the book. I came to understand that love, forgiveness and acceptance of myself was the key to happiness, because now I live my life showing it to others.
Remember, happiness is not a thing that you can buy or put on, like changing into a new outfit. Instead, let happiness be your journey. Live life as fully as you can. Quit sweating the small stuff. be loving and kind. You will wake up one day and realize that you are happy. And finally, for me anyway, I am content. That is even more important, because when you find contentment, you will automatically find happiness.
let me know how it goes...

Answer 4

want to know what I did with all my childhood anger and fear ??????I never forgot the things that hurt me,ever.Being that I never forgot I make sure nothing from my past is repeated.When I feel my mothers ways trying to come to my surface,I put a smile on remember the person I wished she was and the person I wanted to be.Working on ones life is an every day struggle.Change for the better is a job that takes a lifetime,but every day I change a little more.I don't turn into any super woman,but when I over come a attitude or a mean thought that could easily come from my mouth,I am truly happy.I found that working on myself makes me happy.I don't always do well,but when ever you really try to change and really desire that change,some how the Creator steps in and recognizes the struggle and lends a hand.

Answer 5

First & foremeost, take a DEEP breath. :] You are being far too hard on yourself! Everybody seeks happiness & everybody deserves happiness, so this is not too much to ask. It's tough being around so much negativity & then trying to barracade that negativity from your own life. I'm sorry that your life growing up wasn't so grand, but not everyone has a picture-perfect childhood.

You need to realize that your emotions & how you treat people are all things that YOU ultimately control. YOU and only YOU choose how you react to things. Do not allow other people to define your life or happiness for you. This is most definitely difficult if you're more accustomed to the pessimistic outlook, but if happiness is truly what you seek, you've got to put forth a much stronger effort. Knowing that you are in control of your own life should be empowering & make you WANT to create one that meets your expectations. CHOOSE to wake up every morning realizing that the day holds a limitless amount of possibilities & opportunities. Everyday should be a little bit of a mystery....what interesting new people might you run into? what new hobby might you discover? what wonderful things will you do with or share with your gf today? Relax a little bit. When you choose to feel angry, it does nothing but burn inside of you & begin to hurt others around you as well. Anger's a natural emotion, but in moderation! Learn to channel it towards something else.....take up a relaxing hobby that you can do when you start feeling that way. Go for a run or exercise even...it's a great way to channel that emotion towards something productive. Sometimes you really do just need to "let it go"....ask yourself, "is this REALLY something worth getting so riled up over? is it just another minor difficulty that I needn't dwell over?" There are a lot of things in life that are out of your control, but remember that you DO control your reactions to them!

I can't just tell you to "love [yourself]" like it's just that simple. I understand that it's difficult for you to realize it on your own. Focus on all the amazing attributes you do embody & how much potential you have.....you've got a lot to offer the world.

Nothing in life that's worth having is easy. Much of what we'd love to attain takes a lot of sweat & tears.....it makes it THAT much more satisfying once we've accomplished something. Every bump in the road that you are able to maneuver past or take on is yet another achievement along the way to your ultimate prize, whatever it may be. If everything came so easy, I doubt we'd realize the value of anything. Start sporting a smile....there's so much power in a smile. You'll start FEELING happier & because a smile is so contagious, you'll notice that a lot of those around you will be smiling right back.

Stay strong, you can most definitely be happy & lose that anger. Trust your strength to get through it.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

Man, your situation sounds alot like my situation. Always getting angry at folks for no reason...just waking up and being in a bad mood. Or even hearing someones voice and it would trigger the worst in me even though that person never did anything wrong. The only bad thing about me was that I wasn't raised in that kind of environment. Do you talk to your girlfriend about the circumstances life throws at you? I figured out my problem was I wasn't talking enough about the things that bothered me. So what helps is just talking to a perfect stranger online. It seems absurd, I know. But if you can openly talk to someone who doesn't know you...someone who can't really judge you or if they do judge you it's someone you can just let go of without the real loss it helps. We, or I, hold back intimate things from the people whom I see everyday or who care about me for the fear that they know my vulnerabilities, but with a stranger, they can do me no harm. Hope this helps, but if it doesn't I hope you find some other way of coping with life's' challenges. It's not fun to be a grump or to be around them.

Answer 7

True happiness lies within a relationship with Jesus. I am not trying to go all spiritual on you, but it's the truth. I have experienced that in my own life. You have the power over your own life. You need to re-evaluate your life and realize the things that are making you so angry. Nothing can make you angry unless you allow it. You can have feelings of anger and that's OK, but it's how you act on them that is important. It also sounds like you have some hurts deep rooted in your life that you need healing from. This process will take time and patience. You need to learn how to "deal" with your issues and yourself. Maybe, you have ran too much from those things, but you need to stop running away. You need to take some time out and really focus on yourself and learn how to truly love yourself. You can't like or love anyone else until you like and love yourself. You need to learn to let things roll off your back. Think about the things that aren't such a big deal and just don't worry about them. Life is much to short to be wasted on making big deals of things that really don't matter. Really think first before you react. I hope this helps. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

I understand you perfectly. I am pretty much in the same position as you are. My father is maybe the world´s most stupid man and the reason to all this anger inside me and my whole family. I am still working on my anger but it is not easy because I still spend a lot of time with my family and i see this anger in my brothers which makes it very difficult for me to take things easy. But I have learnt from my boyfriend how to respect, love and take care of your loved ones though I still have along way to go. What do you mean by "run away and start all over"? Run away from past? Its not so easy to run away from past but maybe you should try to live for the moment and for the future. I hope you can find peace.

Answer 9

You cant really make yourself be happy. Its almost like a process. I used to be so angry all the time, I dont even know why. After a long time I just woke up one day and realized I didnt want to be angry anymore. It got me nowhere but in trouble. Once I tried to identify what made me so angry and I couldnt think of anything I realized that it obviously wasnt worth being angry over all the time. My doctor said I was depressed and I went on antidepressants for about 2 months and then didnt want to take them anymore, I realized I didnt need them to be happy. My moods were improving and I was looking at life in a whole new light. I wanted it to happen overnight but it never does. You have to take it one day at a time and dont be ashamed to ask for help, even if you dont think you need it. Talk to your doc or even a psycologist, talking helps. Just dont waste the best part of your life being angry. :-)

Answer 10

Many of us cannot forgive those who have trespassed against us.
Something below the level of our conscious awareness prevents us from relieving our residual anger by forgiving the other person and we then carry a grudge in our hearts for thirty years! This unresolved anger poisons our relationship with our friends and loved ones. It even spoils our relationship with ourselves! We make our own lives mean and miserable instead of happy and full. Very often the feeling is, "Why should I forgive them? What they did was WRONG!" But, is forgiveness for those who only do us right? Most people have a hard time forgiving others simply because they have a wrong understanding of what forgiveness is! When you forgive someone, it does not mean that you condone or are legitimizing their behavior toward you. To forgive them means that you refuse to carry painful and debilitating grudges around with you for the rest of your life! You are "refusing" to cling to the resentment of them having done you wrong. You are giving yourself some immediate relief from your OWN anger!