Why do women have babies and then hand them over to a caregiver??

Question

It doesn't make sense to plan and hope for a baby and then after your maternity leave, go right back to work and leave your child in someone else's care. If your lifestyle or expenses require that you work outside the home, why bring children into the world that YOU can't care for?

It makes sense to become a mother only if you are willing to be a full-time mother, b/c that's what kids need.

My point exactly - if you can't afford to live on 1 income then DON'T have children. They won't get the full time care they need.

I'm not talking about single mothers with unplanned pregnancies. I'm talking about moms how have babies KNOWING they will hand them over to someone else to take care of.

Answer 1

Before a couple decides to gets pregnant they should consider these things:

1. How can we give this baby the best care possible? Answer - let mother be with baby full time
2. How can we make #1 possible? Answer - Adjust our lifestyle and make some sacrifices so mom doesn't have to work.
3. What if after sacrifices made above we STILL need 2 incoems to pay our bills and debts off? Answer - EITHER DON'T HAVE A BABY or let mom stay home with baby and find a way to make income at home

Very few couples plan ahead and think of what's good for the child. And sadly, many women go back to work because they are pressured by their husbands or other women to do so. And saddest of all, a lot of couples just don't want to make sacrifices of their material possessions to make room for a baby.

They want to have their cake and eat it, too.

And to answer the other woman's question - YEAH how about women staying at home to be wives and mothers and men supporting them? It's worked for thousands of years and just because it's 2007 I see no reason to change a good thing. How uneduated can you be??

Answer 2

Wow! What a close-minded and judgemental person you are! I don't "look down" on women that choose to stay home with their children...so what gives you the right to act like you are "better" than those of us who go back to work???

I am pregnant with my first child and I plan on going back to work once my maternity leave is over. When my parent's had my brother and I, they were fortunate enough to have family members able and willing to look after us. However, both of our families live several hours away so this is not an option for us.

My husband and I have been married two years and both of us have worked very hard to be successful in our respective fields. We worked hard at our careers so we could afford a house and then a child.


My child will not be neglected in anyway just because I have chosen to go back to work. I think it is wonderful to be a stay at home parent...if that works for you. If I was able to work from home, I would love to stay with my child!

Just because some of us work because we cannot make ends meet on one income does not make us bad parents...and it also doesn't mean we "shouldn't have children" since we can't "afford it" according to you!

I am proud that I will be a working mother and providing a wonderful life for my child. I am also very proud that my child will not be needing any government assistance! So you see, we can afford a child!

EDIT-one more thing...I suppose since you can supposedly "afford" a child so much more than us working moms can, you should have no problem paying for your child's college tuition in the future without the use of financial aid correct?

Answer 3

My mind is just so boggled on how to even begin to process your "question" I'd think from your frame of mind and your reasoning that we were back in the time when women couldn't vote, work or do anything BUT raise children and stay home and tend to their husbands.

Love doesn't make sense all the time. To bring a child into this world and love and cherish them is a wonderful thing.

I think that any mother who would part with their children for hours a day to provide for them a better life is making a sacrifice and should be commended not ridiculed.

What happens if a woman and man have a baby intending that the mother stay home with the child and they have the funds to do so and it makes "sense" but then the father dies? Or mass unemployment hits the job sector where he works, and the only choice to support themselves is for BOTH parents to take less than ideal jobs until the market improves? Should the mother say tough and watch the kid starve? Or should she give the child up for adoption because she is no longer fit to raise him/her.

You logic is a bit shaky in my opinion but I guess to each his/her own.

Answer 4

I think that this question is far too general when the decision to work or take advantage of childcare is so personal.
If "lifestyle" or "expenses" were more choice than not, I'd agree. However, most Americans live paycheck to paycheck. Are you asking that most Americans just cease to procreate? Ours would be a short existence if we did.
Also, what about full time fathers? Children need fathers, too. Would you ask that both parents devote all time to their child/children?
There is no black and white here. Single mothers/fathers. Sudden financial hardships. Things change. Life happens.
Few people are independently wealthy, which would seem to be the ideal situation for your opinion.
In order to physically care for a child, you need money. In order to make money, you have to work. It seems the only solution here is that all mothers work from home, or marry rich.
If you're a mother or have a mother, you know how important it is to take care of and fulfill yourself before you can care for anyone else. This is one reason why mothers work. The main reason, however, is to provide a good life for their children.
Granted, there are workaholics, and those who are mentally unprepared for children, but how many people are out there who have grown into successful adults whose parents worked to care for them?
I wouldn't blame parents so generally as I would blame our economy and societal expectations.

Answer 5

I've learned a valuable lesson from my mother. When I was younger she was a single mother, b/c my father left her, and she had no choice but to work, A LOT, just to keep a roof over our heads and food in our stomach. Where I come from I've come to realize it's not always a good thing to rely on the man to bring home the money. Many things can happen (he can leave you, lose his job, etc.) and then if the woman isn't working you're pretty much screwed. You need to look at the whole picture before judging others.

Answer 6

That's your opinion and you shouldn't judge others. My husband has two children from a previous marriage and has to pay $1,000 a month in child support for them. Should I be deprived of a child because he's already paying so much for his first two? No. We can't afford to pay our bills without me working too. Consider yourself lucky to be able to be a stay-at-home mom. I'd love to do this, but unfortunately it isn't a luxury for everyone. At least I'm not having one baby after another and looking for government hand-outs. I'm supporting my baby by working.

Answer 7

I am Not! I am a stay at home mom now for my son who's 5, and I plan on staying home until my 2nd son is about 1. I am 19 weeks pregnant now.
My husband is a MD, so thankfully we can afford for me not to work. Some people can't stay at home and have to rely on others to watch their baby. I really don't think its fair to say they shouldn't have kids. Lots of great mothers and fathers do fine living from pay check to pay check. You don't have to be rich to provide for your children, they may not get everything they want. But as long as they are able to eat good, have a roof over their heads, and have lots of love I think thats fine. People who have 6 kids and are on welfare, well thats a different story.

Answer 8

Oh, is it ignorant, sanctimonious bullsh*t spewing day? Oh! Nobody told me.

Try living in Connecticut, SWEETHEART, where the average small, two-bedroom home is above $300,000. Try living in the state where the taxes, gasoline, insurances and groceries are the highest. I don't have a big screen TV. We have two used cars. We clip coupons. We don't take vacations. We cannot survive on one income. We got pregnant accidentally. Should we have aborted to justify ourselves to people like you?

Why am I even explaining myself to you? You are clearly too simpleminded for the information to process anyway.

Answer 9

So, in essence, only rich people should have children? Give me a break. Daycare isn't bad for children. They need the socialization, and so do mothers. I don't believe it's fair to stick a child in daycare from 7am-6pm Monday-Friday, but I do think a few days a week is good for mother and child. A woman's job is NOT just to raise children and take care of the home. I suppose you think we should home school our children, too? So they aren't being 'raised' by their teachers?
I've been home with my daughter for 19 months, and I think it's almost time for me to go back to the work force at least part time. She gets bored being with Mommy all the time, and a 2 hour playgroup once a week isn't enough. She wants to be with kids her age, and I'd like a bit of adult interaction, too. I love the time I've been lucky enough to spend with her, the milestones I've seen her reach, but I'm a person too, and my wants and needs are just as important as hers. An unhappy Mommy makes for unhappy children. I've had to sacrifice a lot (as has my fiancee) and I'd like to be able to get some things back that we had before she came along. She will benefit, too. More $ to go out, take her places, and buy her things. She has all that she could ask for in love, and I'd like to give her more all around.
The world we live in does not make staying home a feasible thing for most people. The cost of living is just TOO HIGH. The state I live in has nearly the highest energy costs in the country. Life is too expensive. I don't think it's anyone has a right to judge how another lives their life. They are their choices to make, not yours.

Answer 10

Give me a break. Not every family ever ever has the luxery of allowing one parent to stay home full time to care for their kids. That does not mean that they are not ready or fully capable of taking care of their kids. They love their kids just as much as those who can stay home and watch their children. You are being absolutely ridiculous and are living in a dream world. Some families chose to send their children to a childcare provider to allow for socialization and interaction with other children. I personally have a job that I have spent 10 years at and am doing quite well. My husband has a very stable job as well. I have the good medical insurance and my daughter spends her days with a very trusted caregiver. I love her as much as anyone who spends every day with their kids. I miss her every day and it makes my days that much better knowing I am providing great medical insurance, money for good schools later in life, etc and knowing that I will see her smiling face at the end of the day makes it all worth it. I would love to stay home with her but it does not make me less of a mother because I cannot afford to to that. By the way, I have no fancy cars, actually no car payments at all. We use only cell phones, no home phonce and live on a tight budget. I live in a small two bedroom home. I HAVE THE MEDICAL INSURANCE. I would not mind living off of one income and truly hope that I can do that someday.

Edit - My daughter gets plenty of attention. She goes to a pricate caregiver who watches my daughter and her three year old daughter only. I wouldn't send my daughter just anywhere.

Answer 11

Why are you so judgemental about someone else? Who are you to judge people for things you don't even know about. You and I should be so lucky that we are able to stay home with our children. There are so many reasons for why someone will not be able to stay with their kids 24/7. And to tell people not to have children because of this, that's horrible. Of course, they can care for them..... Your mother-like qualites towards other people sound horrible. Who knows what you think about other issues! Grow some sense!