30yr old son and wife with 2yr old son and 4yr old daughter are divorcing. Wife has temp.custody of children which has dashed any hopes my son had of attaining permanent custody..
Children are not in life threatening conditions but are exposed to the mother's dysfunctional,explosive and abusive behaviored family not to mention the possible fondling by an older cousin.
Neither parent is really a bad parent but I do question some of their parenting skills and decisions.
I am not trying to be the "take over" grandparent but I want these kids happy and safe.
Both parents smoke "weed" and inspite of some of the dirt presently brought up by both parents they have promised not to mention "weed"during divorce/custody ordeal.
I not only want these babies safe but I want them close so I can protect them and help them to grow up in a much healthier environment.
ANY and ALL legal advise will be GREATLY appreciated because even with my legal knowledge I am at a loss at how to go about this.
2007-08-20 05:04:58 · 6 answers · asked by Just Q 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I want to protect these babies but all the while I don't want to damage my relationship with my son.
I have contemplated telling both parents that they either sign the kids over to me or I will turn them into CPS but if I make this threat I have to be willing to do so but am reluctant to do so as CPS could take these kids completely away and we may never see them again and though it IS about the kids,I can take care of them myself and I couldn't bare to not see them again.
Besides hiring my own lawyer which I don't see me having the money for. . .what other options are there out there for me. . .other than CPS?
2007-08-20 05:09:58 · update #1
By the time granddaughter was 2 she had made 2 ER visits for poss. concussion,had been dog bit and had to take rabies shots and had a chipped elbow.
Grandson is just now 2 and has had one ER visit because of a fall causing a 4inch laceration to the back of his head and has been to the dentist to have a front tooth pulled because of an accident that could have been prevented that broke his tooth off in the gum.
Not life threatening conditons but maybe IF the parents weren't high they might have the presence of mind to think ahead of time to prevent these uncalled for accidents.
I raised all 3 of my children to adulthood with ONLY the usual cuts and scrapes.
I'm not rich but I know how to manage my money and I raised 3 kids before on my income and could do it again and alot easier today than yesterday as I don't have a worthless man in my life sucking me dry.
I don't need bashing or opinions,I need and want some legal help! ! ! ! ! ! !
2007-08-20 05:41:01 · update #2
My son's lawyer is aware of the "weed" issue and says they won't mention it unless they have to at which point both parents will be ordered to do a hair follicle test and both would fail.
Took granddaughter to therapist who told me that even if he could discover if the granddaughter had been fondled by cousin,his testimony at a court hearing could only be used as "hear say" which is pretty useless.
I'm not a lawyer but come from a family of law enforcement and have learned alot over the years and even at this point family is at a loss as to what to tell me.
Son has already reported the family of the suspected cousin but nothing has come of it yet.
As things are going it looks like the divorce/custody issue could be over in almost a month and I feel a great urgency about this as daughter in law could move MANY miles away and then my hands would really be tied.
2007-08-20 05:47:53 · update #3
DANIEL. . . . Please email me. I WILL keep it brief and I won't be nagging you.
2007-08-20 07:07:15 · update #4
You need to immediatley file for guardianship of the minor children. Contact a paralegal in your area if you cannot hire an attorney.
The standard for obtaining a guardianship is two fold: (1) It is in the best interests of the minor children and (2) It would be detirmental to place the children with their parents.
Dont's worry about all this "hearsay" and evidence advice from other writer's. No Judge will give parent's their children if they are using drugs... a drug test should be able to handle this problem. Guardianships can be granted on a cummulative basis. That is to say that there is sooooo many issues that the parents are failing in - the court can determine a guardianship would be best.
Based on what you have said you have good reason for filing for guardianship.
As for filing for custody and/or visitaiton of your grandchild by joining in the divorce... this is very, very difficult as the US supreme court has obliterated grandparental visitation rights. If you seek visitation rights you MUST have an attorney as the law in this area is complicated and against you. You can not do it yourself, however you can do the guardianship by yourself.
2007-08-20 06:50:47 · answer #1 · answered by Daniel 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i used to work for attorneys as a secretary/paralegal...
You don't really seem to have a case.. neither your son nor daughter in law are incarcerated... neither seem to be totally unfit, either.
If your son was in jail, you would have the legal right to file for visitation. If your son and his wife were BOTH terribly unfit, hospitalized or incarcerated, you might have a case.
Perhaps your son and his wife could make an agreement for joint custody, with a good, sound visitation schedule? Sometimes we have to set aside our differences for the children's sake.
At 2 and 4 years old, these kids will get through the divorce fairly well... younger children seem to be more resilient, and have only a vague notion of what is going on with their parents.
Your opinions about the daughter in law may not be the opinion of the general population or the court. You say she is explosive, has emotional issues and is rather dysfunctional. If so, there's hope she will make it her business to find ways to improve, or get some good, solid help.
And then you turn around and say "the children are not in threatening conditions"... you are contradicting yourself.
the "possible fondling by an older cousin" is hearsay, and this type of testimony will likely be dismissed. These sort of accusations are not generally tolerated by the court, without good solid evidence or witnesses.
Both parents smoke weed. Drug use is a good sign of emotional problems in the majority of users -- escape from reality of daily life is a way to self-medicate. Your son and daughter in law could consider growing UP and stop abusing marijuana. I don't care what anyone says, marijuana has detrimental side-effects for many, including lethargy, apathy, and a general "i don't give a crap" attitude about life.
It's not your responsibility to protect these children. They are not yours, and the matter is none of your business in general.
Being supportive of your son is one thing, but trying to take over his life is another. I'm sure he's not a mentally defective person, and has a brain. Let him live his own life and handle his own situations. Take care of your own.
This advice is based on my knowledge and past experiences working for the largest law firm in the midwest for many years.
Perhaps you could concentrate on your control issues... you ARE trying to "take over" for whatever reason, when it's not your place to do so.
take care.
2007-08-20 12:25:57 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
i am not an attorney, but i will tell you this, if you hire one, you'll be wasting your money. the only chance you have is reporting these parents to CPS. The social worker will ask you if you are capable of taking care of the children if the children are taken away. in the advent the children are taken away, you will need to file for guardianship immediately. take foster parenting classes now to establish your capability of taking care of children. But because the accusation is weed, nothing will be done except ordering the parents to rehab. and if they stand by each other and say none of them do drugs, you will look like an idiot in court. the judge will not order a drug test on them with no proof.
unless the children are not feed, being beaten on a daily basis, have no roof over their heads and no clothes, CPS won't do to much. as far as they see it, they have more serious cases.
i don't mean to be so negative, but i have been through the CPS system and have noted their standards for action. I have also been through the court system on my own and won my own case without an attorney, even with several attorney's telling me i would never be able to acomplish it on my own.
my ex mother in law also tried to gain custody of my sons without my knowledge or consent.
2007-08-20 12:22:34 · answer #3 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the children are not in danger then you have no grounds to stand on and frankly you said it yourself neither are "bad" parents. You made mistakes with your children he'll make them with his. Back off
If you call CPS you better have damn good grounds. If you threaten them what the hell makes you think the parent will even want you near the kids. There is a thing called grandparental visitation you keep ****** around you'll have to seek the lawyer you dont have the money for just to see "these babies"
Its fine that you raised your kids into adulthood but you yourself said you are a recovering alcoholic how would you have liked if someone tried to take your kids?
I'd also like to add the by the time my little brother was 4 he was to the ER countless number of times requireing stitchs in his forehead, above his eye, broken arm broken leg. My parents were not drunks nor were they into drugs. Guess you'd have tried to take him away too. I personally think since you believe your son wont get these kids you'll try to take them from her.
2007-08-20 12:08:35 · answer #4 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 5⤊ 2⤋
I think that you answered your own question when you stated that the children are not in life threating condition. Laws vary by state but are fairly consistant. In order for a non parent releative to gain custody of minor children, you must prove 1.) that both parents are unfit 2.) children would be in danger if left in custody of either birth parent 3.) that non-parent releative would provide better environment for minor children. You have to have documented proof, not just you think this way. The documentation must be from a uninterested third party (police, social worker, psycologist.) If this is the road that you choose then be prepared for the consequences.
DLD L.C.
2007-08-20 12:17:01 · answer #5 · answered by Older Guy 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If you don't have the money for a lawyer, what makes you think you have enough money to take care of these kids until their 18?
Call both parents and ask if you can plan one or two Saturday's a month to spend with the kids. I'm sure they would be willing.
2007-08-20 12:32:00 · answer #6 · answered by *New Mommy* 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋