Why am I like this?

Question

Ok I am a very shy and reserved person... but I just got a new job at a gym for the front desk and the girls that have been training me tell me I dont seem shy at all. I have an easier time talking to someone I dont know.. I guess to get a chance to not to be shy around them and talk, if you can understand what I am saying which is basically first impression. On the other hand, I have a friend that was my past colleget teacher and she has invited me over to her house and I was so shy and nervous!! Her hubby works at the same gym as me as a personal trainer. I look up to her and think she is a great person and have told her that I value her friendship, but I feel so shy and nervous around her. Its weird because usually its the other way around where you are more shy to ppl you dont know rather than people you already know. And in my case Im not really that shy to people I have never even seen before. Why is this?

Answer 1

It sounds like you are a bit insecure about how your friends perceive you.

A true friend is someone who knows all about you and likes you anyway. You're worried that your friends will find out what you are "really like" and drop you. If that's the case, then they never were your friends.

We need to get away from overuse of the semantic attache of "friend" and refer to more people as "acquaintances", because our relationships with them truly border more the casual interaction rather than familial closeness.

As for strangers, you know you may never see them again, and you're not trying to win or keep their affectations. Don't worry so much about what people think about you. What you think about you is what really matters, so if you're comfortable being who you are, be you, do what you do, and people who are like you will gravitate towards you.

Answer 2

I have that same problem some times. I find that it can be easier to talk to people I don't know rather than people I do. I guess it's because the people you don't know can't really judge you by what you say because of the fact that they don't know any thing about you. There have been times when I have felt like what I am saying is being judged by the people I do know and that influences what they say over what others say. It's odd I know, but some times you get better answers that way. Too may be the fact that she was once a college teacher you knew makes you feel a bit uneasy as well.

Answer 3

In this case you're using the term "shy" as a blanket definition for a broader phenomenon. Intimidation would be a more appropriate term for your feelings toward your past professor because you have a mentor/student relationship with her. She's someone whose opinion you value and respect, and whose approval (on some level) you seek. So, your feelings are perfectly normal under these circumstances. With others (lesser known people to you) there's no implied need to impress them, consequently you are more at ease around them. The reason you were ever confused at all is because you've mislabeled a reserved personality as shy. You may well have never been "shy" (to any discernible degree) in the first place. (We Sagittarians usually aren't though we tend to prefer smaller groups of people to crowded settings.)

Answer 4

seems like your afriad that your not going to meet your own standards!
almost like , this may not be your case but it's how i can explain it, when you first meet someone you have that mask on then when you start to delvelope more meaning to it you don't have that mask to hide under they will get to know you more deeply!

Here is what i would do if you haven't already! and then if you dont' want to do what i suggest then i will give you a link that may help you soul search and you can figure it out for yourself BTW i recommend that too!

1 - love yourself for who you are - no everyone will like you so make sure at the very least you like yourself!
2 - stop caring what others think! - some will think your great others will think you sux their opinion don't matter just help them with there problem and be a friend.
3 - build your confidnece with yoruself and your self esteem! it looks like it could use a touch up!
4 - if you stay where your comfortable you will not grow step out of your safty zone and do something you noramaly wouldn't do! that nearves is a good thing! Take educated risks!
5 - love yourself - it's do for repeating i fell you don't like yoruself as much as you could!

www.coping.org -- that's the site i was telling you about!

Answer 5

hi,i'm a saggitarius too,and i know exactly what you mean,i am so shy i never thought i'd still be here from being so silent!
This isn't anything to be worried about,it's all part of who you are and something you and others will have to get used to.The thing you can do is to practise talking to new people you meet (even people at the counters in shops is a great start!) and slowly but effectively you will find talking to people a lot more easier and even fun!
You will soon grow very confident towards your college teacher,as well as her husband,because you will be spending a lot of time with both of them!
good luck and hope i've helped! xxx :D

Answer 6

It could be because you feel more pressure when talking to people you don't know, I'm kind of like this too. With strangers you don't know them, don't feel you have to impress them, and don't have the pressure of wanting them to like you, so you're more relaxed and outgoing because you don't even think twice about it. However, I'm guessing that when youre around people you like and who you want to be friends with, you get nervous because you want them to like you, and you are worried about what they think about you and if you're good enough or not. That added stress can make you nervous and act shy and hesitant around people you know and want to be friends with. Maybe try some anxiety medication or talking to someone?

Answer 7

It IS quite out of the ordinary, at least from my experience. It could be a number of things, but maybe it's because you're not worried about your first impression on people, your confident on their first perceptions of you, but perhaps you get worried about what they might think of you as you become more close with them, like certain expectations or whatnot. Is there a true you that you're afraid to show? If so, if you just act like yourself from the start, it might work out better, or just realize that people might like who you truly are. First impressions can be just so they are more interested in getting to know you better.

Or perhaps it's because you care more about what your friends think of you and not so much what strangers think of you. That's why I sometimes can be more friendly with strangers; I don't care what they think of me because I probably won't see them again. But if it's people I know I'll be seeing around or meeting again, I tend to be shy. But perhaps you don't feel as pressured to act a certain way when you're around people you don't know? When you're with friends, maybe you feel like they want you to be who they imagine you to be, and then you're not as willing to be as free in how you act?

It is quite interesting, though. Do you want to change? I think it's likely a better feeling to be more open with your friends because I guess it can feel stiff if you're too quiet and they're the ones talking and stuff. Maybe talk to your friends about it, maybe inch your way a bit by bit to becoming less shy, maybe just acting like yourself most of the time and saying, not verbally but just by the way you act, that you're not afraid to be you all the time, could help. I'm sure your friends would love it if you opened up more to them, and that might even create a stronger bond between you guys.

Just some suggestions. Do what you think is right. Good luck; I hope things'll turn out well.

Answer 8

You seem to be able to relax and communicate when there are not a lot of emotional desires at stake. You have to take every situation like that. Everyone is on the same level as you and are just people no matter their age, their income or job level,.their talents, how much education they have, or how well they seem to get along with others. The teacher you like and feel uneasy around you have put her on kind of a pedistal in your mind and you think she is better than you and so you are anxious that she might think you are not good enough or something. She likes you for who you are or she wouldn't want you around. You need to relax and accept people as individuals and not what you think makes them smarter or better than you. You are self conscous around those people and are afraid of the impression you are making on them. We all want friends and to be accepted for ourselves. Forget yourself and relax and concentrate on getting to know people for who they really are.

Answer 9

You have the two mixed up sounds like to me. You must learn to relax. If people didn't like you and want you around, they wouldn't invite you over, or even talk to you. Don't be shy around your friends. Bust out, spread those wings and fly. Have a good time. You'll be glad you did.

Answer 10

I think its because you are really afraid that you will lose a friend by doing or saying something wrong. With strangers you feel as though you have nothing to lose so you might as well dive in head first. You should just be yourself....if people don't like you then thats their loss, not yours!!!