My mom and I have a strained relationship for years. I am not sure what her reasons are other than she seems to be comptetative or was when I was a teen. My reasons are that she has made bad choices in the men she has chosen, and picked controlling possessive types that always took priority when they were in the picture and had little to do with me. I suddenly spent extra time at my grandparents and my mom became distant and in a haze when she was around them. The bad thing is she married the last one and its sad but her personality completely changed. She rarely laughs or seems happy and when I visit there is tension in the air which is not fun and is uncomfortable for me. The question is, she writes to me and says how she wishes we could be closer. Should I be honest with why?
I am 29 and married but I miss my mom a lot. She looks like my mom but isn't.
2007-08-20 03:38:22 · 11 answers · asked by TennesseeGirl 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Yes be honest it's never too late to save a relationship. Your mom isn't going to be around forever, make the later years of both of your lives memorable, instead of wondering and 2nd guessing about things. Sit down and have a heart to heart and let her know how your feeling. It could be gone in the blink of an eye and you could be regreting the fact you never said anything at all.
2007-08-20 03:44:41 · answer #1 · answered by bm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you love your mother very much in spite of all her bad choices. In sounds like she loves you very much, too, and wants to have a better relationship with you. I don't think it would be wrong to let her know that you don't feel comfortable around her husband and that you have noticed that she has become withdrawn and appears to be tense and unhappy all the time. I would use "I" statements only. Let her know that you would like to spend more time with her and ask her if it would be possible to spend time with just her, without her husband. Perhaps you two can try some girls stuff only activities. Much like having a girls night out - only make it with your mom - have dinner and take a walk afterward or something along that line. The past cannot be changed. What you decide to do with the future, however, is totally up to you.
I imagine your mom knows how many mistakes she has made and has many regrets at this time.
Good luck.
2007-08-20 03:45:37 · answer #2 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother will always be your mother. You will always be her daughter. It sounds to me like your mom has low self esteem She probably did compete with you when you were a teen. For a lot of women, age is the enemy. If your mother made bad choices when choosing guys was involved, her motivation could have been to reinforce her sagging self image. "a bad choice is better than no choice". Women have to understand that it is totally unnecessary to have a male in their life to validate their social value. It sounds like she made another bad choice, just so she could show the world that she could still attract a male. There are many females who are in very similar situations. It sounds as if you do really love your mother. Just be honest with her.
Perfection is non exist ant. If you are well adjusted and in a satisfying marriage, you have apparently managed to make a negative a positive
Your mother needs to understand that you love her. If you have feelings of misgiving for your mom let them go. Your mom needs to feel loved. That has been her quest. Give the two of you an opportunity to reconnect; not only on an intellectual level. Give her a sincere hug. Thank her for your life. Include her in your activities if its convenient. If both of you want to be closer, it can be done.
2007-08-20 04:24:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sound like your mom has a low sense of self esteem. She feels she needs a man in her life but ends up choosing men who are not good for her and she doesn't have the strength to change her situation. When the men treat her badly, it strengthens her low sense of self esteem. It's like a negative cycle she's got herself into. When you were young, she would be involved in a relationship and throw herself into it in an attemmpt to feel happier and better about herself. That's why she became so distant to you. Then inevitably the relationship wasn't a great one so she seems unhappy now and there may be tension in the air because her new hubby may be resentful of her attention on you. I think you need to be honest with her but don't write her a letter. Try to share your feelings with her in person and away from her husband. Your Mom deserves to be happy but is stuck in a cycle of unhappiness. You obviously love your mom but it won't be easy to get her to see the truth about herself.
2007-08-20 03:55:34 · answer #4 · answered by aja5505 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seem like she is trying to protect you and in doing so has distanced herself from you. I think this gap will close if you explain to her what you have to us in your post.
She obviously thinks you haven't seen her relationships for what they are, or noticed that you have been removed from situations.
When you come clean, I think she'll open up a lot more to you and might even value the fact that she'll have a shoulder to cry on.
It really is up to you whether or not you want to take this on board and deal with all the positive, and no doubt, negative things that come along with it. best of luck.
2007-08-20 03:47:45 · answer #5 · answered by Smokeabella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should write her a letter and tell her the way you feel it's important to try to fix the relationship because you don't want to carry this same type of strained relationship to your children, I'm not saying you are like your mother, but some of the habits we learn can be carried on to our kids. besides you don't want to harbor feelings of resentment towards her for the rest of your life. it's unfortunate she was this type of mother but know that it wasn't your fault, maybe she had a bad childhood which caused her to act this way
2007-08-20 03:50:58 · answer #6 · answered by 1PRINCESS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe this new husband it just like your grandfather....people repeat bad choices over and over till they see the light. Getting along with your grandparents alienates her from you since she considers them abusive in some manner.
2007-08-20 03:48:38 · answer #7 · answered by Outside the box 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should ask your Mom if she needs your help!!!
I am stepping out on a limb here, but find out if she is being physically mistreated by her new husband.
Do it subtly and carefully, as to not scare her, or to raise suspicion to the new husband.
2007-08-20 03:45:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know how you feel and give specific examples that have occurred. The ball is in her court. Ask her if she would be willing to visit you and see what happens.
2007-08-20 03:49:31 · answer #9 · answered by curiositycat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her this ive never had a relationship with my dad but your right his girlfriends always took priority and has never had nothing to with he hes told me hates me but it hurts because of all the sh*t hes done but im used to it tell her how you feel im a teen i know how it is
2007-08-20 03:45:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋