I am a 40 year old male in a marriage for the "sake of children only". I have been married for five years now and I admit our is a terrible marriage due to the nasty feedback style, constant fault finding over trivial issues, and serious anger problem of my wife.
For financial and cultural reasons, I have to remain in this marriage. We have a child.
My question is:
How do you keep your OWN happiness in a marriage which is only for the sake of children ?
What are your specific strategies ?
Looking forward to your guidance.
Thanks.
2007-08-20 03:13:15 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you considered trying to work through the problems you have with your wife? If you and she could come to an understanding, the marriage would not be so miserable and you could at least find contentment.
Other than that, I am at a loss. I stayed in a marriage for nearly a decade for the sake of the children until I realized that the children were miserable, as well. They were well aware of the hatred between me and their father and they were tense and unhappy because of the constant arguing. I divorced him and have since happily remarried. The children and I are much happier and I believe my ex is now happy, as well. We do not have any contact, but his mother and I are still friends. She tells me he is living in another state now and has also remarried.
While I was married to my first husband, the only thing I could do to be remotely happy was cheat. I kept a completely seperate social life and dated as if I were single. I handled household concerns like a business. I took care of my duties and informed him of meal times and any changes that were being made. We had a live and let live policy for a while. I did not interfere in his life, he did not interfere in mine.
2007-08-20 03:24:47 · answer #1 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you can't keep your own happiness in this marriage. You are not happy! You are in the marriage for the wrong reason. Your child will know and the constant fighting will hurt the child more if you stay. You should leave if you don't love her. Never stay married because of children. You can still be a good father without living there.
2007-08-20 03:19:49 · answer #2 · answered by Meichelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you have children is not always a reason to stay in a marriage! The children can and will pick up on the unhappiness! As a divorced mother of 2, I can say that things are much better with my kids since the divorce. Kids are a lot smarter than we sometimes give them credit for.
Just remember if you are not happy, your child will not be happy either! Best of luck to you...
2007-08-20 03:30:21 · answer #3 · answered by ♥chicks♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I am not. I am married because I love the man I'm with.
To the second part of your question...
Honestly, if you're not in love, and you don't have a good comaradarie with the person you are with, you will probably never be able to get past all the petty problems that make life miserable.
If you're not in love with your wife, why did you marry her? I know you said for the kid, but wouldn't the kid be better off seeing the parents separate, but in loving homes each? Rather than having a volatile lifestyle that will bring the kid up having no self esteem and to continue on to have an unhealthy relationship him/herself, thinking that's just the way it is? I grew up a kid split between 2 households, and that was a far better way to grow up than to have my bickering parents under the same roof "for the sake of me".
Be happy. There's nothing else you can do to make life more fulfilling.
2007-08-20 03:24:34 · answer #4 · answered by good gollum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in such a marriage in the past and it lasted less than one year. In short, when you get a girl pregnant even though that is a serious matter it doesn't change any reality as to whether or not you are compatible to be meant to be together.
In my case it tore my entire life apart. My friends and especially even my family. My family wanted to have a relationship with my children but just like me they could not endure the ex-wife. She then taught the children to hate their own father and have the attitude of "what have you done for me lately". If you are in the USA the government already took most of your bargaining power as the father from you. Your children have no reason to answer to you as a parent trying to guide them through life.
I can only say to you that I know what you are going through and you and I can at least look back saying we tried as hard as we could to do the right thing
2007-08-20 03:23:41 · answer #5 · answered by larry d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are only hurting your children more by staying in a loveless marriage. You deserve to be happy too. Your children will understand one day if you choose to leave a marriage you don't want to be in. Your children can see and feel if you aren't happy. Do whats right for you and the rest of the family. Happiness has to come from within, and if the situation you are in doesn't allow for that; then maybe you need to rethink it. Good luck on your decisions.
2007-08-20 03:26:53 · answer #6 · answered by mysticfirelight2006 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably do not see the evidence of your wife and your unhappiness, bit i can promise your child can fell the tension. I understand it may be hard on your family, but i think you need to tell your wife these things and either go to some kind of counseling or go your separate ways. Your child will grow up thinking...this is love? this is how two people should be around each other? If you want to do something for the sake of your child get out of your loveless marriage.
2007-08-20 03:22:04 · answer #7 · answered by rachelrmf@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not stay in this marriage for the sake of children and don't use financial and cultural reasons as a cop out for why you need to stay in the marriage.
As a child from divorce I saw first hand what it did to my family and children can feel the conflict, animosity, and tension in the family. Many children will regard it as something they did too. Please start thinking about your child and how much stress you are putting on him/her by staying in a loveless and tension filled marriage.
2007-08-20 03:21:35 · answer #8 · answered by prettyblueeyes101010 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometimes in life you just have to realize when it's time for you to move on. does your spouse agree with you that you guys are in it only for the children?
it's not an end all affair though, divorce is tough to go through, especially when you have children. can you handle your children not being in your life each day as they are now?
if you really want to stay in it, try finding some happiness in meditation or take some classes you always wanted to. better yourself, open up your mind to different ideas. new ideas. and maybe you will find something that you would like to share with your spouse. bringing you guys closer together.
never try to find the answers in life, you won't find any. but always make sure you know your questions.
good luck to you and your wife and you children
2007-08-20 03:36:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't answer this for you, but I can tell you from the standpoint of a child from a divorced household, that I am SO happy my parents got divorced. I wasn't when I was younger, but in the long run, once I hit my 20s, I realized how miserable I would have been (and they would have been) had they stayed together. Now they're both so happy. Please don't stay in a marriage "for the kids' sakes" because it may make them happy right now, but in the long run, it won't. Their adult selves will want you happy.
2007-08-20 03:17:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋