privacy in a marriage?

Question

My hsuband and I have had privacy and trust issues. he began texting and chatting with other women and I began going thru his phone and stuff just to keep up and keep a tab on what he was doing.finally spoke about and said that he would stop the texting and I would stop the snooping. however, I have relasped on three occassions and have gone thru his phone.this past weekend was one of those relapses. he got a txt msg at 3am , I asked him who it was and he said he did not know. he was a bit drunk and did not check. Well, I checked his phone and it was form a girl saying she must be drunk. I called the number just to make sure it was a girl and the next morning I asked him about it. now , he feels I should work on my snooping issues but I feel he needs to do some work too.he says i should respect his privacy but what defines privacy in a marriage and how should i handle all this, my "snooping" and the fact that each time I look in his stuff I find something.

Answer 1

Stay on him. Drive him about doing this. If he was not doing something he shouldn't be, you would not be suspicious. Just keep right on!

Call these women, DON'T threaten them! No need to go to jail. Just let it be known you have their personal information. Try and find their parents names addresses etc...

Regardless of their age NO ONE want their parents to find out they are whoring around with a married man.

Answer 2

It sounds like he is using "his right to privacy" as a tool for doing something he shouldn't. Yes there are certain "rights to privacy" in a marriage, but communicating with people of the opposite sex and expecting that to be private, is one step away from cheating. My husband and I don't check each other's phones, but we also don't keep them private. Our passwords are known, and we don't guard our phones. We don't have eachother's email passwords, but we check email in the same office. I don't think your "snooping" is an issue. Let's dig a little deeper. Your husbands behavior must be alarming your intuition to suggest something isn't right. And if he isn't forthcoming about things, your only chance of finding out what's going on, is to "snoop". Show me a wife who claims she's never snooped, and I'll show you a liar. And the men do it too. In years past, my husband would read my journal, and then get mad at me for what I wrote. Bottom line, your husband should not be conversing with other women, without your knowledge and approval. One thing leads to another. Guaranteed!

Answer 3

Its simple. When a spouse destroys trust by having some sort of "thing" with another, they pretty much give up the right to privacy.

He destroyed your trust. He objects to your snooping because he has something to hide.

If he was truly sorry about contact with this other woman and was trying to regain your trust, he wouldn't mind you snooping. In fact, he should be thankful that you are snooping and not contacting a divorce lawyer.

My husband and I use the same email, because he doesn't like to bother retaining one of his own and uses it so rarely that he forgets his password. We use each others phones, know each others passwords to all accounts and have been known to go into each others purse/wallet to get something we need at the time when the other spouse it too busy to get it. No one complains about provacy. Why? Because neither of us is doing anything wrong.

He once had phone contact with a woman he cheated on me with before we were married. I found out about it and demanded he stop having contact with her. I checked up on him for months afterward and he never complained...not once!

Answer 4

Trust in a marriage is a must.If you going down his phone means he is not treating you properly.When you talk about these other women are they old friends,because he has not deleted them.I think he is trying to make you jealous,if so he is playing a dangerous game. I cant understand the bit where if you stop snooping he will stop texting,thats no way to talk to you how are you putting up with it.It sounds like he has no respect for you at all,otherwise he would have no need to text other women and you would not be hurting either.It's time you give a few home truths and put him in his place.Good luck.

Answer 5

When 2 people get married the concept and meaning of "privacy" changes. He is doing things he knows he shouldn't do anyway. I agree with some of the others, if you feel something is wrong; check into it. Why is it that when people get drunk and do stupid things they blame it on the alcohol? Keep going with your gut feelings, they usually turn out to be right anyway. I could say so much more on this subject, but I won't. I will just say that I too have a sneaky husband, and have to deal with the same thing........

Answer 6

Hello,
Snooping huh? In a marriage you are supposed to be as one. There are supposed to be no secrets between the two of you. If he was not lying, you would not feel the need to snoop. I think you both need to seek therapy and he needs to stop having outside contact with other women who are not his wife. I wish you the best of luck!!

Answer 7

you're able to be very careful who you vent to approximately marriage issues and what you're saying. I discovered that lesson some time past with not the main suitable outcomes. I now have a competent chum who does not 'take my element' or bash my husband. She listens and thinks and provides the 'different element' point of view or concepts on how i will cope with it or restoration it (we help one yet another with new child subject concerns to boot). i want sturdy, calm, logical suggestion while having a difficulty and he or she provides it. you're able to take super care of your better half's privateness. My husband is well-known with that I seek for suggestion from my chum and encourages it simply by fact it has helped over the years. frequently, others understand in basic terms what they see our marriage and he and that i like it this sort.

Answer 8

If he's cheating, then I think you have a right to snoop. He told you what you wanted to hear, but didn't keep his word. You didn't either, but it's difficult to trust someone when they've done something like him. Hire a private investigator. He didn't say anything about anyone else snooping, and you'll have hard evidence that he IS cheating.

Answer 9

I understand how you feels, I have the same problem, I cant trust my girl friend for once, getting very sensitive for every calls and sms she received and end of the day I m the one who suffers the most. We alwasy quarrel over this issues, its does help on the relationship, but now I learn to trust. Trust her because I love her, just give ourself another chance. We cant stop anyone from cheating, but we can make someone feels our love and love us more.

Answer 10

First of all...snooping issues aside, he is doing something that is very suspicious. I think you need to address the fact that he is texting and chatting with all of these girls. You just don't do this when you are married. I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear this, but girl, something is up with all that. I don't think that many married women would tolerate their husband doing this.