Well I don't disagree with him so I didn't get ben out of shape about it. Last week I got one of those Gazelles to aid in weight loss, Well when my brother and I were talking about it yesterday my husband was saying stuff like she never uses it, its still in the same place and such, Even though I get on it for about 2 miles every day. He just wanted to be mean I guess. Well the real question is what should I do. I already told him that he doesn't need to talk to me unless he has found something nice to say, And that was yesterday afternoon. Any input from other married ppl would help. Thank you.
2007-08-20 02:57:07 · 41 answers · asked by Brandy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like there is a lot of hostility there under the surface. This isn't about the weight loss...there is more going on.
Your husband is shaming you. That usually means he is deeply shamed himself. Shaming relationships are complex. You need to get some counseling.
2007-08-20 03:00:20 · answer #1 · answered by AngiesHusband 5 · 6⤊ 1⤋
I understand what you are saying. There could be a couple reasons why he is behaving this way. Maybe he thinks he himself should work out so he is displacing his anger towards you because you are actually being proactive and losing weight. He maybe honestly doesnt think you are doing enough. Or he just wants to piss you off so that you continue to loss weight to prove him wrong. But in any case if you feel hurt by his comments the key thing in marriage is "communication" sit down and talk to him about it. Tell him how the comments hurt you and ask him why he was saying such hurtful things. Dont let things go without talking about them. They are just going to be repressed and eventually will rear its ugly head when he annoys you one day. But i have to congratulate you on your motivation. its not easy trying to lose weight. so dont give up and keep ur head high. marriage is a wonderful thing.
2007-08-20 03:07:04 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to burst your bubble, and I know that everyones situation is different, but I had the same problem in my marriage. Sadly to say I am now divorced. My ex-husband started making snide comments about losing some weight and keeping the house a little cleaner ect...ect...ect... There were never many nice coments about how I looked or how good supper was, nothing but negativity from him.
When I tried to discuss the problem with him, he became outraged. This rocked on for some time and finally I started noticing other changes in his behavior. To make a long story short, he was cheating on me. I belive that he had such a guilty concious and he knew what he was doing was wrong, that he was doing everything in his power to make me feel like I was the one doing wrong in our relationship.
Just a word of advice to you, HE IS NOT PERFECT! Keep your guard up at all times and good luck!
2007-08-20 03:14:15 · answer #3 · answered by ♥chicks♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband did something similar and it was because he was insecure about his own weigh and was projecting that onto me. He even claimed that I had gained weigh when I had in fact lost weight. I finally got in his face (something I never do) after he claimed that I rigged the scale. When he realized how angry I was he backed off. I have ignored any of his comments concerning my weight ever since.
I'm not suggesting you get your husbands face about his comments but you should talk to him. Tell him what he said hurt you.
If he can stand to lose a few pounds as well maybe you could suggest your own 'Biggest Loser' competition. Pick a deadline, a month, 2 months, whatever. See who loses the most weight in that time and the winner gets an evening of pampering.
2007-08-20 03:32:22 · answer #4 · answered by theoriginalquestmaker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him make you miserable about this. You have the right attitude. Do it because you want to, not because he thinks you need to. Next time he has a smart mouthed comment, just tell him he is going to be so jeleous next summer when all the other men on the beach can't keep their eyes off you in your bikini, and not a single woman even turns her head to see his pot bellyed self. If he keeps on, ask him why it is so important to him. Is it appearance or health? Personally I think he needs an attitude adjustment and to come to reality. People's bodies change, and never for the better. If he can't accept and support you emotionally now with a couple extra pounds, why should you keep him until he's old, grey, wrinkled, and bald?
BTW- he may be upset about something else, but not necessarily. My BF's husband insists he'll leave her if she gets heavy, "because he won't be with a fat woman". He's an insane jerk, but he honestly feels that way and there are no other maritial issues he's upset about. They've had counseling and he refused to budge on his thinking. But still together, love each other, and she considers it a small sacrifice for him. She's dumb. Don't be like her.
2007-08-20 03:07:11 · answer #5 · answered by tushanna_m 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
An easy way to lose weight (if you are healthy) is to eat no more than 50 grams of carbohydrates a day. You can fill up on meats and low carb veggies like lettuce and tomatoes, but be sure to eat no beans, cereals, breads, or potatoes. You will need metamucil every day. My dad has been on this diet for forty years. He eats all the meat, eggs, cheese, and protein he wants, but he counts carbs and if he gains a pound he goes back to 50 grams a day right away. You will lose up to a pound a day, or more the first week if you are very overweight. Once you reach your desired weight, you can maintain it on 70-75 grams of carbs a day.
2007-08-20 03:13:19 · answer #6 · answered by Interested Reader 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know...men really piss me off! How rude! Yes, you may have put on a few pounds and you know, there are so many better ways to help you with losing some weight then make you feel worse about yourself. I am sure there are a few things you could tell him he needs to work on with himself as well. If you want to lose a few pounds, do it for you. Join a gym, eat lighter, walk with some friends..you can do it. I put on a couple extra myself after I hit 35, and it sucks but it is a part of life also. Don't let him make you feel bad, tell him if he wants some positive results then he needs to give you some positive comments. Good luck! :o)
2007-08-20 03:08:58 · answer #7 · answered by londa627 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of times we will gain weight in a relationship where the one spouse is always putting the other down. Our self esteem lowers and we gain weight. Try to look at your weight loss in terms of it just being for you and not him. then really look at this relationship and figure out when the insults started. Were they really just after you gained weight or before. Think hard on this and if you find that the insults have been there for awhile, get counseling. He may not even realize that he uses put downs to cover his own faults. I would take care of this problem now before it goes further on. It can get so bad that it ruins your life.
I was married to a man that insulted everything I did and I believe after awhile that I was all that. I realized after counseling that it wasnt me it was him. But much too late in life and after I had wasted tons of my self esteem and time on him.
The right way for a man to act after you have gained weight is to say to you " If you feel overweight then you do something about it but I love you for you not what you look like. "
Whatever it is in life that you need to stop, whether its eating, drugs, or any other habit, you do for you and no one else or you will never succeed.
I think your great for even writing about this. So good luck and have a great life!!!!!
You can you do whatever it takes to have a great life, believe that!!
2007-08-20 03:09:39 · answer #8 · answered by Lyssa B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is trying to keep you motivated. I played competitive sports, and was in the military for 4 years. Guys can be a little harsh at times in their motivation attempts, not realizing that you don't motivate a woman the same way you would another guy. If he is actually saying anything means he does care. If he didn't, he wouldn't bring it up at all. He just wants you to be the best you can be, so he is trying to motivate you. Not only does being in shape make you look better, you feel better, and it helps to promote your longevity, and it will also boost your sex life. Hang in there, I feel he means well, just let him know when he is pushing to far.
2007-08-20 03:04:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once my now X husband got to that point, it was just down hill from there. When I finally lost the weight all of the sudden I was disproportionate. I just realized nothing I did no matter how significant or great, I would always be a low in his mind. If your husband truly loved you, your weight wouldn't matter and he'd certainly never do or say anything to hurt you....regardless of how true it may or may not be. I'm sorry, but you don't intentionally hurt the ones you love...YOU JUST DON'T DO IT. When you love someone you'll do anything to keep them from feeling pain.
I realized it wasn't love but control he was trying to exude. Why? Because he was an abuser...more I learned about abuse the more I realized I was being verbally, emotionally, financially battered. That stuff stays with you forever.
2007-08-20 03:05:32 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
IMO most of what has been said here is accurate. I think he is being mean but that it is a cover for something else.
COunseling would be great because what he did in front of your brother was inappropriate. You admitted there was a problem that you wanted to work on so there is definetely something else going on-try to proble to see what it is and then try to support him no matter what he does.
You sound like a great person so dont let him kill your spirit or break your heart
2007-08-20 05:03:13 · answer #11 · answered by msijg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋