how do you cope with a wife that gets on your nerves?

Question

dont get me wrong i love her but she is very stubborn she never wants to understand anything because she knows everything and when things go wrong i have to clear up the mess it has reached the point where i think of divorce or seperation but immediately i think of my children because they are the ones who will suffer most and i love them too much to put them through that

Answer 1

Well done for considering your children, they need your presence as much as their mothers.

Usually when communications break down it is because the two people have lost sight of who they are individually and who they are together. They have forgotten how to talk to one another and share... everything, including blame for the situation they are in.

Try asking her to sit down and chat...not shout but talk. explain you are concerned as to how things are going in your relationship.
Avoid accusing words and sentences like:
"You always think you are right and you are so stubborn, you don't talk to me"
Instead try:
"We need to discuss why we both feel the need to be right, we both get defensive and stubborn and it means we build a wall, but we need to talk so as we can sort this out"

This way it spreads the responsibility upon both of you to deal with this and makes her less defensive. However, it does require self control ... refuse to be pulled into a slanging match...but stay firm and avoid the blame game. Eventually she will come around, may take a while, but she will.

Contact the Marriage Guidance Council and arrange counseling sessions. You will be surprised what you will learn about yourself! And you may just recall why you are together.

Above all, don't forget those beautiful children who the two of you made through loving each other.

Good Luck xxx

Answer 2

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Answer 3

The marriage vows don't mention anything about staying until someone else gets on your nerves, so I think you're best off trying to work it out with her. Counseling might help you guys resolve your issues. I think it's very difficult for you to have to live with her when she constantly wants to be right, but I also think that she might change her ways with time and effort. But BOTH of you would need to put in an effort. Of course, being human, you do things that annoy her as well.

I would approach her about it at a good time (preferably when you two are out of the house and around no kids) and tell her that you want a stronger marriage. Ask her to list the 3 things that annoy her the most about your personality and tell her that you'll do the same for hers. Then you can swap lists and try to find ways in which to annoy each other less. Yes, she might initially get offended by this, but if she knows that the options are your possibly leaving or divorcing her, she might be more willing to give it a shot. Then you two would need to agree on how to make it better. Don't settle on vague things like, "Don't be so judgmental" but be specific about things.

The most important thing is not to expect things to change overnight. Habits are hard to break...especially when they're part of your personality! Just have faith that she's trying as hard as you are.

Answer 4

I presume you knew how she was before you got married, and if you have also stayed togther so long that you are raising a family, then the question of divorce or separation does not arise.

Maybe you need to examine critically the issues or the areas that your wife feels compelled to deal with, aparently without any consultation. That is to say: -

If she went out and took credit to purchase a Refrigerator or any other household item,

1. Was it necessary?.
2. Has she told me in the past about the need for it? . And if so what was my response?
3. Where then did I fail?. i.e. am I taking my responsibilites as the head of the house seriously.?

Such questions need answers before laying any blame. In many instances a wife will act for the family if the head is not taking his responsibility seriously. Also, how come you are noticing now?. Or the issues you are raising have been there but now circumstances have changed. This can happen in certain situations like when constant flow of finances in the family suddenly declines but the wife continues to spend as before.

I suggest you make proper consultation with your inner self and once you draw your conclusion, you sit down with your wife and talk over the issues with a view of reonciliation.

Answer 5

Get couples counseling before you throw in the towel. It will open the lines of communication, and allow each of you to really see how the other is thinking and feeling. For example, if she is being stubborn, it could be because she is misinterpreting some action on your part, which makes her defensive and determined to have things her way. If that is the case, counseling will help her to see where you are coming from, and make her less defensive/stubborn. That is just an example. Obviously, I have no way of knowing if that is the case, but I do no that every human action is a result of the way things are interpreted (or misinterpreted) in the mind. Try counseling. Good luck.

Answer 6

She is disrespecting you, because you're letting her. Do not let anyone disrespect you. If she loves you, that's when you will find out how much, or maybe not at all.

You have to let her know that she is getting on your nerves and that you will have to put a stop to it. If she wants a great life and a great life for her children, then you have to confront her and threaten that you do not like how she is treating you and you will not put up with it anymore. If she's going to continue to act immature and get on your nerves and continue causing trouble in your marriage, then you will have to take the reigns.

Woman love men that have strength, control and intelligence. They don't like a man that could be treated like a whimp. Get your self respect, dignity and pride back and if she doesn't respect that, then tell her you will have to separate, because she's not making you happy and you don't want your children to be raised watching this nonsense. Get going.

Answer 7

The way you put your question is pretty disheartening. She gets on your nerves. I am assuming that you have already told her exactly that as you are telling the world on a Yahoo public forum.

People's level of self control is different. If you can afford it, I suggest that you explain to her that you need a break. She might be at the point where she wants to move out too.
Perhaps you could keep the kids if you are truly worried about their well being and the bad example your wife is setting.

Answer 8

Was that your house where the sign read that the guy had encyclopedias for sale, they were no longer needed because the wife knew everything? lol

Anyway, don't you realize that all wives think that they know everything. You can get divorced, but the next one will feel the same. Just love her for what she is. If that is the biggest problem that you ever have with her, you are a very fortunate man.

Answer 9

Are you sure this is all your wife? What is she doing that you have to go and clear up??? She is a grown woman and if she makes a mistake then I am sure she can deal with it. You sound like you believe you are always right and that you must clean up her messes in order to stay in control. You sounded like you were talking bout one of your children. My husband and I have issues where we may not agree...so we agree to disagree...we also listen to why the other person feels that way. If you wife feels like you are always telling her she is wrong then she will never listen to your side of things...she will fight to prove her case...maybe you both need to sit and learn how to talk and compromise again.

Answer 10

my dear it's an universal issue..... i too felt it.... itz easy to tackle it.... take her out (without the kids) in the evening buy her some nice lingere, treat her in a nice reatuarant. Come back, light some sented candles in ur bedroom, tell her to put the new things on and have a wild night. Repeat this every week (u don't need 2 buy her a new pair every time) for a month or so.... she will be purring like a cat.. believe me...