I asked this question yesterday, but only couple got a couple of responses. Thought I'd try again.
I talked to an a woman friend of mine a couple of days ago. She just got married about 2 months ago to a guy 30 years older then her (she's in her mid '20's). She told me she just found out her husband signed them up for a swingers club unbenownst to her. She discovered it somehow. She's not into this and to the best of my knowledge, they didn't talk about this before marriage. Apparently, he wants a 3-some with another woman. She is totally flustered. He tried to apologize, but you have to wonder.
What advice should I offer her? I want to see her happy and feeling good about herself and her marriage. I don't want to get into the middle of anything, but I think she needs someone to offer solid advice and consolation before this really escalates.
2007-08-20 00:01:52 · 10 answers · asked by Tiger 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well she is an adult and not your responsibility but it's nice you are looking out for her. All you can do is be there for her and remind her she doesn't have to do anything she is uncomfortable with. Sounds like she may not have known him as well as she needed before marrying though. He sounds like a twisted creep. I wouldn't stand for it but that's just me.
2007-08-20 00:09:06 · answer #1 · answered by flip 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she's willing to work on the relationship, I think she would need to first settle the trust issue. How can you trust a man who would sign you up for a swingers club without even discussing it first?
Second, I've proposed many times that anytime that a threesome is requested, there are ways around it that offer the man the same amount of excitement. Your friend should take things slowly because if she just gives him a threesome so soon in their marriage, then he's only going to want to up the sexual ante more and more...and then where will that leave her? Soon threesomes won't be exciting anymore and he might suggest moving another woman into the home.
I would suggest they start off slowly--watching porn with girl-on-girl action if she's okay with that. One step higher would be for them to go to a strip club together so that he has the thrill of another girl dancing up on him but he can't touch her. Yet one step higher would be for them to have a girl sit in on one of their "love sessions", sitting in a corner totally out of reach but masturbating while the married couple go at it.
Wish her the best of luck from me...I hope it all works out!
2007-08-20 07:58:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if she was my friend, id tell her..
To never do anything she doesnt feel comfortable doing.. that in her marriage vows that they both took, it said "to forsake all others" , didnt say Forsake all others except when ur husband wants to have a 3 some.. , I'd tell her not to have any children with this man until she see's where this marriage is heading , for him to do something like this so soon after the wedding is horrible.. and i can imagine, all her dreams have just been crushed with the thought that already her man is having plans on having sex with another woman.. and using the 3 some as an excuse to do it.. ( well its for both of us) b.s. its for him, and his own selfishness.. id tell her to really ask herself if this is what she wants .. because he will not get any better, if anything it will only get worse.. and if she doesnt want to put up with this kind of behavior its best she gets out of it now, rather then sticking around hoping he will change, and find herself in a bad marriage and kids to take care of.. so she needs to choose if this is the kinda life she wants.. or not..
2007-08-20 08:22:36 · answer #3 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She can say no to the threesome, sure! And she can say no to the swingers club...but, she also needs to let him know that if he attends the swinger's club...or if he has a 3some w/ someone else or other ladies, she will be done w/ this marraige. He probably thought because she was young she would be niave and hop right on into this crap =(... He may have apologized, but, I am thinking he will do all of this without her anyway. Good Luck to her! this will end in divorce...certainly...she ought not put up w/ this mans crap
2007-08-20 07:14:04 · answer #4 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe it is not a very good thing to interrupt between husband and wife's personal life.
All she has to do is to talk to her husband and tell him that she cannot tolerate such things in her marriage. To be 20 year old does not mean that she can do the things against her morality.
If he wants this marriage to go on he will listen to her. But if he does not she does not have to be with him anymore since she cannot lift their relationship only by herself.
2007-08-20 07:15:58 · answer #5 · answered by Ardelia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just becuase he signed them up for a swingers club, does not imply she has to attend. If he is talking about sex with another women already, you need to tell her to consider divorce, as this guy obviously has no concept of marriage or fidelity
2007-08-20 07:09:30 · answer #6 · answered by djfunkygrrl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They need to talk about it. They are married and need to learn to communicate and obvious there's already a prob. in that area. Just because he's wanting into this lifestyle doesn't mean he doesn't love her, that's his thing or issue. Why'd they get married if they hadn't discussed things like this.She's got to grow up and talk to him about how she feels. If They don't talk, it will kill their relationship.
2007-08-20 07:13:12 · answer #7 · answered by costdew 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She should not have to participate in anything like that. Tell her that if he loved her, he would not ask her to have another woman in his bed. That is just plain cheating. He is just selfish!!!
2007-08-20 07:11:56 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She will just have to stick to her morals and refuse to go.
2007-08-20 07:21:28 · answer #9 · answered by Lou 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She tells him she won't go and if he does she'll leave him.
2007-08-20 07:07:50 · answer #10 · answered by duanehofner 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋