I have had a friend for 3 years now. She is a bit of an alcoholic & has depression. She is also para-suicidal. She has attempted many "suicides" but really they were all just attention seeking scenarios. She somehow always involves me (just me) in these little dramatic episodes & sometimes almost to the point of trying to shift blame ("you have your life so figured out, & I don't")! recently, after another failed (pathetic) attempt, she ran away from home(she is 24). basicly for 2 days, we all thought she was dead...now she is acting like everything is normal. She emailed me wanting to play tennis & made a brief mention about her new plans to go to alcohol councelling. Please don't mistake this as an attempt to get better as she often goes to "councelling" but takes her anti-depressants and drinks anyway!!! I guess my question now is, after 3 years of being supportive & once even risking my life to save hers...should I risk her harming herself and tell her what I really think??
2007-08-19 22:33:35 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It's attention seeking, forget her blatantly, everyone did that with me and it was the best medicine.
2007-08-19 22:41:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Kind of depends on what your really think to tell her. If it's intuitive, maybe so. The intuition doesn't judge as it recognizes situations and sees answers. Guys don't tend to be people persons to see a women, the four or five levels in that many are. Men also don't understand emotions. There is so much information on the web that, while helping her, you can help yourself a greater amount. Everything can be said in a constructive or destructive manner, Accusing and the blame games for instance, aren't useful. Switching to more accurate descriptive loving words accesses your quantum computer and gives you insights into people, situations and the inner strength to say no. I don't think you can help her much, a shoulder or an arm here and there and that's it, until you learn to be much more intuitive than her and can actually help. It requires study and good effort, but is well within your range and you start getting good results right away. That's how you know you're on the right track. I have free sites listed in my profile and my answers are open. Usually you can flip a mind, yours too, with the new tech from every field. If not her, you will be the man, anyway, and find, not most women, but some of the best hidden gems out there. They are hidden from the brutes, they're too smart for that. You can be too. A good rule is that if someone has something to help the world, and they don't, they charge for it, they don't have it. The more they charge, the less they have. The best things on the net are free. The treasures of life are given as a gift by the rule "You freely received, freely give." And where else has any people been more freely given or with less appreciation? Some people you can't be shocked with brutality, You can shock to the heart with a mild word. The right attitude with the right word reaches deeper and gets to the core of the matter.
2007-08-20 06:08:43 · answer #2 · answered by hb12 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how it feels to be this exasperated but you dont need to be so polarised in your responses to this person. You do need to set some boundaries for your own sanity and protection but this can be done firmly but with kindness.
Try and set a detailed set of "rules" of how your relationship will be based. These rules must be negotiated carefully and openly though. For instance, it is not your position to say that unless your "friend" goes for counselling you will not associate with her. You CAN, you can do what you like, but in my experience the negotiation of alcohol in relationships must be a little bit more sophisticated than this. If not the first setback causes disproportionate difficulty.
At the end of the day don,t judge this person and tell her what YOU think about HER , just let her know where your boundaries are and let her live her life as she will.
2007-08-20 09:53:27 · answer #3 · answered by bletherskyte 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honest. She sounds more like an attention seeker than a suicidally depressed person. If she was really suicidal she would have either managed it or been sectioned for mental instability by now. Tell her what you think and move on with your life. If she does kill herself then it is her failing in life not yours. And being honest may wake her up to how she is treating those around her.
2007-08-20 05:44:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her what you think as i think after 3 years of supporting her and she is still playing with your emotions, you have supported her enough!
She is very lucky to have a friend like you, not many would last that long, so good for you! You should NOT be dragged down by her antics any longer and risk your life tooo.
Maybe have a word with her family and ask them to get her professional help to sort herself out, you cannot do more.
2007-08-20 06:35:23 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Sali90♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it sounds like she needs professional help!
It's great that you are there to support her, but unfortunatley, this situation is beyond your limitations. It wouldn't be fair to her or yourself to continue with the way things have been going, so you should challenge her behaviour (in a supportive and constructive way) and try to help her to realise that she needs to seek help. To do this, you should listen to her but challenge any contradictions, for example, you've said many times before that your going to go to counselling, yet you haven't made an appointment'. The idea is to help her realise that she needs help and that she has to do it for herself, nobody can make her do it, but she will need support. There are lots of organisations out there that can help. Good luck!
2007-08-20 06:15:14 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is an element of control coming from her to you and you are allowing this to happen. She is in a pathetic place but if she is having professional help lets hope they eventually reach the part you cannot. You have your own life and need to avoid continually being sucked into the vortex. Do it firmly but kindly.....if you blow up then it gives her the perfect excuse to go off on one and off load the guilt for the consequences on you. So quielty but firmly....extract yourself.....be less available.
2007-08-20 06:39:11 · answer #7 · answered by eagledreams 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should be brutally honest now because the situation has gone on for a long time.It is OK to be brutally honest in those circumstances,because you are only doing it as a last resort,so don't dwell on it afterwards.OK?
2007-08-20 06:28:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid that honesty is the best policy in this case, but try not to be too brutal. If you say that you can't cope (anyway you see fit) then it's not blaming her. Once you've explained your position then stop seeing your friend - she is bad news and bad for your health. Surround yourself with positive friends and have a positive life.
2007-08-20 05:51:24 · answer #9 · answered by JoW 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A manipulator by the sound of it.
Be Brutally honest. If she shows no interest in helping herself, how can someone else do it??
2007-08-20 05:42:07 · answer #10 · answered by reichmanix 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask her does she want to hear the truth or does she want you to lie to her. She will obviously state herself that she wants the truth. Then when you are brutally honest she can't get mad at you, because that is what she wanted anyway.
2007-08-20 07:20:47 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋