have fun reading these nice stories
-A Cat's Diary
Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture.
I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.
-America vs. Russia
The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.
The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."
-Persistent Idiot
I manage a simple web site for my employer (a small charity), and owing to the purchase of a domain name I emailed the details of the new URL to several website owners who were known to have maintained links to us at our old address.
A couple weeks later I received this message:
"Dear John" (my name is not John). "Please send me your advertising rates"
A simple request. The only problem is that we have never carried advertising. I emailed him back:
"Dear ***, Thanks for your enquiry, but I am afraid that we do not carry advertising within our website"
Message returns:
"Dear John" (Doh!) "Yes, I would like to advertise on your web site - please let me know how much it will cost."
I replied in much the same vein as before i.e. We do not carry advertising. We will never carry advertising. We have never carried advertising. There are no rates. Go away.
Message returns:
"Dear John" (I'm getting tired of being called John). "I would like to renew the advertising that I had with you a while back. How much does it cost now?"
By now I'm getting a little pissed. I reply.
"Dear ***, As I have stated repeatedly, we have never carried advertising within our website. You cannot therefore renew advertising that we have never carried. In the unlikely event that we should start to carry advertising in the future then you will be the first to know, but don't hold your breath. In the meantime, I would appreciate it if you would stop sending me requests for our advertising rates. We don't have any. Furthermore, my name is _not_ John (as you may see by reading the sig at the bottom of every message I have sent)."
Message returns yesterday:
"Dear John" (AAAAAAARGH!). "I enclose my copy for the advertising......."
My reply:
(Several hundred swear words deleted.)
"Dear ***, as you obviously do not understand plain English, try this for size. CONSIDER YOURSELF KILLFILED.
Actually I didn't send that reply - I just wish I had. He has, however, been added to my bozo list. I wonder if the schlemeil is gonna be visiting the web site daily, looking for his advertising.......
2007-08-19 20:33:22
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answer #1
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answered by ^-^ 3
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I'd hang out with you but Grandma wants to take me on in a full contact checkers game in 5 minutes so I can't sorry.
2016-04-01 08:20:54
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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I like to check peoples profiles to see if they have nice 360 pages when I get bored.
2007-08-19 20:38:35
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answer #3
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answered by ☮ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ☮ 6
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TV Links
2007-08-19 20:31:00
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answer #4
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answered by Keith 6
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This is really stupid, but I just found this site the other day and spent more than an hour there. I guess I must have been bored also.
http://basketmakers.com/topics/fun/jigsaw/
2007-08-19 21:27:08
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answer #5
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answered by Pat C 7
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go get a video from a video store. do somethink u like to do. look up stuff on the computer
2007-08-19 20:32:24
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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Run around in circles, works for me every time!
2007-08-19 20:30:46
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answer #7
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answered by Rynizzle 2
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Did you try chatting ? you will spend a lot of time on it without noticing .. and you can even have good friends ..
2007-08-19 20:33:42
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answer #8
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answered by Luay14 6
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yeah me too its 3:00 in the morning and i should sleep but i dont feel like it . my moms at a wedding. lol
2007-08-19 20:31:00
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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its like 3 in the morning but i cant sleep!
2007-08-19 20:31:03
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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