I recently asked a question about my fiance joining AA and her request for me to give up drinking entirely even though I do not have a problem. I decided on my own that she's worth it and I want to be with her for the rest of my life. So I stopped. I realize that if you really love someone, you're willing to make sacrifices for them. I am. Now, she doesn't think it would work and that I would resent her. It's not true. She wants to end the relationship. It's not fair & she's not giving us a chance. My question is is there any suggestions on how I can save this relationship? I believe that AA may have her thinking that without them, no one is capable of supporting her and that her sobriety is a priority over our relationship. She is not the person now that I proposed to. If there's any idea what to do, I'm all ears. Thanks everyone.
2007-08-19 19:16:26 · 10 answers · asked by nvador1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This one is kinda complicated. The fact is that people relate more to people that are going through similar situations. She probably feels as though you don't quite understand her and what she's going through. When people go through things like rehab, they are admitting that they have a weakness and that the weakness controlled there lives. That kind of weakness may not have been exposed in you yet and she is withdrawing from you. You saw her at her worst and that bothers her too. I know that you love her. At some point in every relationship love becomes a choice. You have to share that love with someone who is willing to give it back to you. With what she's going through right now, she may not be choosing to give it back to you. Although it may be hard to deal with, you have to. For her and your sake. Once she's reached a certain point in her quest for sobriety, she may come back to you. Only time will tell.
2007-08-19 19:44:41 · answer #1 · answered by gudlistnr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not all people can quit drinking without the help of AA. She may feel that she will start drinking again if she does not continue participating. There is not much you can do other than to reassure her that you are quitting because you want to, not because she wants you to. Her sobriety is very important to her. If she is addicted to alcohol, she will never be able to give it up without help. She is afraid that you will be sacrificing too much for her. It is up to you to convince her otherwise. Try going to some of the meetings with her. If you listen to the stories they tell, you will understand how bad it can be. I tried attending with my ex, because he was a very bad alcoholic, but he discontinued getting help, and remains dependent on his liquor.
2007-08-20 02:30:10 · answer #2 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your fiance is going through a lot of transitions in her life right now. So the changes could be to blame for her fickle behavior. But there is a possiblity that she has met someone else. my dad joined aa at the request of my mom and he didn't like the same things or people anymore. he changed a lot and it wasn't necessarily for the better. he changed so much from who he used to be that he started dating other women from AA. Hopefully this is not the case with your fiance but there are going to be a lot of things you will see changing.
2007-08-20 02:25:35 · answer #3 · answered by Roxanne G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her sobriety is the priority. If someone is an alcoholic, their life is ruined. Ask her if you can attend the meetings with her. She is trying to work out a very difficult problem. Be proud of her and support her in this task.
2007-08-20 02:42:07 · answer #4 · answered by 4HIM- Christians love 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many great thing with AA. There are problems too. Selfishness is one of them. My soon to "x" for 16 years decide that he would join NA along with AA.So he was gone all the time because he needed to take care of himself ,never mind he has been clean and sober for 14 years now. I understand your heartache but believe it or not it is better to know where you stand before you get married and have kids.
2007-08-20 02:46:56 · answer #5 · answered by noteworthy5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are having this problem now better give her up. Because if you went to AA and then went and had drinks she would have fits and you would have more of a problem because of the fighting. Give her up.
2007-08-20 02:25:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
start attending AA meetings with her let her see your gonna stand by her side if that doesn't work out it may be another man at the AA meetings that has her attention.. Good Luck sounds to me like you really love this woman and she would be lucky to have you
2007-08-20 02:24:52 · answer #7 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who are committed to sobriety, have to sever relationships with those who drink... It's just as simple as that.
If there was a lot of drinking in your relationship, perhaps she doesnt' trust going back to it... maybe she feels she will be exposed to it again, and that her sobriety is the most important thing in her life right now (because it IS!)....
alcoholism ruines lives, relationships, our sanity and our health. ask me, i know.
NO she's not the person you proposed to -- that person was living in an alcoholic haze. maybe she's finally herself now.
2007-08-20 02:23:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's simple.. You have sacrificed for her and she should appreciate you for it. However, now she wants you out!!.. So get out of her life and you begin your life.. Let her GO.. She's not worth it
2007-08-20 02:25:52 · answer #9 · answered by AdultMale 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what is AA?
2007-08-20 02:23:41 · answer #10 · answered by Discovery 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋