help me my parents are splitting up and i'm falling apart?

Question

i honestly don't know what to do
i can't decide to go with my Mom or stay with my Dad
and i don't want to hurt either of them.
i mean my dad can get on my nerves and he can be kinda ruff on me sometimes and he can be so insensitive of all other people around him. but i don't want him to be all alone.
and if i move away i'll miss my friends but i'm only moving like 2 miles away so i can see them anytime and i'll stay at the same school. but i can'tleave my mom i mean none of this was really her fault my Dad is so selffish i mean he could move out i mean why would he need a whole house to him self.
and a couple minuets ago he tried to guit trip me into staying.
i just don't know what to do.
i only see two options
either running away only problem is i don't have anyone that would take me in.
or 2ndly and i hope i don't have to do this
just kill myself

i'm such a mess i mean every that could go possibly wrong has gone wrong i just can't take this hell anymore i wish i had a gf to help me get through this ad make me feel better. i just hope things will get better soon because i can't last much longer

and you have no idea how much i've been praying for all of this to get better, but it's only gotten worse i think God hates me

Answer 1

Of course you feel guilty about choosing where to live because it's almost as if you're saying who you love more right? That's simply not the case. Depending on how your parents are handling the divorce, you may need to explain that you are still a daughter to BOTH parents and you love each equally. Neither of them should be giving you a guilt trip or badmouthing the other parent. REMIND them not to put you in the middle. That's just making the whole process even more difficult than what it needs to be.

Sometimes in divorce, parents are in a quest to win. It becomes a contest of who will win more money, more property and, of course, who will win the children right? They are so consumed with their own situation that they forget the awkward position the child is in. And yes, even though you are older, divorce is still so devastating.

One option is to spend the school year with one parent and the summer with the other. Please see a counselor and talk to your friends about this. Even seeking help in a church group might be good too. This is not a situation to go through it alone. You need someone to talk to -- even if it's just between you and God. You may not be sure that you can make it through but you will. This will pass and the pain will gradually get better as time goes on. Take it day by day and get help.

Answer 2

Sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel. You sound like maybe you have more than just divorce issues going on. Or if your only going to have to move 2 miles aways, maybe stay a week with one, and a week with the other. Or stay the week with one, and the weekend with the other. Does your dad and mom both work, if so which one will be home in the evenings while you are home from school? The one whose going to be there is the one I'd stay with during the week, and go to the others on the weekend. Just don't think of running away as an option, and Please don't try suicide, you don't want to hurt either of your parents by choosing one over the other-but how much will losing you for eternity hurt? Secondly, your mom already lost your dad, she does not need to lose her child. Besides you never know maybe one day they will work things out, and if not, one day they may meet someone who will make them both EXTREMELY happy. Remember your young, it seems like the end of the world, but at least you have parents, some are not as lucky! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your young in a few years you will be out on your own, and the divorce will be a thing of the past!!!!!!!!! I will be thinking about you, and God bless you-p.s. try praying-it really does work!!!!!!!

Answer 3

My parents are also in the middle of a divorce. It's been a year since they separated and I'm finally recovering from the shock and hurt of it all.
It is really hard to go through. I understand it completely.
My mom was the one who decided to leave. We tried hard to get her to stay but she wanted out because she had already found someone else.
Don't run away. I've tried it. It didn't work.
I've also gone pretty close to the killing myself thing. Really I don't because I don't want to hurt my friends and family.
Sometimes it does seem like having a significant other would help to get through the whole situation. I know all about that.
Your parents shouldn't be making you choose sides. My mom tried doing that to me and that's why I didn't go with her. She was mentally and emotionally abusing me as well as putting me through my own guilt trips.
Things will eventually work out. You can make it through. And you will.
If you ever want to talk feel free to write me.

Answer 4

Kid, while I am all for euthanasia and the human right to die, I do not think your situation is that serious from an adult perspective. Life is suffering, but time will pass and you'll get over this one. Keep your head up.

I suggest talking to trusted adult, such as a teacher or counselor at your school.

As for the choice of whether or not to stay with your mom or go with your dad, I'd simply refuse to make that decision.

Answer 5

Oh! you little sweetheart, I'm crying for you as I write this. Right now, stay with your dad. Your mom is leaving, right? let her leave. You aren't choosing that way, SHE is. You are just staying home. Give it a few days, see what happens. DON'T IN ANY WAY take this on yourself, it's not your fault. When you are married someday, you might get in an argument with your husband, and YOUR child might want to kill herself, (or himself) and you wouldn't want that to happen would you? Your parents are just going through some tough times right now, hang in there, help them, love them both, don't make a choice, just tell your mom you are staying home till your dad leaves, if he does, then you'll go to her place. I think there's stuff going on that you maybe don't know about, one of them caught the other one with another? I don't know, time will tell. DON'T KILL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU, AND IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!! Just give them some time. I don't even know you, and I love you. Ron

Answer 6

don't kill yourself thats just nuts! No matter who U live with U can still see both your parents and your friends. However U should stay with your mom I can't really explain why I feel that way but basically U can never replace yo mama!

Also don't run away then you'll see nobody and you'll be homeless and cold every night.

Lastly U should tell someone how U feel like your mom, friend, or close family member.

Answer 7

well from the way it sounds your dad did something to end the relationship? If he did then ur mom should get the house. Your dad cant FORCE you guys out. My parents split up 3 times. The last time was final and my dad lives alone. Yes he gets lonely some times but honestly i never feel sorry for him because its honestly all his fault. Its up to you but if your situation is anything like mine stay with your mom. She'll need u.

Answer 8

i say go with your gut feeling.
don't think of how the other parent will feel as a result of your choice.
it's your life.
you're gonna endure all the crap the parent you decide to stay with gives you.
so pick one you think would be better.
(i say your mom cause it seems like your dad's the reason all of this is happening plus in most cases children stick with their mothers in divorces since they're the ones who gave birth to them)
thats why i live with my mom. (and step dad)
i hope you dont have to struggle with this question for any longer....cause no one deserves to go through this..but if you'd like to talk about anything you can talk to me....i've grown up without a father cause they got a divorce when i was little. so everything you'll go through i've already done..meaning if you need to ask any questions i'm here for you.
cause you're not alone.

Answer 9

I know that you're hurting right now but let me tell you that killing yourself is NEVER the answer. There is always tomorrow. Everyday is a new day that will probably be better. People get divorced every day. You need to talk to your mom and tell her how bad you are feeling. Don't go through this alone. You both need each other. It will get better.

Answer 10

i'm sorry you are going through this.. it's difficult, i know.

there are websites for teens whose parents are divorcing. you can do a search for COPING WITH PARENTS DIVORCE, TEENS COPING WITH DIVORCE...

there are some websites out there for kids which give advice for self-help. and i hope you will consider checking into this.

people grow apart and get divorced. it's NOT YOUR FAULT and you don't have to feel guilty.

as far as your living arrangements, why not stay with one parent for a week then go visit the other for a week -- see what works the best.

and tell your father that you don't want to be put into the middle of his problems... that you care and love them both, and this is just as hard for you. after you do, i hope he shuts UP and leaves you alone. it's not nice trying to put you on a guilt trip.

don't kill yourself! this is a bad situation right now, but it will pass eventully. DO FOCUS ON YOURSELF... do things you like, spend time with friends. talk to someone -- do you have an adult relative or someone you admire and respect? ask them if they can listen. sometimes we needs someone to lean on... ask for advice if you want to-- take what you need...

sending hugs.
xoxoxo...