Would you think less of your husband if he did this, is it wimpy?

Question

He won't stand up to his ex wife, she calls and he listens to what ever she has to say, doesn't stand up for me when she bashes me. Always gives her extra money "for the kids"...she knows she can get more here so she blows thousands every month. He says it's because of the kids and he doesn't want to put them in a bad spot. In the meantine we go with out in our home when she is really on a spending spree...and I feel like I am taking the hit and have to work extra hard to make up the difference. I feel like he thinks she is a princess and I am the work horse. I feel like he should stand up to her. He told me today that I need to make friends with her to help with the problem of events where the children are concerned. He brought her into my life, he should fix it....she won't talk to me, even to sI have tried....she just acts out when these events are going on. I am at the end of my rope, I don't respect him, and I feel like he has been emotionally cheating on me because of thi

Answer 1

I think you should sit down and tell him how this is affecting you.

Then, there should be some counseling set up, as well.

Next, go to court and set up monthly child support.

Answer 2

I can understand why you don't feel that you have him emotionally 100%. But I don't know that you ever can expect that you will since they have kids together. This is something that must be considered when getting involved in a situation like this. On the other hand, he cannot continue to let her run your lives. While it's important that he and his ex maintain a civil relationship, she does not need to control everything.
I also agree that it would probably be best for you to at least have a civil relationship with her for the sake of the kids.
I would suggest to him that he let the courts handle the support and visitation issues, that way you can avoid her calling all of the shots. As for extra money that he gives to her, I'm not sure how much say you're going to have in this. Do you really know how much the kids need, or what she is doing with the money? Be careful not to make assumptions. This is why he should let the court handle this. And he should pay what they access. In terms of your feelings about him not being available to you the way he should be, I would talk to him about how it makes you feel devalued. Reassure him that you care about him and his kids, but you are not going to play second fiddle to his former wife. He needs to make a decison, and stick with it.

Answer 3

His ex leads him around by the balls and he lets her. How do you know the extra money he gives her is for the kids??? You need to make friends with her? Are you kidding?
If I were you I'd exit that whole scene just as fast as possible. The respect is gone, and you can't have love without respect. His ex will continually be apart of your lives and your the one paying the price for her intrusion because your husband fails to put a stop to. Get out while you can.

Answer 4

Yes he is whipped. He needs to realize that he has someone else in his life and he needs to take care of that. She should not manipulate him because of the kids. He can buy what they need instead of giving her money. If he hasn't gone to court for child support he should and he should stick to that amount. If she is wasting that money then he needs to go to court to prove her unfit and get his kids. Bad news is, out of all the cases that I have seen where men act like this....they don't change. Simply not a leader. And I am a man. My mom has dealt with a joker like this and he hasn't changed yet because he himself doesn't see anything wrong with it. Wish I could tell you something different, but only another man could help him be what he is supposed to be. It's good that he takes care of his kids, but there is a lot more than that to being a man. You have to be a leader and be able to handle ALL of your responsibilities. One of which is keeping peace in your own home and making sure youyr woman is well taken care of....secure. Can i get an AMEN......LOL..On the real though...........represent!

Answer 5

He needs to put you before his ex. You cannot accuse the ex without showing him proof other wise he will just continue to fork over the money. You can ask him if he can request reciepts to see where the extra money is going. I personally don't know how you can stand this. this is a serious problem and you need to get some counseling. If you don't see any changes it may be time to consider packing it up and getting out.

Answer 6

Sounds to me like he never fully got over his ex and she is taking advantage of that.In return you are being somewhat taken advantage of.Giving extra money for the kids is fine but not at your expense,especially if he's already paying child support.No you don't have to make friends with his ex,if she's bashing you its clear she doesn't want to be your friend any way.You can be civil for the sake of the kids and that's it.The two of you need to seek help.If that doesn't work,give him his walking papers.

Answer 7

As a child of one of those sorts of marriages I can sort of understand your view point, the fact that your husband gives his ex money for the kids can interpret his behaviour as a wimp, but it also shows him as a good father, it shows that he is a decent and honourable man, my father cheated on my mother, divorced her and is soon to marry his mistress my Mum bought myself and my two other siblings up with practically nothing, if anything my father is the wimp, and I don't know the story here but when my mum went on spending sprees with my Dad's money that he gave it was things for myself or my brothers and sisters even though looking at it from the outside it didn't, like she bought her own house, car and things for the house but ultimately they were for the children, but it is a pain in the backside that you're expected to be friends with your hubby's ex if anything she needs to learn to get along with you

Answer 8

Yes I would lose respect for him, you should talk to him and tell him these things and set a limit on how much to give to his children every month and not a penny more unless you are the ones buying things for the children.

Answer 9

i'm sure this was going on BEFORE you married the man... and people don't change after they say I DO.

apparently, she is using him because she can. and he lets her because he is carrying around guilt over the past.

no one can put a halt to this except him.

you dont have to be "friends" with her or even try. it's probably not a good idea in most instances anyway. why try? wouldn't you rather pound your head against a brick wall?

do what is best for YOU... this won't change until HE changes it... you can talk to him about it until you're blue in the face.. you won't win til he notices and says "HEY I AM A DOORMAT!" ...because he is!

Answer 10

Time for an ultimatum.
Perhaps marital counselling will help. Also, are there other family members who can step in?
I understand his concern about his kids, but he should not take that kind of abuse from her. Of course it is ultimately the kids who will be hurt the most.