A little help for an old man...whats your opinion?

Question

I'm 60, weeks or at best a couple of months away from death from pancreatic cancer. No hope for remission. Physically, emotionally and financially exhausted. Pain meds every four hours hold the pain at bay. Really hurts. Can't eat much other than bread, coffee, eggs, water and inexplicably a baked potato. Anything with fat, spices, acids, sugars etc produce spasms in the abdomen even the meds can't control.
I've considered that I will reach a point before this kills me that I will check out on my own. That I have had enough.
Am I wrong thinking this way? I'm not looking for validation or support, just informed opinion on a touchy subject to help guide me in a decision.
Thanks.

It's around 3 in the morning and I have read the answers down to betty. As I had hoped, different perspective from disinterested parties has given me more to think about. I thank you all for the kind words. You have helped.

Before I could log off shesmypunk arrived so i wish to thank them also for the advice.

Answer 1

The final stage before death is acceptance. If you feel you are making peace with the world, then that is good. I hope you get better or at least have a happy ending. :)

Answer 2

All i have to say is be strong. I know that your loved ones are probably hoping for a miracle and that you'll pull through but as long as they know how much you care for them and they have had the opportunity to tell you how they feel and share their emotions, you have done all you need to do.

I do hope you are not suffering for much longer as i know that cancer is a cruel disease which holds no mercy.

All those who are saying to pray and accept Christ are trying to help in every way that they can and I fully support what they are saying. I cannot begin to understand what frame of mind you are in now but try to think about it if you haven't already as this truly is your last chance to repent and if Heaven exists then you will be at peace there. If not... what have you lost? It's hard in your situation and I don't really know what to say for the best because on one hand in return to all the comments about being saved you could be thinking that a forgiving God that is all-powerful has given you this painful and debilitating illness that can only swing one way, but on the other hand you could think that although this has happened and at such a young age, it's God's plan to take you from this life now because He needs you by His side.

I know how hard it is to accept God in situations like this but i do hope you think harder on the latter.

I can only give my love now and pray the pain lessens to give you a peaceful end to a full and happy, although cut short, life.

God bless x

Answer 3

Hi there. I'm sorry about your illness. I lost my Dad to pancreatic and liver cancer in November 2005.

I don't think you're wrong in thinking you have had enough. In the months before he went, I talked with my Dad about his illness and impending death (it was really hard, believe me -- I'm getting tears in my eyes remembering it). He told me he was ready to go because he had done pretty much what he wanted with his life -- he had a 49 year marriage and raised two kids and sent us to college on a gardener's salary, and he was beloved by his nieces and nephews. The cancer had deteriorated his muscle tone so badly that his neck hurt badly all the time because he couldn't hold up the weight of his head, and he couldn't bathe or go to the bathroom without help. I would have liked him to stay with us a little longer, but he went very quickly - within 6 weeks of his diagnosis. I think that was a blessing because he didn't have the abdominal pain that you are complaining of. This is a long-winded way of saying that, yes, he was ready to go, and that he had had enough. I don't think there is anything remotely abnormal about thinking that you might want to go out on your own terms.

Another answerer asked if you were Christian. My Dad accepted Christ during those last few weeks, and it gives me immeasurable peace because I do believe we will get to see each other again sometime. It's not for everyone, I know, and it would pretty much foreclose any affirmative efforts to end things sooner than you would like. It may, however, help ease the transition for you and your family.

God bless - I wish you peace and days that are pain free, my friend.

Answer 4

I understand that someone in this situation like you will have that pessimistic thinking. I dont know what to say much to lessen your pain or help you get through this. But I always think that we are created as humans to live a meaningful life because we are smart enough to get what life means. You had gone more than half of your road, then why dont you hold on to the very last minute just to treasure this life you had. There are people who love you and they know you love them too. They want to see you eventhough there is not much time left. But every minute is very important to them. If you know that you are going to leave them so at least try to give them as much time as possible to care for you and love you.

Im just a 15 years old girl so if i've said something wrong, please forgive me. Its just i think if the sooner you let go the greater pain that those whom love you will suffer.

Answer 5

You are emotionally depressed and that is eating you up as well as physically and financially . I suggest you talk to your doctor about feeling depressed. I know, it may mean more meds to take or talk to a therapist but it's better than allowing yourself feel overwhelmed emotionally and feeling anxious to end your life to stop the pain.

When you are in a better non-depressive state, you can think more rationally and little things don't bother as much. I know because I am on meds myself. I realize I don't react too rash anymore. Sometimes, if you can calm down and forget that you can't eat a good meal like you use to but you can still have a friendly, loving chat with your family or friend. You can still have a good laugh about the old times or tell a joke and watch your favourite show on the tube. I am urging you to take care of yourself emotionally. Some things are not really worth worrying about. I don't mind that I can't eat certain foods I loved anymore because I know it's not important as many things are like the people around me.

There are also good books you can read like Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think by Dennis Greenberger , Christine A. Padesky
There's also Feeling Good by David D Burns, M.D.

I'm urging you to give it a try and find a way to get out of your depression. I know you feel lousy. Lot of people care about you even people who don't know you, like myself. Please take care of yourself. I hope you feel at peace with yourself. If you can, take time to smell the roses and get some fresh air. I am sure you're a special, beautiful person and I hope there is an angel watching over you. People care about you. Think happy and optimistic thoughts. Your family and friends are going to love and admire you even more for being strong and being tougher than checking yourself out. Have more faith in yourself that you are better off making the best of it on your own. I am sure they want you to be stronger person and it would make them hurt to see you give up like this.

When you can be strong in circumstances like this, it inspires others to be stronger too. Be a better example to those who love you. I know your pain is real and I am really hoping your days will get better and the pain will go away. Not giving up is a sign of courage. I wish there was some way I could talk you out of your blunt decision. I am constantly taking care of my ill father. If you were my father, I wouldn't want you harm yourself, in any way. I do my best to care for him every and I cry for him alone at night sometimes but I am brave and very supportive when I am with him. I know that it is the meds that are helping me. I think it could help you too.

Answer 6

I'm very sorry to hear about your condition. I hope you don't decide to check out on your own because maybe there are lot of things you haven't done yet. Food isn't everything. Experience is something. Maybe I am just an sappy optimist but I prefer to hear about someone who would fight to their last breath. Maybe you can take time to write about your life story or something. Try doing other things to pre-occupy your mind so you don't think about death 24/7. It's hard to live when you're in so much pain. I am sure there are people who care about you. There are also people who also in similar circumstances but they're not giving up easily. They can't enjoy life as they use to, but they are fighting for it and that is admirable. It would break my heart to hear otherwise.

My sincerest wishes for you.

Answer 7

It's hard to know what to say in a situation like this. My heart goes out to you. I know that you're hurting and you want the pain to end. I understand. But before you decide to let go (or take things into your own hands), try, if you can, to hold on long enough to let those whom you love know how much they mean to you, and let them show their love to you. Know that love carries over from this world into the next. It's a tie that can't be broken. Death is only a passage, a rebirth into another form of existence. The bonds that are formed in this life can never be broken. I don't know if you're a spiritual man or not. But I'm asking that you trust me on this.

God bless you and keep you.

Answer 8

When you reach to the point of giving up....keep telling yourself not to do it. You have come this far why not stay as long as it takes you into God's hands.
Pray to Him to relieve the pain so that you can stop thinking negative. I have read a lot of Joel Osteen's book and about the story of his mom. She had put pictures of herself all over the house--even in the bathroom of happy times in her life, when she was healthy.. Every time she went into the bathroom, she saw herself happy, healthy, and enjoying life. She refused to dwell on the negative diagnosis, she didn't focus on her sick body. She looked out through her eyes of faith, and she saw herself the way she wanted to be. Externally, she was weak, and feeble, but internally, on the inside in her heart and mind, she was strong, determined and healthy.
She insisted on seeing herself as the victor and not the victim. God ,in His goodness, totally healed her. She became what she saw and to this day, more than twenty years later, she's as healthy as she can be. Joel says,"Friend, you, too, will prodce what you keep in front of you. What kind of pictures have you placed on the walls of your mind? You say you have 'months', she had only a few weeks....she was diagnosed with terminal cancer......
What do you think? Can you change the picture of yourself in the inside of your heart and mind??? Try it and it will also keep you busy in a positive frame of mind... The book is:Your Best Life Now, by Joel Osteen......and i got mine at the library so there is no money spent on a great book. Good wishes to you.

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong with checking out on your own terms when the end is inevitable. I know I would. I can only send you the love of a fellow human being and hope you find the way that is right for you.

Answer 10

I know it is tempting in your situation but God is not done with you yet. You need to be strong and pray for hope. You need to pull through this for your family. It's almost over and you will have all the rest you need. Pray for the pain to lessen. 60 is young. I am so sorry you are going through this. Just please hold on. If you aren't a Christian, there couldn't be a better time to become one. Soon, you will have all that you desire and this sickness will be the farthest thing from your mind. Pray for forgiveness for your sins and for Jesus to become your savior. He will give you the hope that you need to hang on these last months. You posted this for a reason and I found it for a reason. Please heed to this.