My ex boyfriend and I were together for almost 4 years and ended 3 years ago because he didn't want to get married after all. We still loved each other but were in different places. We kept in touch and have moved on to others in this time. He met someone last year and are now just married. He seems to want to know though about my relationships everytime I get involved and of course I feel uncomfortable with this, so I don't say much. But he has no problem dishing every detail about his love life.. I usually ignor it as I really don't wanna know, expecially about the wedding. He recently contacted me in an email again asking me about why now I'm single and if I'm ok. Now, I don't wanna look too far into this or should I? Why does he care?
2007-08-19 17:01:09 · 39 answers · asked by PIXIE 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to be clear, the reason we still spoke in the last 3 yesrs is because we worked together...but it was mostly about business. I never volunteered my personal love life to him as obviously....awkward. I've tried very hard to keep my distance. This recent email is the first personal one I've received in over 3 years (not business wise). Plus....he sent this from overseas as he just moved there with his new wife.
2007-08-21 07:32:52 · update #1
Because he still isn't ready to be married, but he is. His behavior shows he jumped into this new relationship without working out a lot of issues he feels the two of you had. I would just tell him it is over and you don't feel comfortable talking to him, especially about your personal life. Anything less and you are just headed for trouble with this one.
2007-08-19 17:11:26 · answer #1 · answered by onebigfool 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
As u gave the best suggestion so here's something I hope that might help... The next time he asks u anything about u just tell him that u have never have felt better in life before and that doesn't he think that it is a little too late to ask u this questions and very honestly just let him know that as he has moved on so would u so no need for him to share his love life with his wifey or about t he wedding.. From where I see it he is just trying to make u feel bad trust I know how it feels since my ex use to do the same thing till I didn't get married but just my luck my hubby to turned out to be a jerk too..
2007-08-20 10:34:45 · answer #2 · answered by kajal c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you see if you live with someone, and then break up it is emotionally just the same as a divorce...which so many people think today they are avoiding. They may avoid a few financial problems...but not much else.
This person still cares about you...chose to get married, and who knows whether he is glad he made that decision....and if I were you, I would break off further contact with him.. He could be trying to hang onto you, at the same time.
And if you had just waited instead of moving in with him...you might be the one he is married to....the facts are he didn't need to marry you....maybe he did, the other girl. Sometimes the old rules were for a good reason. Guys are not easily motivated to lose their "freedom", unless they find a girl who wants nothing else!
Guys are motivated to give love so they can get sex.
Women are motivated to give sex to get love. If they are smart, they don't do it too quickly.
2007-08-26 18:22:49 · answer #3 · answered by samantha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel like I've heard this before, my ex of 6 years left me 7 weeks ago. I am hurt and @ the end of my rope. We still call each other old habits hard to break,and this is my take on the situation even though he lives with his new girlfriend he left me for, he still has feelings and just in case his sh... doesn't work out, there is always me to go back too.
Obviously your buddy ain't to sure anymore of his marriage, the new stuff wore off some and reality hit him. By the way the grass ain't greener on the other side there ain't none. Hard to handle she doesn't have what you have.
If you do not love him anymore than you should let him go , because you only get hurt don't entertain his foolishness let him lay in the bed he made.
He still feels you are his that is just male ego. My ex asked me if i was wearing revealing shirts what do you care you got your new girl.
All of this is sick go on girl drop this subject let it fly
good luck
2007-08-27 01:59:43 · answer #4 · answered by maria s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sees you as a buddy, a friend, and I think you are reading wayyyy too much into this. He's married, thus unavailable, so that might make him more intoxicating to you. It seems you never got over him as you feel uncomfortable telling him about your new man yet he's clearly moved on. I think you are most uncomfortable over the fact that not only has he moved on, but he's married -- someone else, and not YOU.
Head to a good qualified therapist at once and work through your disappointment and anger NOW. And leave him alone.
2007-08-26 12:23:51 · answer #5 · answered by brilliantyetconfused 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you thinking that this guy isn't such good husband material? I am.
If his wife knew that he kept corresponding with you, telling you about his love life, would she be unworried, placid, and accepting? If she knew that he kept asking about your relationships, would she think it was just friendly curiosity or would she think he was keeping aware just in case he saw an opportunity to renew his attachment to you and cheat on her? Or, worse yet - keeping you in his life as 'Plan B'!
If you can put yourself in her place and feel comfortable about all of that, then I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Tell him you are OK. Then ask yourself if you really are. Are you 'moving on'? The answer to why you are still single might be that you are having a BLAST being single and living it up. If that's true, then live it. Live it up!
If the answer to why you're still single is that you are sad and lonely and still recovering from someone who was so much stronger than you that he went after what he wanted and MARRIED her, then no, I wouldn't say that. I'd just do something about it ... aggressively dating as much as I could with the goal of a permanent committed relationship in mind.
Plan your own damned wedding. Buy bridal magazines and look at dresses. Diet down to the size you want to be if necessary to look good in the perfect dress. Draw up lists of guests for your side of the family. Think about the theme of the decorations and think about music and caterers, etc.
If you can get interested in that, you will have something to aim for besides the emotional commitment. With this guy, you seemed to have the emotional commitment with no wedding in sight. You just have to get it straight in your own mind that the two go together. Yes, you said that he didn't want to get married after all. But that didn't stop him from getting married. You can meet someone and get married too.
A friend of mine went to a therapist and said her goal was to get married. The therapist said, 'Anyone can get married. It's having a good marriage that is hard.'
Wow, is that ever true!
2007-08-26 04:25:50 · answer #6 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would feel uncomfortable too. I would let him know that talking to him about your personal life and that you don't want to hear about his. The truth is that he didn't want to get married to you and instead of him being a man about the situation he strung you along til he was tired. for that I would think less of him. You have no obligation to tell him anything other than work related business and he has no right to ask about your personal life. Tell him how you feel and if he can't understand where you are coming from and respect your opinion and feelings than good ridden. holding on to someone like that will only put you through pain and hurt. It won't effect him and he has showed you this already. Good luck and I hope you feel better.
2007-08-22 01:17:36 · answer #7 · answered by beautifull103087 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, Don't waste your time. He wasn't ready for marriage with you but married someone else three years later. So why is he still communicating with you? He's stupid and you are better than that. Drop that zero a line and tell him to stay out of your personal life and focus on his. I'm sure that all of the time he is putting into emailing you his wife is being neglected. Now aren't you glad that he didn't marry you?
2007-08-24 17:37:12 · answer #8 · answered by andizwif 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I get the feeling this guy thinks of you as some kind of a trophy. He would love for you to gush a bit and tell him you are pining away with unrequited love. This would stroke his ego, for sure.
He has a wife. Why don't you tell him to go attend to his marriage and get lost as far as you are concerned? I also get the feeling that you are stretching this out a little bit. You may still be a bit stuck on him, as he seems to be with you. This is a recipe for disaster, and would certainly hurt his wife.
Cut him off! Don't even bother to write him, because wives sometimes run into e-mails. Just block those e-mails and forget this guy. Because he is married, you need to look forward instead of back and get on with your life.
2007-08-26 17:42:14 · answer #9 · answered by Me, Too 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 4 years of relationship, he still have a feeling of responsibility towards you. I suppose he just wish you would get married and settle down to rid him of the guilt that he has wasted 4 years of your precious life. Thats why he emailed you to learn of your welfare now. Well, you need to reply him telling him that you are OK and for him not to worry. He may email you a few more times asking for your welfare again and after knowing your every replies show that you are OK, he will stop. Regarding to his revelation of his personal details, I think he got nothing else to write except that. Well you can ignore that part.
2007-08-23 20:10:35 · answer #10 · answered by mako 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋