Should I move on or try to fix it?

Question

My wife and I are seperated and going through the terils of divorce. I have cheated on her and the person I have cheated with can not decide what she wants. This weekend my wife and I spent some time together at my daughters cheerleading event, and it was nice, when we drove away I realized I miss her and have been thinking about her and what we once had, and part of me wants it back and to work it out, but I am uncertain she will change some of her traits that led me to stray. We have been sharing a few thoughts and still care for one and another, she has been dating but has notbody that strikes her intrest. Should I try to fix this or move on ?

Answer 1

You're uncertain if SHE will change some of HER traits that led you to stray?

If all you can do is blame others for your cheating, then leave her be. She deserves better than you.

Answer 2

Dear friend, the question you are asking sadly has no clearcut answer. In fact it's the gray area of life where 'either or' does not exist. Though if i can help you in your turmoil, i would like to present you with 3 basic points to help you search your answer.
1. Think about what is the most important thing in your life. Think through thoroughly and as a dissociated person from your present conflict.
2. You as a human have an amazing quality called the power of acceptance. Best survival and it's positive outlook on life comes out of the fact that you accept your actions and situations in it's totality. It will give a totally fresh perspective of your problems. And last,
3. Believe that there is nothing wrong in starting a life a new, even when you know that as it is your life has ended. Because when ever one thinks that there is no road ahead, we find a new beginning. The point being, let go of your inhibitions, to see that there is still a whole lot to do in life. Don't get bogged down by immediate concerns. The reason of life shows that there is much more to do before we finally sleep.
So i hope it would help you find your bearings in life.
With regards.....

Answer 3

You should tell her how you feel because she maybe a more understanding person than I am and give you another chance. You need to look in your heart and know for sure what you want before you go to her. If it is because the other woman does not know what she wants then that is unfair to your wife because no one want to be second choice. You made a commitment to your wife and you broke it so that has to mean something. If you had been happy then you would not have cheated so decide what you want and the kind of relationship you want. If you think it is your wife then do whatever it takes to get her back but make sure of what it is you realy want because being a cheater is something you should not want to be.

Answer 4

first of all, you need to assess the reasons you cheated on her in the first place. if you did it bcuz of her personality, then what makes you think she'll change. you shouldn't change a person, you are supposed to love the good and the bad. that's excepting someone for who they are. what if it doesn't work out with the other woman? what if your ex wife meets someone so perfect? will you be jealous? i would definitely consider "fixing" your marriage. trust me from personal experience, it's not usually greener on the other side. not sure how old your daughter is, but in her best interest you two should at least remain friends. very hard decision. you should go with your heart. think of her also. don't blame it on her traits for the reason you strayed. to me, there is never a reason. you could have ended the marriage before cheating. it's not fair to anyone. although, i have cheated and been cheated on in relationships, and i can proudly say, that once a cheater, NOT always a cheater. i hurt many ppl, as they also hurt me. good luck, and if she forgives you, she's amazing.

Answer 5

Are you kidding ME?!?!? You are uncertain if She will change some of the traits that made you stray? I think that the two of you need to sit down and really talk things out and either agree to make things work or to cut your losses. I think the first thing that you may need to do is to change some of your traits that made you stray. I would definately recommend that you explain to your wife why you felt the need to stray and express to her what you need. If you can't speak freely to her, please write her a letter and tell her that way. If you enjoyed the weekend that you spent together and really missed her, than there is something still there that could possibly be worked out. If at all possible seek mediation from a church or a marriage counselor. It sounds like there is something worth saving on your end.
Best of luck

Answer 6

You obviously are afraid of being alone, considering that if your "home-wrecking" girlfriend doesn't want a relationship then your going to go back to your wife.
Also, you obviously care nothing about your daughters feelings, I mean you already put her through hell by cheating on her mom, and then the "divorce" and now your thinking of taking her back.
And you are also very ignorant to blame her (your wife) for your unfaithfulness. I guarantee she made sure your dinner was ready and your clothes clean, she probably took care of the bills, and let you "have free time" - enough to find someone to "screw" around on her with.
Your a loser, who has a g/f who is starting to see it and is ready to walk out, and because you know that you cannot make it alone you gonna go running back to the one woman who TRULY loves you, just so when the next "Catch" comes along you can hurt her and your child all over again. I say let the divorce be finalized, find yourself a nice little bachelor pad, and let your wife find someone who won't leave her and your daughter hurting while your out "sowing your wild oats". You are one of the men that make marriage look bad, all I can say is I hope a man never hurts your baby girl the way her DADDY hurt HER MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -that would be a shame for her, and maybe a reality check for daddy dearest!!!

Answer 7

Sit down and lets have a little chat.

You cheated on her. She has traits that led you to stray.

Hmmm.

Forget about the 2nd girl for a bit.

You miss what you and you wife had and could have and at one time, both wanted.

Sounds like there is some potential there.

First off, when things get a bit difficult, you can't go out and bang another woman. That just doesn't work. Have you noticed how there is an emotional bond now between you and lady #2? Now your involving an innocent 3rd party into the situation and that just complicates things beyond what you need in order to work things out with the wife.

Rule #1: Work things out or disolve (terminate) the relationship before getting involved with another person.

Now, I don't know how long you've been married or how old you are but, and I'm sure that most of the guys here will agree, your ol' lady isn't going to change. Oh, she may change a little bit for a little while but for the most part, she's going to be the very same person that you first fell in love with way back. Remember?

Ya wanna win her back just like you did when you first met her?

Rule #2: Ya gotta keep dating them. Yep. Just like it was when you first met her and said to yourself, "I just gotta get to know her. She's hot!"

So, treat her like you want her to start liking you and she just might keep doing it. But, you have to date them and treat them like that all the time. You know how they are. They sometime seem to forget that they like us or at least forget to act like they do. They need a little reminding sometimes.

You got a little girl that's a cheerleader? She probably looks a bit like her mama. A broken home is hard on a child. How about going back and staying until your little girl is out of high school? Give her hugs and kisses everyday and tell her that you'll never leave her like that again and that it was just a difficult time between you and her mama and sometimes adults need a little bit of time away from each other to be reminded how much they really mean to each other.

Sticking out through the ruff times is what seperates the men from the boys.

I know. Women often make it very difficult to stick around but, just remember one thing. It's cheaper to keep 'er.

If you and she can work things out and forget about the past problems and work together for tomorrow, and honestly try and work together by putting yourselves into the other's shoes, and to really try to understand things from the other's viewpoint, I'm sure that it will pay off for all three of you.

You didn't go into a marriage with the idea that if she became a bixch you would just go out and get a girlfriend. You know it was the wrong thing to do so now it's time to do the right thing.

Go to the phone now and dial her number. Tell her how much you miss the good times that you had together and that you want to get your life back on track with her because you know in your heart that she is only true one for you.

Best Wishes my friend and I hope it all works out.

Oh yeah, before I forget, one thing that I have done in the past is to pray. I said, "Oh dear Lord, if your not going to change her, then please, at least, change me." It seems to have worked to a degree. What I mean is, certain behaviors and other things still bug the crap out of me but, I have just found them a little easier to deal with as time goes on.

Once again, best wishes and good luck to you (and her).

.

Answer 8

your question angers me a bit....you didnt stray from any action your wife did, you did it because you were selfish and don't believe in the sanctity of marriage!(most people dont these days) didnt your wife have these traits when you married her??? if not, a bit of marriage counseling can help you both, just go to your local church...its free and insightful!
i think you need to definitely work it out, it cant be so bad if you are asking the question.
no matter what situation arose, i would not divorce ever. it is not why God marries 2 people! you need to stop cheating and realize it does no good, you need a solid, friendship as a relationship basis...no whore-ish sex!

Answer 9

First of all you basically answered part of the reason why your wife and you can not get along. You cheated. My ex-husband did the same thing to me. He wanted us to be seperated but stay married to me while he cheated. Ask yourself this, can you honestly be true to your wife? Can you forget about this other woman whom you have cheated with and the person that you cheated on your wife with? If the other woman can not make up her mind that basically is telling me that she doesnt want to settle down and that she basically wants sugar daddys to pay her bills..etc etc. That is not true love that is fornication. Put yourself in your wifes shoes, if she cheated on you and was still seeing the person that you cheated on her with, how would you feel? Would you want to start over with trusting issues? Do you love this other woman? You cant love two people if you want this relationship to work. Because let me tell you even if a miracles happens and you get back together there will always be doubts in your wifes mind as to where you are if you 5mins late, if your not answering your cellphone, not returning calls..the list could go on and on. If you wanna take steps to reconcile I suggest setting up an appointment with a therapist that deals with cheating spouses. Next start over like it was when you first met your wife. Take her out for a date night, cook dinner for her and invite her over. But do not I repeate do no push her. She has to take this step first in building back the trust issue. I've seen it happen before where couples have reunited after this kind of situation. If you TRULY LOVE her then you can fix anything. God is there for prayers. God will always listen to them to help you. But remember God works in his own time, not our time. So if it takes 6mths, 1yr or longer I would definately try to fix what has happened. But do it for the right reasons not because your mistress cant make up her mind rather she wans one, two or more relationships. Do it because you love your wife. I'm lucky enough to have been married to my 2nd husband for 12yrs. I actually found my soulmate. We read each others minds, we can finish each others sentences. Love is out there but its not something you can fix in a day. God Bless You and I wish you and your wife many blessings to the new relationship that is to become.

Answer 10

First of all you sound like a real charmer. One thing though...your wife didn't lead you to stray, ok? It was your own lack of morals, so quit blaming her for it already and admit it was you not her. Plain and simple, you're a cheater and she'd do better without you I'm sure. I hope she finds a nice guy that appreciates her and leaves you in her dust. I suggest that you go find happiness with someone like you. Your homewrecking gf is a good candidate since you have so much in common, that is if it's what she wants, cuz apparently you have no mind of your own and have to wait till she tells you what to do.