What is the difference between being a push over and doing a favor?

Question

I used to be a push over when I was young. So for the past few years, i've been so paranoid in doing favors for people because I am afraid they are pushing me over. So my question is, what is crossing the line between being a push over or just being a friend? And how can I stop being so paranoid about doing favors for other people but at the same time how can I also avoid being a push over. I'm so confused about this issue and i'm afraid that I will lose all my friends and more if I continue being so paranoid and avoid doing favors for others. Please help. =(

Answer 1

You should only do favors if you want to. If you are feeling pressured into doing then then you are pushing yourself.. If someone gets mad then they are only using you. So the way to tell if your being a push over is by the way you feel. If you don't mind doing it then do the favor but if you don't then don't.

Answer 2

If they are your friend, then they aren't trying nor will they be a push over. And you should want to help them in any way you can.

Sounds more like a trust problem to me. Maybe your so paranoid, because your so called friends in the past weren't your friends (not in your eyes atleast) they were people you knew you could use and take advantage of.

Your afraid kharma will bite you in the rear now... And it could.

But like I said if these people are your real friends, you have nothing to worry about except making them happy, because they'll do the same in return.

Remember if you do a favor and expect something in return, either than in later, then you didn't really do a favor tobegin with did you? You need to learn to give to others and expect nothing in return, it will hep you be less paranoid. You should be happy about the fact you helped someone rather or not they deserved it. You did a good-deed, and that should make you feel great!

Answer 3

There's a paradox here.

Doing things for people isn't entirely selfless. To believe that favours are entirely altruistic is a kind of self deciet. As people, when we do someone a favour we feel good about ourselves and it allows us to feel useful. Not only that, but doing something for someone helps us connect with other people.

Also, asking for a favour to be done for us is a good way of strenghtening a friendship. Which is one reason why fiercely independant people can have problems keeping friends. Have you ever offered to help someone only to be turned down? You feel kinda rejected right? Locked out.

Give and take is important. Some give more than others in terms of time, lending money etc. But these things are measurable. Maybe what the other person give back isn't as measurable but exists nonetheless.

If you allow yourself to become paranoid about this then it will show, and you could become the selfish one in a friendship, constantly feeling suspicious and not seeing the good things that people are really doing for you.

If you enjoy giving, then give. If you feel that someone really is taking advantage, then stop doing things for them. But be aware that they may be giving you something else.

Answer 4

The difference is in how YOU feel! You are a pushover when you can't say no to anyone who asks a favor, even if it causes you great discomfort or stress. When you do a favor because you want to, then you are an active participant in a relationship that brings you pleasure.

Answer 5

I think a person is a push over when they say yes to everything even when they don't want to do the favor. If you always say yes, people will take advantage of you. Stand up for yourself and say no if you don't want to do it. If you do want to do something for a friend, go for it and enjoy it. However remember "no" is always an appropriate answer.

Answer 6

The difference is... when you're being a pushover you are sacrificing your own happiness to do the favor. If you don't mind, and its not something that will make you unhappy, go for it. On the other hand, being a friend doesn't require favors. good luck

Answer 7

When it starts interfering with my life, if I"m putting my stuff on hold and going over and beyond what others would do for me, that's when I start going, you know what, I've got stuff to do.

I don't mind doing a solid now and then but if I need to say no, I will. If they try to push, I remind myself next time they will get no favors from me and stick to it.

Answer 8

If I am comfortable with the favor it is okay. If I form a resentment against the person asking because it is out of line or more than I can handle, then say no.

Answer 9

Be discerning. If you don't feel comfortable, or it hurts you financially then don't do it. If you are being pressured into doing a favor - again stand your ground and don't do it.
If your being taken advantage of - speak up. If it's the so-called friends that are pressing you, get some new ones.
Life's too short.

Answer 10

Don't do a favor that the person can do themselves. For example it's hard for one person to move their entire apartment by themselves but if he/she just needs a ride to the store they can take a bus or a cab. Don't loan money to friends but pay for small stuff occasionally when you're out together. If you don't want to do it; don't. Real friends don't ask you do things that make you uncomfortable. If you feel like a servant when they ask you say, "No".