How do I get my husband to stop cheating on me?

Question

He is cheating on me with an old friend of his from before he knew me. He says they are just friends, but he talks to her everyday, and he is ignoring me and our son. I don't thin that their relationship is physical, but he is definatly cheating emotionally. I have asked him many times to stop talking to her and IMing her all the time. He tries to hide it by doing it before i get home from work, or when i am not in the computer room. I don't know how to make him stop. I need help.

Answer 1

You can't make him stop. You can't make a grown man do anything -- nor should you try.

You need to decide what is important to you and then you need to make your needs known. If your needs aren't met then you have some decisions to make.

Start with reading this:
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/8036/your-friends-scare-me

If your partner is enjoying the company of another person, and that person is someone of the opposite sex from your partner, the answer is pretty obvious: you're worried about your mate becoming sexually attracted to that person, and, well, you know what happens next....
It's quite common for a couple to struggle with the thorny issue of opposite-sex friends.
It's quite common for a couple to struggle with the thorny issue of opposite-sex friends. Sometimes the problem arises from one partner refusing to let go of past boyfriends or girlfriends. Individuals who keep the old flames' phone numbers in their contact file believe it doesn't make sense to dispose of the friendship just because the romance fizzled out.
Some opposite-sex relationships spring from the workplace. In many job sites, including the military, men and women work side by side. When put into high-intensity situations, people bond. Some people, even if they're married, think that it's artificial to limit these positive work experiences to the office. They figure that if it feels good to be around their officemate during work, it should feel good spending time together after work as well.
Even though your mate sees lots of good reasons to foster these friendships, you have an even better reason not to: because it threatens your You're concerned that if your partner has a friendship with a person today, it could grow into a love affair tomorrow.
relationship. You're concerned that if your partner has a friendship with a person today, it could grow into a love affair tomorrow. You're concerned
that if your partner has a friendship with a person today, it could grow into a love affair tomorrow. And you have every reason to be concerned.
The Warning Signs
When one individual shares intimacies with another of the opposite sex, they develop a familiarity that binds them closer together. This connection breeds feelings of "specialness" that leaves each with the sense that they have a unique understanding of each other -- one that other people can't appreciate. The big problem with this arrangement is that it excludes you and directs the energies that should be going into your relationship out toward other people.
Your mate may believe that opposite-sex friendships are harmless because his or her friend is married. But that's just dead wrong! Many friendships outside of marriage start as "just friends" and grow closer and more intimate. Because these friendships are so fresh, interesting and compelling, it's not long before the two people involved start to think they are more compatible than their own life partners. It's a small step from that realization to the development of a full-blown affair, and the destruction of a marriage.
Do you need to be concerned?
Ask yourself these questions:
1. Is the person someone whom your partner would consider "attractive"?
2. Are they spending time together outside of the office (even for office lunches) when other people are not around?
3. Has your partner excluded this "friend" from your life, either by nottelling you when they are meeting, refusing to introduce you, or going into another room to talk on the phone when you are nearby?
4. Does your partner tell you that he or she has the kind of relationship with this friend that you just couldn't understand?
A "yes" to question #1 and any of the other three questions means your partner's friendship may be a threat to your relationship.
If your mate is involved in a special relationship that makes you uncomfortable, don't ignore that feeling. You've got to ask for what you need -- for your mate to end further personal and exclusive friendships with people of the opposite sex. Remember, your partner may not be intending to hurt you, and may honestly feel like there is nothing to worry about. You can help him or her understand your concerns; it may help to read this article together.
Finally, your partner may feel it's rude or unfair to the "friend" to end the exclusivity of the friendship. That may be right, but frankly, not taking action is rude and unfair to you. In all cases, the needs of your relationship outweigh the needs of a friend. After all, you should always be number one on your partner's buddy list.

Answer 2

First of all I want to say I'm not defending your husband's actions, just trying to give you a different perspective to improve the situation. If you honestly believe this is emotional cheating and not physical, I'm afraid you yourself have shut your husband out emotionally, he's apparently not getting emotional support or your time. I realize raising kids should be your number one priority, but it's typical that many mothers have a difficult time juggling both a healthy marriage and raising children. Stop and think about what you know, what you can do emotionally to fill your husbands void.
Of course I'm looking at this with a positive attitude, I don't know your husband, and what problems he may have, he could be cold-hearted... if you sense that's truly the case, then I suggest you get yourself and your son out of the house.
Good luck and take care.

Answer 3

He continues doing this and hides it and you don't think it's gotten physical yet? You may be right, but it will, if he is unwilling to stop this behavior. He's infatuated and having fun like he used to with you. Unfortunately, many people need to always have that thrill you get when you first start a relationship. They don't like it when the lust ends and the love and work begin that keep a marriage together. If he can't say not to her but can to you, I would say it's time to distance yourself from him so you can decide what you want to do with the rest of your life. I'm not saying divorce, but ask him to leave until he can prove that he wants to be and can be a good man for you and a good role model for your son.

Answer 4

You can't "make" someone do what they don't want to do. The only person you have control over is yourself. When you get good and fed up with his behavior then you will do something about it. He is your husband and certain things in a marriage should be assumed...like not carrying on with an old flame behind your back. Whether there is any thing sexual going on or not he is being deceitful about it all. Either learn to accept that you will never be able to completely trust him or take action to move away from the situation. I vote you leave him to his BS and good riddance to someone who doesn't honor and cherish the family he has.

Answer 5

Your husband is finding an escape from his every day problems/issues/life by talking to this woman.Whether is innocent or not it doesn't matter.Ask him to go to marital counseling with you.If he refuses, plan your exit,secure your financial independence and tell him you are leaving him.
All "affairs" have something magic that is missing from the everyday married life.
After the dust settles and he realizes is not so "magic" anymore with the new partner, after there are dishes to be washed, clothes to be laundered and floors to be scrubbed,he will realize that life ain't any better on the other side.
But he has to come to this conclusion by himself. Only then you can start something new (if you are still available and interested to take him back), and after you had professional counseling to pinpoint the flaws in the relationship.
Good luck

Answer 6

Oh what a drag..
Instead of feeling that she is a threat, why not ask him to invite her for dinner? Seriously!!
It seems she and him are old pals from the past. It is ok to have friends of the opposite sex. It is possible to have friends of the opposite sex without being physical.
I feel that if you were to allow your husband to invite her into your home (as if he would with his male frineds) that you may find that she would become a nice friend for you too.
This is a possible scenario and for your marriages sake, I hope it is one that you may consider.
Don't feel threatened. I feel that there is no need to. But by asking him not to talk to her, is causing him to sneak around to talk with her which isn't healthy or positive for the relationship and household. Whereas if you assure him it is ok and that you would be interested in meeting her, that you would really like to invite her for dinner or a luch at a family resturant perhaps, that you will find your husband to be relieved and would likely strengthen your relationship with your husband and with your husband and son alike.
Ease up, it's ok. I am almost sure he would go for meeting her over a light lunch or a family dinner/BBQ. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Move the computer to a room where you usually are so he''ll be less likey to chat on it. Tell her to leave him alone and if she doesn't leave your family alone see about filing a harrassment suit against her.

If he is fighting you about leaving her alone, then he has moved on emotionally. Ask him what could be done to make your relationship with him better. See if he is willing to work on it but he has to give up all contact with her. If he still says no, separate for awhile. Move in with your parents or move him out. He'll either get the message and come around or nothing will happen, then you know you need to file for divorce and child support.

Hope it works out. The other chick definitely needs to be told to leave your man alone though.

Answer 8

if he is cheating then divorce him... Heres a good way to tell if they are just friends or cheating... does he ever bring her around, do you all get together to hang out or does he hide the entire friendship? I figured out my ex fiance doing that and he was cheating so I left him. You are worth your husbands attention and affection and if he cant see that then you deserve to find a man sho will treat you right, life is too short to stay in a bad relationship.... try counseling with him if he isnt cheating on you so you two can fix your mariage. good luck and god bless

Answer 9

You cant make him stop. He has to WANT to stop. You can talk til you are blue in the face telling him a million reasons why you dont approve and why you want him to stop it, but unless he really wants to stop it, he won't. And personally, if you have already done this, voiced your disapproval of his friendship with her, and he is not stoppng it, then he has no respect for you, and its high time you give him an ultimatum...Her or me, and mean it when you tell him that. And be prepared to walk out. If he really loves you and wants you, he'll realize soon enough that you mean business and you are not playing around, he'll stop it and ask you to come back, and if he doesnt, well, that should speak volumes and you dont need him anyway.

Answer 10

If he continues to do this, you should just leave and start a new life. I always felt that once a cheater always a cheater.
You are just going to let heartache come in for you and your son . I know it is easy for me to say to leave but trust me it is the best thing for you 2 and you will find that speacial person out there and give you the love and respect that you deserve.
Good Luck!!!

Answer 11

Most importantly is raising your son - don't lose sight of that. Keep being a good mom. In the meantime get a lawyer and have him draw up some divorce papers, once your husband sees that he may think twice and change his ways, if he doesn't then proceed with the divorce.

Before all of that I would visit the girl - with your son. See what she has to say. Tell her to look into your son's eyes and give you a good explanantion of what she is doing to your family.