We've been through rigourous ups and downs and have made it this far. The problem is my husband wanting to "swing" with other people and always talking about other women. I don't understand why I'm not enough. He always says I'm enough but then why does he have this desire? I find myself calling him all of the time and wanting to be everywhere he is because I don't trust him. How can I trust him? I don't know whether to get out or wait and see if he acts on his thoughts. Please Help!!
2007-08-19 12:12:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is an issue that needs to be addressed right now. What ever you do, DO NOT get involved in that lifestyle, because that lifestyle is concentual cheating. Any sex outside of marriage is wrong, even if you consent to it. Tell your husband no, that you will NOT do it, and don't back down. And tell him that you don't feel comfortable about it. He is lusting after these other women and by doing that he's basically saying that your not enough or not good enough for him. I have been involved in that lifestyle and what your going through, my wife went through, and my getting into that lifestyle started with an intrest in porn, and it progressively got worse.
I think you and your husband both would bennifit for marriage counceling, with a Christian Councelor.
If you have a Bible, read Proverbs Chapter 5. It has alot of good advice, and it's something that your husband I think needs to hear.
Whatever you do, do NOT give in to his wanting to get into that horrible lifestyle, because if your having doubts about it and then do it, it will just cause more problems in your marriage.
It sounds like his wanting to do this has already broken your trust, and the only way your going to be able to trust him again is for him to change and he will have to work very hard to rebuild that trust by showing, not telling you, that you are the ONLY woman he needs.
I hope that this helps.
Take care and God Bless
2007-08-19 12:21:46 · answer #1 · answered by Bryan M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he hasn't acted on these thoughts then maybe he won't. I went through a similar thing, but in reality my hubby wanted to know about the swinger lifestyle and then made the decision that he didn't want to lead that type of lifestyle. You've been married for 5 years maybe he's just wanting a little more spice in the bedroom. I hope everything works out.
2007-08-19 19:19:03 · answer #2 · answered by Jennifer B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As I read your question, I see a problem. You blame yourself for how he feels and how he acts. Why?
You two need some help. Your jealousy is just going to add to this problem. You'll seem clingy and insecure and that's not real attractive to a guy. You're headed for a lot of trouble.
If you don't trust him you really have two choices:
1. End the relationship
-or-
2. Try to work it out
If you're not doing one of those two things, you're in for some really unhappy times.
Why wait to see if you'll get hurt? Take a proactive approach. Don't be a victim.
Good luck.
2007-08-19 19:26:58 · answer #3 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow- most men do have swinging as a fantasy. If given the opportunity he may not even go through with it. Talk to him about the lack of trust and the insecurities that you feel. How can you be with a man that you don't trust.
2007-08-19 19:18:26 · answer #4 · answered by antswife 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have been living this way for 5 years. How long do you want to stay unhappy? How many years do you have to give to a relationship where trust and unhappiness are the norm. Does the unhappy times out weight the good times ask yourself how long do you want to be in emotional pain. I hope for your sake you make a wise decision.
2007-08-19 19:37:17 · answer #5 · answered by blackpearl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Full fill his desire to swing and get it on with another man. THAT will keep him from wanting to date other women. If he enjoys other women too much, just start telling how wonderful the men are that YOU are now having sex with!
2007-08-19 19:54:44 · answer #6 · answered by K M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't trust him you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him. if that doesn't get through to him maybe you need to think about a divorce. Dont wait until he does something before leaving
2007-08-19 19:28:13 · answer #7 · answered by ablockgurl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Something's wrong with the fact that he's wanting to pressure you into that kind of lifestyle.
He doesn't have a problem with you sleeping with another man?
If he can't understand the sanctity of marriage, then maybe, you need to have some counseling...or perhaps, divorce.
2007-08-19 19:17:28 · answer #8 · answered by darkening_hope 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
get out.. i put up with it and if lead to a divorce cause he was going out after id showed no interest in that lifestyle. it came down to getting STD tests and leaving!
2007-08-19 19:24:03 · answer #9 · answered by jeselynn_81 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to have trust, with no trust is it a bad relationship. See if you will go to counseling with you to see what is going on with him.
2007-08-19 19:18:56 · answer #10 · answered by Dance 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋