I love my wife but we no longer have sex. What should I do?

Question

We have been together for AGES and we share so much and we always have fun together and lots of cuddles and kisses, but neither of us is interested in sex with the other. I am tempted to have affairs, but they always get found out and it would hurt her so much. I am far from abandoning interest in sex!!! The alternatives are commercial sex, or internet porn and m..........t....n. How do you cope if you love someone with who sex is not an option? Is it wrong to go for commercial sex?

Answer 1

Take her to a nice hotel and just romance her :)

Answer 2

Try something knew: read a sex book ( a real book) w/ pics of new positions and roles. Sex is great but making love is better esp. with a someone u truly r in love with. I'm a newly wed so i can't totally relate, but I read a book like that and recently went to a ladies night w/ toys, scented oils, etc. Maybe a girls night out with info. like that might help her. If you've been together for AGES talk with her about this issue, this should be easier. Sometimes when a women isn't interested she has something else on HER mind, or her libido has lessened over time w/ the same partner. Find out quickly.

Answer 3

It's not that sex is no longer an option with you two, its more that you two are now roomates. You may love eachother, but you aren't INLOVE with eachother. People who are inlove can't get enough of eachother. The chemical attraction never dies. I think you are bored with eachother.

I don't think you should have an affair, or do commercial sex, because as you said, your wife would be devistated. I think you should sit her down and talk to her and try to find that connection once again. (Unfourtunatly, chances are if the connection is not there now, it probably wasn't really there in the begining... I will leave you to decide that from hindsight) That is going to take time, getting 'back to eachother'. Couples counseling might help you with that. So, I suggest seeing a good couples counselor.

If that doesn't work, I suggest you move on with eachother's lives separately, so that you won't spend time keeping eachother from finding someone who will still have that physical attraction you need to keep a marriage alive.

Answer 4

lol. sorry to hear that. you share alot with each other, but between the sharing and having fun there is just a small step in between there. what happened to the both of you?
true love never dies like that. you are parts of each other. there is something deeper you didn't mention. you still kiss you still cuddle, but why the both of you refrain from sex is not in sync wtih the whole picture here. be honest with yourself. one of you in this relationship is "lacking" in an area and it doesn't neccessarily have to mean in sex. it could be your communations skills it could be her hurt and despair from your previous downfalls with her. if you love her sooo much. tell her. tell her how you feel and what and how and why you are feeling that way. she will understand and give you feedback on what she is feeling. why not have her m.....t....b... u instead of you doing it yourself. that could be a start. take showers together, give her a foot rub have her give you a massage. there are lots of things you could do to add sparks. but look into maybe one of you out of the two doesn't want to try with the other. if one has been hurt previously, the factor is the trust is broken there weather you see it or not. if you want to keep her, you've got to build the trust factor back up to a level where you both enjoy sex with each other again. this will not happen over night. but if you get to the deep issues and talk and communicate you can find a way to satisfy her, her satisfy you and both to each other. there is a point a and a point b. but the thing in between hasnt been reached and is stopping b4 it can conect with the both of you. you married her for a reason, right? tell her what she means to you and ask her or tell her some things she can do to please you. then you in return ask her what you can do for her. give and take. that is all it seems to be. be willing to open up and have her open up to you no matter how touchy it may feel. once you get it out there you both can deal with it better and come to some kind of resourcefull conclusion. good luck. & if you still are not happy, get a divorce get someone else and make your self happier.

Answer 5

Please do not have an affair or commercial sex. In the long run, either of those will only pull you away from your wife.

I would discuss it with your wife and determine what you should do. Mast....tion would be the logical conclusion, but that may not make her very happy either. If it's such a really big issue for you, you might consider divorce. At least that would be forthright, not behind your wife's back.

I've stuck with my wife for many years having had the same problem and I have prayed and taken the problem to God, included it in my psychiatric counseling sessions, and God has relieved me of the urges. But that might not be an option for you.

Answer 6

Commercial sex seems wrong, but it might be better than getting involved in an affair.
There's a lot of hot porn on the internet. I've never paid for any of it. I usually check it out and m.....b.t. every night. I need sex, but my wife doesn't want it. She says it hurts, or any other excuse she can come up with.
She tells me cuddling and holding my penis as she goes to sleep is sex for her. I've told her that doesnt' work for me. It gets me worked up, then she doesn't want it to go any further.

I feel sorry for you. I hope you will come up with something that will satisfy you. I'm sure you need that as much as I do.
Good luck!

Answer 7

Sit down with your wife and talk about it, because the 2 of you won't know why there is that lack of interest without getting it out in the open. Don't have an affair, because that's just playing with fire and you will get burned. Don't look at porn either, because all that will do is send a message to your wife that she's not good enough for you.

Talk with your wife, because when it comes down to it, that might be what's needed to get the fires burning again. Maybe there's not enough intimacy there, not meaning sex, but maybe there's areas that she feels that your not meeting for her, and vice versa. But the ONLY way that the 2 of you are going to know is to talk about it.

Answer 8

You are bored!!!!!!!! Spice it up buddy. Your wife is only as sexy as you make her feel. It's like that pina colada song. She is probably feeling the same thing you are and just not telling you because of embarrassment or whatever. Go buy her a sexy little nighty, rent some porn, try somthing you have never tried before. There is always something.??? ORAL, ANAL, Whips, cuffs, different positions. Experiment a little. U obviously do not want to leave your wife, you just want some excitement , and don't forget to let her know how sexy she is. Women don't wnat their husbands to think they are nice and cuddley, they wnat them to look at them like they look at the 25 year old hoochie walking down the street. Tell her what a dirty little sex goddess she is. I know you probably think that she would freak out, you may just find out what a freak she has always secretly been. I don't know just make your marriage work big guy.

Answer 9

This isn't a matter of "wrong", it's a matter of what you want. A relationship devoid of sex doesn't sound very healthy to me.

You say it's an otherwise great relationship but I don't buy it. If it was a great relationship, you'd be having sex one way or another. Even if your penis fell off, you two would find a way to make it work. You'd find a way to enjoy each other.

So I say something is wrong with your relationship.

All these other outlets you enumerated don't sound very healthy to me.

I think you need to take an honest look at this. But that's up to you. You can say that your relationship is otherwise perfect if you want to. But no sex is about as far from perfect as I can imagine. I think I'd rather have raging fights and good sex than to have what you have.

Good luck.

Answer 10

This is all too common. There are ways to get you two hot for each other again. Commercial sex is not the answer. Get the book, 1,001 night of great sex. See a sex therapist. Do something!!!!!!! Spice things up. Flirt and tickle and touch. Be playful during the day. Believe me, sex is not important, UNLESS your aren't getting any. Talk to her about changing this behavior.

Answer 11

Wow...unless there's some medical reason for sex no longer being a option, I would start with the source to solve your problem...your wife! If you love your wife and you have the great relationship that you say you do, there should be no reason why you can't talk to her and express your desire to resume having sex again. Do it without placing blame. Work with her.

I certainly would not resort to cheating.