I have a young friend who is just sooo annoying and doesn't have any class. I feel bad to exclude her?

Question

I am 33 and I am not at all grown up for my age. I have a neighbor who is 20 and she is sooo immature for her age, always going on and on about about her boyfriend and their lil things that are interesting to a 15 year old but not particularily intersting for a grown up. (No offence to anyone). Take this example....last night a friend had a tupperware party and this girl came (as we include her on everything and hope that she'll see how people act at things like this). Well it was a casual dress thing and we were all having fun and nibbling hors dourves and sipping wine and in she comes with a can of beer, her midriff sticking out, talking over the tupperware lady, and loudlt using the F word in front of 50+ year old ladies.
What do I do? I don'r want to cut her out of my life as she is clearly a nice person and has no family.....and I can't NOT invite her to these things as she would feel excluded if we did....
HELP

Answer 1

You are obviously a very respectful person by this question and you also sound like a very caring person. Here's the thing -- you say with "over 50 yr olds" -- I am 49 years YOUNG......you have to remember, we grew up with alot of stuff.....we are not ignorant to young, immature people....it is NO REFLECTION ON YOU just because this person is acting immature. She won't be able to befriend a lot of people with her attitude but ya know....all you are doing is trying to be nice/understanding. I remember when my 27 year old was 4 and we lived in an apt. complex and this lady next door was about my age but acted 16 EXCEPT drank a lot of alcohol -- serious alcohol...and she had a baby...OMG, she used to knock on my door and ask me if I could listen THROUGH THE WALL for her baby crying becuse she had to run to the liquor store -- I would just go over there and be with the baby. She didn't think there was ANYTHING wrong with this. Me, on the other hand, had serious issues with it -- I went to sit with her child while my husband sat with ours and her baby was being bit by fleas. This lady was raised wrong --- although she was loving with her daughter. People have issues, are raised different (possibly very very wrong) -- but this girl could learn from you. Maybe you could pull her aside and talk OR BETTER YET, VIDEOTAPE HER ANTICS AND SHOW HER and maybe -- maybe not -- but maybe she'll recognize how she's acting. But don't worry -- I can tell by your question that you are not going to just trash someone just because they are different than you and to be honest -- I respect you and I know NOTHING about you......I can just tell by this question that you are a good person. What goes around, comes around and you'll be fine......just stay the way you are and DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK -- the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind -- DON'T MATTER -- never forget that. This girl may just really need some guidance and a good friend. I drink beer too so.....I'm not putting her down for that either. She just doesn't have the know how of a social atmosphere -- there's a time and place for everything...she doesn't understand and probably wasn't raised with that know how. Make sense????? Just keep being you...

Answer 2

First of all, I'm a 60 year old lady and I've heard the f word so often it bores me and tells me the person has a limited vocabulary. Your friend is clueless and shes not going to learn from copying a bunch of old farts at a Tupperware party.
If you want to keep her from embarrassing herself tell her point blank that her behavior is inappropriate and is causing talk and will cause her to lose friends and invitations, and she will tell you in no uncertain terms where to go.
You are grown up at 33 and this is one way you can tell. Your 20 year old is acting her age too, you can't really be her friend because you are at different stages in life. Give up on the idea that you are young, when you start being annoyed at young women for being young women, you are getting old.

Answer 3

For one thing she is acting how a 20yr old should act. She doesn't need to be all settled down and worrying about being all proper she's only 20 she should be having a blast. You being 33 sounds like your are grown up for your age , too grown up. Going to tupperware parties with 50+yr old women, all proper dressed. I dont think she should go with you to that stuff she should be going out to clubs or hanging out. She's not immature your just over mature.

Answer 4

Tell the bimbo that she needs to find the ettiquette to behave properly in public.

Aside from that, you have to make a decision, include her in things she doesnt belong in (reflects on you in a negative way), or not include her to things she doesnt belong in.

Being a clueless and dumbass 20 y/o, doesnt give her any rights to be someplace where she cant behave properly.

Being 33, you should have a better grasp of decorum, and responsibility.

Answer 5

I think I would set her down and have a talk with her. Tell her there is a time and a place for everything and sometimes it is ok to dress the way she does but other times she needs to use more couth. Tell her you are telling her these things as a mentor because you care for her as a friend. If she won't listen tell her you would hate to exclude her maybe she will listen. good luck and bless your heart for trying!

Answer 6

I've gone through something similar... I ended up ignoring her and just kind of ended up losing her friendship and later I was sad I did. I think I should have stuck to her and helped her... I think I should have still been her friend and perhaps that way I could have been a good influence on her. Instead I left her and now I miss her. I think you should try and include her and help her out...

Answer 7

Get somebody to help her get ready for these little affairs. Treat them as if they were important social events. She can't learn if she's excluded, but she also can't learn if no one clues her in.

She obviously grew up in foster homes or somewhere where attending informal social events wasn't a part of the social calendar.

Answer 8

You either have to exclude her or let her know it's time to start acting like a lady.

Answer 9

Please have a polite, private conversation with her.

You mentioned that she has no family, perhaps that is one reason why she is behaving that way: no one taught her. Please ask her if she is aware of the effects of her choice of words and behavior. Gently guide her to the wonderful world of courtesy.

Wish you all the best.

Answer 10

u should just tell her to calm down, and explain to her politely that thats not the way to act at those things...
hope this helps,
nichole