How can my husband protect himself from his daughters' lies?

Question

My husband is afraid that if his kids from previous marriage get mad at him for something ( for ex. if he doesn't let them go to their friends' house) they will run to their mother and make up stories to get back at their father. They already complained to their mother about him threatening to spank them. She called my husband and told him that she was going to call the police on him.My husband never spanked his kids , but he does threaten sometimes( we both know it is wrong !). My husband's ex is miserable and very bitter and she will gladly use any opportunity to hurt my husband. My husband is afraid that his daughters could make up a story about him abusing them sexually or physically. The girls are very spoiled and demand money and clothes so that's why we are afraid that they would lie and blackmail us to get what they want. My husband told the kids that he couldn't trust them and can't have them at our place, but he loves them and he wants them in his life, what should we do?

Answer 1

Spanking kids is not a punishable offence by Law.....as long as it is only a spanking. Kids dont usually lie about sexual assault unless they are being coached by their mother. If he is really concerned about possible allegations then it is far better to not have the girls over at your place. Maybe he can set it up to see the children at a park with a friend there as a witness. It is for his own protection because it doesnt matter whether it is true or not, once an allegation of sexual assault is made, it will tarnish your husbands reputation for life. He may love his girls, but his whole future is at stake if he really thinks hes girls and their mother are capable of setting him up like this. As much as we dont like to think that this sort of thing happens......it does. I know of a similar case where the mother and the daughter conspired against the father and accused him of sexual assault. He was absolutely devestated and ended up killing himself because he couldnt live with the shame, even though it wasnt true. He can still see his girls but he needs to see them with an unbiased witness around. Maybe even ring up child services and speak to someone there and explain what his fears are.....maybe they can organise to have supervised visits. They may also want to investigate the mother for poisoning the girls minds. In the mean time, your husband needs to protect his reputation at all costs. The girls will get older and they will make up their own minds......they may even end up disliking their mother for being instrumental in them not having as much access to their father as they should have. Your husband needs to do what he needs to do and as sad as it is, it is not worth ruining his life over.

Answer 2

What The Hell? This Is NOT Normal. I Never Acted Like This. I Still Blush When I Think About The People I've Been With! What Is Disturbing, Is Your Husband's Lack Of Concern & Not Doing Anything. Perhaps He & Friends Are Liking The Show. Install Cameras Without Them Knowing. Something Is Not Right.

Answer 3

The little brat's are spoiled blackmailers. Who's fault is that?

You (your husband) created the problem, so deal with it. I did the similar thing with my son, so I'm not without sin so to speak.

I spoiled my son, I guess because I felt guilty about the divorce and I over compensated. His mother was an alcoholic and she sometime abused drugs. He got pretty much everything he wanted, clothes, money, freedom, etc. I was starting to get him a car for his 16th birthday and I wanted him to chip in half.

He said his Mom told him I should pay for all of it and if I didn't he was moving to his Mother's. He also stated that he felt that he deserved an increase in his allowance, as he was now 16. I was giving him $30.00 a week (1997) and he said he wanted $50.00. If he didn't get those things he was leaving for Mom's, and she promised he would get his car.

However, I called my son's bluff and sent him to live with his mother.

Six months later he wanted to come back home. He didn't have a car, he no longer got an allowance or pocket money, clothing came from Wal-Mart. His standard of living dropped a few notches in all category's.

My ex had promised to move from her two bedroom apartment and get a bigger place, but she didn't. So, my son slept in the spare bedroom slash storage room.

The child support went somewhere, but it sure didn't upgrade my son's life like he thought it would.

I let him stay with his Mom, he wasn't eating steak but he was eating. His clothing was new, it was from Wally-Mart though and not Banana Republic or the Gap.

I hated it but after a couple of years of that program, he changed into a different person. Now he appreciates what he had and he's a totally different person. ;o)

Answer 4

Maybe he could visit them only at the mother's house? Then he could see them and he wouldn't have to put up with their BS.

If your husband really thinks the daughters could make up stories of sexual abuse, he needs to stop and consider what that means. That means he's guilty -- no matter what the truth is, he's guilty. When a child, especially a girl, accuses a man of sexual misconduct, that man is guilty. Period. It ain't right but that's how it shakes out.

That means that he could end up in jail for something he did not do. And things wouldn't go easy on him there. He would also end up having to register as sex offender. That might mean that he would have a hard time finding a place to live that is more than 10,000 feet from a school, or other institution where there are children. He would become a second class citizen when he got out of prison. And the things that might happen to him in prison are unthinkable.

I don't care how much he loves those girls, it's not worth the risk. He can be there for them but only visit them with you at the mother's house with the mother there. That or hire a supervisor himself. Self-imposed supervised visitation.

But personally, I don't think I would even want anything to do with a girl who would consider doing that to me -- even if she was my daughter.

Maybe talk to an attorney about this? There are ways he can protect himself. But an allegation can come up about an event that supposedly occurred years ago. And don't forget that YOU could also be accused of sexual misconduct. There have been a lot of woman on girl reports of sexual misconduct between female teachers and female students. That's not out of the question for them to accuse YOU.

You and your husband should be very, very careful. If you're right about these girls being capable of such things, they're dangerous and probably not worth being around.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I guess I am from the old school, a good spanking is what these kids need today. I don't believe in beatings but 2 or 3 slaps on the butt never hurt any kid. My 5 all grew up without ever getting into trouble with the law.
The kids today have more power than they should have because they know if they don't get their own way they can make up a story and get away with it. So, that a whole family can be ruined by one lie.

Answer 6

As miserable as the husbans and the ex are, they really need to get together on this and get on the same page... get a family counselor involved if need be.
The parents need to establish a united front and some real ground rules for the sake of the kids.

The kids are playing them both so they can run rampant. It will only get worse if something isn't done. Your husband does not want to go to jail because some kid is blackmailing him.

If nothing else, the husband needs to unilaterally establish ground rules for the kids as long as they are at his household. If these rules are not adhered to, then they cannot come over.

Answer 7

Wow, that's tough. My husband went through that with his ex-wife and her son from a previous marriage, a little different though. When her son was with them, he would say his father did this or that, hit him or didnt feed him. When he was with his father, he would tell him that my husband and his ex would put him in a closet or spank him for no reason. This went on for a few years, until both sides grew tired of it and decided to confront the little boy together. Both sides realized they were both being played against each other. I would say have your husband confront the girls in front of his ex. I know its hard to even be in the same room as an ex, but maybe being putting them on the spot will intimidate them, since it seems that they only tell their mother things when they are at their mothers house and their father is not around to counter those lies. Try confronting them, and they'll be forced to choose who to lie to, or they may be embarrassed and stop lying all together, since that worked on my husbands ex-wives son. Best of luck!

Answer 8

Wow!! You might all want to get some professional help, like counseling or go see an attorney. I'm sure his ex wanted nothing more than for him to tell the kids that they couldn't be around, but even if they are spoiled, I would think that would hurt the children. Thats a really hard situation and I don't think you guys can solve it all on your own.

Answer 9

sounds like ur husbands children are manipulating him... they know that ya'll are afraid of what could possibly happen and are able to keep ya'll on your toes...

You and your husband need to put your foot down. And if the girls do accuse your husband about being sexually or phisically abused then yeah children services will be involved. and eventually the truth will come out. Not only will both girls go through extreme therapy, visitation would be supervised. both parents would be investigated. there is a long process of what could happen, but i would say that their mother is instigating their behavior... ya'll need to put a stop to it before it gets worse...

Best of Luck

Answer 10

Document.

The kids may attempt to take the rights of your husband away by manipulating the situation.

Don't let them. You are the parents and you set the rules. If they don't like the rules, then they are free to leave. Usually the love you have for them will be enough for them to want to be around. Someone who listens to their concerns is too valuable to give up.

Make sure they are brought up not to lie or manipulate. I turn the tables on things like this. I tell my kids that they are not welcome in my home if they can't obey some basic rules.
This may be awful from the children's perspective, but it works.