please help , this is really agitating?

Question

hello every one , so i am 22 and i am engaged to this young docotor who is 28 and being a doctor he is always busy , so we see each other when ever we can , however lately he took 3 months as a vaccation from the main hospital he works in and in conclusion , now he works for four days a week and is off for three days a week , he spends only one day from these three days with me , and spends the other 2 days with his freinds , and when ever i talk to him about it he accuses me of nagging , but the way i see it , he isnt eager to spend more time with me and he thinks the days we spend together is enough , i once insisted we talk about it so his answer was " we will get married next summer so this is the last summer i get to spend as a bachelor " , what the hell does that mean ?! what do i do !

Answer 1

Dear BabyKitten,

You need to be less of a baby and more of a kitten. :)

Don't get mad, sit down and think. If you really love this young man, while the amount of time you spend in his company is important, the quality of the time you spend together is what will keep him wanting more and coming back. Hopefully, this is your goal. You need to slow down on the demands, be patient with him - he truly is seeing the future as exclusively yours (not a good thing, you need to show him that you fully intend to ADD to his present life, not exclude a part of it). Hon, there is nothing you need to be jealous of here, unless he is going to strip clubs.

Relax, loosen up on the grip, and take a swing. You'll enjoy it more and so will he. :)

One thing to keep in mind, though, men who are drawn to the medical profession have a strong streak of a "god complex." This means that they do NOT like to be questioned or be held accountable. Perhaps some time spent with a counselor to get a better feel for what his likes, dislikes and quirks are would be of benefit. After all, going into life blindly without a road map is kinda foolhardy. Be careful, keep smiling and keep an open mind about what to do. :) Prayer is also important. Never forget that. You'll need it with any man you choose. :)

Answer 2

I think you know what is going on here.

Rule number one: Men are always more attentive PRIOR to the wedding date. Their attention goes way down after that. So if you think this will get better after you're married then you're likely to be even more disappointed.

I can think of nothing more wonderful for a 28 year old guy than to have a 22 year old woman want to spend time with him. That's where all of my free time would be spent, I can tell ya that... None of my friends could keep me away from a 22 year old woman! No way.

So something is seriously wrong here. Seriously wrong. Majorly seriously wrong... You get the picture. He's either gay or he's seeing other women or he has some psychological problems that prevent him from appreciating a nice young woman. No matter how you slice it, it doesn't look good.

You're 22 and unless you want to be dealing with a failed marriage in a year or two (maybe less) you'd best pass this one by.

Trust me on this, there are lots of guys out there who would love nothing more than to spend time with you and who would make all the time they could to be with you. Guys who would do anything to be with you and who would put you at the top of their priority list.

I guess it just depends on what you want.

Oh and by the way, doctors generally don't make very good spouses. I've worked with them for years and most of them fail miserably in the marriage department.

So weigh it out and decide. You could have a man who adores you or you can have a man who would rather be with his buddies, some other woman, or whatever in the hell this guy is doing.

Your happiness -- or -- the doctor. Which do you want? You can't have both.

If I were in your shoes, this would be an easy one...

Good luck.

Answer 3

Yeah, before reading his answer I could already predict it.
The guy thinks that you are going to have him for the rest of your life, that you'll be sleeping together in the same bed each night, unless works demands otherwise, you'll have breakfast together every morning, so much so that, possibly at some point you'll be happy to have a break from each other; He therefore thinks that he should not discard his friends. And it's true that It won't be as easy for him to spend so much time with them once married, because married life is demanding and what with a busy working timetable.
I think that if anything, his way of talking to you wasn't very romantic, and he is definitely guilty of not taking the time to address your insecurities.
However, by nagging him and demanding that he spends more time with you, you are also being unreasonable.
Friends are not to be left for wet days or difficult times.
Friendship, is just as important as love.
When you lose the one you love, who but your friend is there for you?
Besides, if you live in each other's pockets, your marriage will very soon be short for breath.
So, appreciate that, make the time you spend together fab, and try yourself to create your own group of friends.
Trust me, it IS very important.
So, don't create problems where there aren't, try and appreciate that the life of a doctor is a very busy one, for one thing, the second thing is, they can't not have a social life, and also, couples do need breathing space.
Now, if you don't want that sort of life, yes, it's now that you need to think about it.
I know you worry that he might prefers his friends to you, or that maybe he doesn't love you that much after all, but make sure that you don't ask him to choose between the two of you.
It'd be the worst mistake ever.
Still, do have a chat with him about your insecurities, which is not the same as nagging.
Good luck.xxx

Answer 4

Well this is the time he should be wanting to learn all about you and vice versa. Unfortunately 1 day a week together is not going to see that happen. He may want to marry you, but you dont really know him. One day a week is not enough to know if he is marriage material. You spend 52 days a year with him and in my opinion it is not enough. I certainly would be seriously thinking if he is going to make you happy after you are married. He obviously prefers the company of his friends, so why would that change after marriage? His friends will still be around wont they? The only difference will be that he will sleep in your bed on a more regular basis....everything else will remain the same. It is hard being a doctors wife, but even harder if the doctor concerned doesnt want to spend quality time with his wife. Get ready for a very lonely life if this is any indication of what married life is going to be like with him. Think carefully because we are talking about your future here.

Answer 5

Sit him down and calmly tell him your not happy seeing him just one out of three days a week and that you would like to increase the amount of time you spend with him. But tell him you understand that he needs time with his friends as well. (He only has three days a week to have for free time and though I think he should spend most of it with you, I think that he deserves some time with his friends) I think you need to talk to him before jumping to any conclusions. Let him know you are not trying to nag or monopolize all of his time but you are his fiancee and deserve the attention that comes with that (not to make it sound like a title but you know what I mean). Don't worry to much about this unless he just will not talk to you about it. If that happens it might be best for some couples therapy before the wedding. Congrats and Good Luck!

Answer 6

To be beside ones self in worried anticipation of excitement or concern. Or contained on the subject of washer, that's the activity of the agitator to agitate the clothing from the appropriate to the backside from the interior to the exterior of the washer bathtub to be sure all get a competent twisting and turning to create a sparkling wash for each and all of the clothing.

Answer 7

He isn't ready to commit, that's for sure. In addition, he's fairly aloof if he'd rather spend time with his buddies than with his sweetheart. This is the type of guy who goes out with the guys 3 nights a week to play poker or drink and is busy 3 of the other nights. Consider what you need and choose carefully.

Answer 8

Good God! He has spent all of those years studying and working hard to become a Doctor and you reward him with petty things. Let him blow off some steam. He just needs to be with men doing men things. I am sure that he is not wasting his time doing anything foolish. He had to be decated to become a Doctor and he has to have a lot of self control. And I bet that he does not just spend one day with you. Maybe a whole day. It seems like he wants to do this now, so that when you get married he will be a decated husband and will not be one to want to go play with the boys after that.

Answer 9

An engagement is a time for taking a good long look at a relationship and deciding if this is the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with. He's made his choice, now you make yours, and break the engagement.

Answer 10

Suspicious. I'd also think that 2 engaged people would be seeing as much of each other as they could. If he won't change now, what will happen later. Reconsider marrying him